Hello, and welcome back to the pit of sarcasm.
This chapter is dedicated to Lady-Jeffery who requested a specific band for a chapter.
She's really sweet and amazing, and leaves the best comments.
Now, to the songs.
(Little update: the chapter I wrote somehow got deleted or didn't save, so what I have is a rewrite.)
Band: Bring Me The Horizon
"Tear me to pieces, sell me for parts"
Okay, so when I was a kid, I used to do this thing called scrapping with my uncle. What you do is you go out and find things people are throwing away that are made of metal, and you take them to a junkyard for money.
In none of this do I recall finding human remains, so I'm pretty sure you're doing that wrong.
"The walls are a funeral, I run with ghosts. No hint of movement, no sign of pulse"
I mean, I would HOPE there wouldn't be a pulse or movement. Otherwise it's not a funeral; just a scary ass show and tell.
"So come rain on my parade"
The phrase is "don't rain on my parade" but you do you.
Different strokes for different folks, right?
"Cut me open and tell me what's inside"
Are you expecting them to cut you open and find KFC chicken and lottery tickets or something?
Maybe if you paid attention in Human Anatomy in high school you'd know what's inside you.
"I need a cure for me cause a square doesn't fit a circle"
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?
Is this like that kid toy that they use to teach shapes where they have the blocks and the assigned holes?
"Babe, I don't get this" he wailed
"Well shit man, maybe if you'd put the fucking CIRCLE in the CIRCLE HOLE you wouldn't be having issues."
"I was raised in a valley, there was shadows and death"
I like that this song starts off on a happy and positive vibe.
"I can fear death no longer, I've died a thousand times"
BREAKING NEWS: Oli Sykes, lead singer of the popular alternative band "Bring Me The Horizon", has just been outed as Dean Winchester!
"How are we, on a scale of one to ten?"
I love how this song is so serious. It talks about people wanting to get into Heaven, but not being willing to end life in order to get there.
And then Oli whips out a rating scale.
Is that how God tells if you get into Heaven?
"I dunno, man. You were a solid 7.4 and you have to be at LEAST a 7.6 to get in."
"Cause you're chewing off my ear while you're chewing on your chin"
1) How is it physically possible to bend like that?
2) Cannibalism?
"We'll sharpen your teeth, tell yourself that it's just business"
"Hey I'm back-- what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm sharpening my teeth, love. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"The FUCK? Why?"
He flashed a pointed smile.
"It's just business, love."
The HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
"Don't say I'm better off dead. Cause heaven's full and hell won't have me"
*Catholic person comes crashing in* HAVE YOU A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT THE MIDDLE GROUND, PURGATORY
"Every scar will build my throne"
Are you planning on ripping your skin off and building a throne with it?
Because that doesn't sound sturdy, or comfortable in my opinion.
Just sayin'.
"But if I sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, I'll be alright"
*aggressively sings 'We Are Family' until my urge to beat the shit out of people decreases*
"My head is like a carousel, and I'm going round in circles"
I'm just imagining Oli singing this at a Bring Me The Horizon concert.
And as he does, he starts throwing his head in circles.
Everyone thinks he's being all hard core, head banging to the music.
When suddenly, he just takes off like a helicopter.
MAYBE THATS WHY HE KEEPS SAYING TO SING LOUDER.
He can't hear us from so far up in the air.
"I watch you like I'm gonna tear you limb from limb"
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
Or maybe just more cannibalism? Who knows.
"The life will leave my lungs, but my heart will stay with you"
"Look ma'am, I know this is creepy and morbid as fuck, but his will directly stated that you were to receive his heart after death. I don't make the rules woman, now take it."
Is this how that conversation would go?
"That little kiss you stole, it held my heart and soul"
Well shit man, it sounds like that was more than just a little kiss, huh?
"My heart's a hieroglyph, it talks in tongues"
That sounds legitimately terrifying.
You're just laying on his chest, trying to be all cute like,
"Babe, I can hear your heart beating."
And he goes,
"Listen closer, babe."
So you do, and you hear his heart speed up.
You think, "aw, how cute, he's nervous"
When suddenly, you hear,
*beat* *beat* "OOOMANAGALAFAGA MATARADA OOO"
FUCK THAT, MY MAN.
"Your head's a hurricane; it moves in waves"
Solid, so now we have Helicopter Man and Miss Hurricane Head.
#OTP
"And in the darkness you will see the sun"
WELL NO SHIT.
Also, wouldn't it not be dark anymore? Because the sun is out?
Logic, Oli. Gotta use it.
I had points I made in the original that I forgot, but I'm pretty happy with this.
If y'all have any requests for bands, let me know and I'll listen to their songs for a future chapter!
~Grey
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Rants; A Tale Of Epic Annoyance
De TodoThis will be a book of my rants, commonly spilled onto the unfortunate souls whom happen to talk to me. Enjoy yourself; perhaps you'll relate.
