Author's Games: Samurai

Sponsorship Task: Scores And Opinions

Clan 7: Shiro Askura - 12.9

YESSSSSSSS. THIS is what I'm talking about! I don't know what happened, but your writing style just became instantly beautiful (not that it wasn't beautiful before, but wow)! Your word usage and vocabulary, as well as your vivid descriptions were just absolutely gorgeous, drawing me into the world. I was walking right there behind Shiro, and not only that but I also felt everything he did. You really gave me the feels when he was meditating and when his cousin died, my heart really just went out to him and the responsibility that he now has. Plus, WHAT AN INTRO! Immediately, I was engaged and I literally read this entire thing so quickly that I had to go back before I realized that it was over. I absolutely loved this! Your action scenes were all correctly written, as well as concise, making it easy to follow and fun to read. You really did a fantastic job blending the vivid descriptions with Shiro's thought process and emotions—keeping everything perfectly balanced so that not one outweighed the other. As for notes, I literally only saw one missing comma, otherwise your score would have been perfect. My advice would be just keep up the amazing work! I have to read more, and I'm anxious to see what else you come up with! 

Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa - 12.9

Yep, it's official I am so in love with Hirotei! ^-^ You've made him such a strong character (and by strong I don't mean he's a tough fighter; I mean so well developed). You established his relationship with his father, mother and wife all in one entry, as well as establishing who he is as a diaymo, how he acts like a diaymo and how he acts normally. The character development you've done with him is absolutely stunning and by far impressive. His mother's death really gave me the feels and I almost cried! Everything he went through in just this task alone was horrible! (so it's gonna be one of "those" people, huh? I don't know if I'm ready for this, haha). I also LOVED how much research you did into Japanese culture. Not only with the way they talk and act, but also the time period and the settling. Including the Japanese terms was a fantastic choice as well. It made it feel so realistic, and much more like a novel instead of an entry. There was so much depth in this one task, and you really didn't rush anything at all. You really stretched two thousand words a LONG way and made great use of it! As for notes, I only saw two punctuation mistakes (you put periods at the end of two different dialogue statements, instead of commas), but outside of that, I didn't see anything else wrong. Next regular task, let's see more into Hirotei's head, thoughts and emotions! Amazing job; I can't wait to read more!

Clan 2: Kyou Asai - 12.8  

HELLO THERE SAMURAI MASTER. You make me seem like I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to this stuff. Needless to say, I was most definitely impressed. Your description was well balanced out with your characters thoughts. You established him well—a true warrior. All the details you've added in about Japan and samurai made it feel SO realistic. I loved all the additional terms you included, especially the ones about the fighting styles. I don't think I've ever read a fight scene as impressive and detailed as that (not yet at least). I read this and suddenly became super intimidated by my own work, haha. A lot of the style information really reminded me of Ruruoni Kenshin, and I'm guessing that's where some of your inspiration came from (oro :D ). The glossary was most definitely helpful. I mean, I know quite a bit of Japanese, but even that was a lot for me to try to think of, haha. I loved his interactions with his brothers, and the way he fights makes Kyou an interesting character indeed. I'm anxious to know more about his back history. Also, GAAAH. I love how you included Saika in this entry (or at least mentioned him), even if he is mentioned as a "bad guy" of sorts. As for notes, there were no syntax errors, so it made for an easy, enjoyable read. Adding in a little more of Kyou's direct emotions next time will help as well and it would help in giving me the feels and really endearing him to me. What I would advise for you in the future, is watch your fight scenes. Going in to such great detail is amazing, and it makes it so realistic and full of suspense (not to mention it makes it fun for me to read), but... with that means that you have to be extra careful. There were some places where your action was extremely vague. Here is an example that you did: "Hakuryū moved suddenly, sun glinting off the metal covering his saya.