Author's Games: Samurai

Battle Task 2: Feedback

Before I get to the feedback, I was really disappointed to hear that someone had to drop out and someone else didn't hand in, at this point in the competition. If any more happen, I don't know if we will be able to continue, so for the sake of anyone who wants to finish this to the end, please, please hand in and please, please don't drop out!

With that being said, here's the feedback. 

Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa attacking Clan 4: Jyubei Takeda

Hirotei Imagawa, THIS WAS AMAZING. It was intense, especially with how he was imprisoned and left me wondering if he would escape or what was going to happen. The battle itself was well written. Though I would have liked for you to write a little more, what you did write was SO FULL OF SUSPENSE that I literally had to keep reading, almost too fast for my mind to comprehend everything. As for notes, I would have taken off for 0.1 off for a grammar mistake... a typo when you meant to say the word door and at one point you mentioned that thunder cracked the dam... Thunder is the sound, so the correct wording would have been lightning. Like I said, I would have liked to read more of it and have your entry a little longer, but I'm not taking off points for that, since what you wrote was high quality work. In total, your fake score would have been a 12.9

Jyubei Takeda has dropped out, so he is eliminated from the competition.

The winner of Battle Task 2, Hirotei Imagawa attacking Jyubei Takeda is...

Hirotei Imagwa by default with heavy losses due to the flood and storm. 

Clan 14: Yuudai Kato attacking Clan 7: Shiro Askura

You asked me to critique as I read, so that's what I did:

I love the war meeting and how you mentioned WHY they decided to take the dam... that it was a major trading spot in Japan. It gave the entry as well as the battle itself meaning and really made me care about the outcome. Like it wasn't all just for nothing. That's part of why this felt like a story, rather than an entry.

"Kazuki and Suko along with a couple other men greet me as I near the stables" should read "along with a couple of other men..." 1 grammar mistake

"As he runs out of the shop holding his bleeding hand I walk over to Sakura" should have a comma after hand. 1 punctuation mistake

"I Grunt and say..." Grunt shouldn't be capitalized. 2nd grammar mistake

"Clearly she has kept up on her training the past years" past years should have something in between it to make more sense... past several years... past few years... past three years... It's vague and confusing. 1 sentence structure mistake

"Are you sure our archers know what to do?", Suko says to no one in particular... in that sentence the comma shouldn't be there. 2nd punctuation mistake

"But enough talk our opponent is here." This sentence should have some sort of punctuation after talk. Either a period and starting a new sentence or what would work best: a semi-colon so that it reads, "But enough talk; our opponent is here." 3rd punctuation mistake

"Now!", I yell... in this sentence the comma is unnecessary. 4th punctuation mistake

"I jump to my feet back and away" should be, "I jumped to my feet and backed away." 2nd sentence structure mistake

"Taking a deep breath I compose myself before striking again" should have a comma after breath. 5th punctuation mistake

"Retreat!", I hear Kazuki cry out... the comma is unnecessary. 6th punctuation mistake