Author's Games: Samurai

Battle Task Four: Feedback

Clan 13: Ren Sanada attacking Clan 9: Naoki Hojo

Ren, I think this is your best entry by far. I only saw one grammar mistake, but your descriptions and her emotions were so well blended and the action scenes were all realistic and well-executed, so it made for a really enjoyable and smooth read. The character development that you did with her in this entry was exactly what I was talking about last task. You did everything I suggested and more. The transition from last task and Ren being captured, to this one with her attacking another clan, was so smooth it made it feel real. You also included the flood element and every aspect of the battle task, making it exactly what I expected and more. The way you described the flooding and how they had to run made things intense and filled with suspense. I loved the cliff hanger ending where we don't know how things are going to end up. You would have scored a 12.9. This is still your best entry. Mostly because this one I can see such an amazing change in your writing and for the first time while reading your entries, I felt truly immersed in 1560 Japan. You used more terms and I could honestly just feel how hard you worked on this! Great job!

Naoki, as usual with battle tasks, your plans just get more and more genius. The idea of setting traps in the tunnels is so unique in and of itself much less the specific idea with the bees. Even before reading your end comments, I can tell just by reading your entry that you did a lot of research about it and put a lot of effort into your entry. I also liked the lack of action (yes I know that's very contraversal since this is a battle task), but you made it so realistic by doing that. I really enjoyed reading this entry. As for notes, you would have also scored a 12.9 because you had the word door twice instead of shoji or including the description that it was a paper door. I also likd how you included all aspects from the battle tasks and even made getting a unit and then it leaving part of the story line! You ended on a good cliff hanger so I can't wait to see what happens next! Great job!

So here's the stats between you two:

Naoki has 3,258 soldiers , level 2 castle, 5 highly trained ronin, 1 highly trained ninja and 2 months of supplies along with 1,675 gold.

Ren has 1350 soldiers, level 2 castle (which doesn't matter since she's attacking not defending), 2 ronin and 1 month of supplies along with 200 gold.

In order to win a siege, you need double what the other side has in terms of troop numbers. The tunnels make numbers irrelevant, so the Sanada clan had a chance. The tunnel was flooded and before that, the Hojo clan filled the tunnels with traps. Neither side had a unit, but the Sanada clan had only 2 ronin against 5 highly trained ones and 1 highly trained ninja. If the siege was long, the Hojo clan would have outlasted the Sanada by one month and the Sanada didn't have enough gold for more supplies.

In terms of writing, both writer's tied—12.9. Both made it feel like 1560 Japan, in very different ways. Ren had better descriptions and blending of that with emotions and action. Naoki had sound strategies and made being a leader/strategist realistic.

The winner of Battle Task 4 Ren Sanada attacking Naoki Hojo is...

Naoki Hojo...congratulations.

music1or1books you did such a beautiful job and I really hate seeing you go. It breaks my heart, but you had such a great run. You grew so much and learned to write Japanese samurai warfare and every entry was enjoyable to read. I loved Ren's character and her story was such a tragic and truly heroic tale. Please, please, please feel free to write how she came to meet her end! I think we all need one last entry to tie up loose ends! Especially me, so do it! :) 

Clan 2: Kyou Asai attacking Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa

Kyou, perfect score, perfect entry. For the past several tasks and battle tasks, I'd missed the close combat, but in this one... you absolutely blew me away. The details about the techniques along with all the Japanese terms not only made me feel like I was right there with him, in a battle in 1560 Japan, but it really showed me all the research and hard work you put into this. No emotions were directly mentioned, but I love this because you SHOWED me what he was feeling in the brutal way he fought. Somehow that made for a more enjoyable read than if you had done it the other way. Even though he was a total bad-a... you still had him struggle toward the end, and made the entire situation realistic and still managed to leave me on a cliff hanger (yes it's my own fault) so that no one knows how it will end up and you still left it open, like it could go anywhere. I'm anxious to find out what happens next, either way no matter how this turns out.