Bad Place

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by Shazza99
by Shazza99
                                    
                                              WARNING! Mention of self harm and suicidal thoughts. Please don't read if you feel uncomfortable with this. 
                          Emma had been in a bad way for a few months. Everyone that came into her life...Left. It was all her fault. She would piss them off so bad. Ruin every friendship she had. Sure it hurt, but she moved on quickly.
                          Losing the love of her life, was one of the hardest things she went through. She had a short temper, jealousy issues and she would have bad thoughts.
                          She would imagine Regina being with other men or women. She would think Regina was lying to her about things, but she wasn't.
                          Some nights she would lay awake in her bed, thinking about Regina being passionate in bed with someone else. It killed her. Thinking of Regina kissing and holding someone else, but she wasn't doing that.
                          Before Regina came along, Emma was hurting herself, she had the scars on her arms. On her heart. To prove it. She used to think that everyone would be better off without her. She would think about ending it all...But she was glad she didn't, and those thoughts left, never to return.
                          But now as she sits alone in her room, after having the biggest fight with Regina and losing her, those thoughts have come back. She sits crossed legged on her bed, staring into space. Thinking of how she could end it. Tears streamed down her face, her mouth open a little. No emotion present.
                          All she wanted was for Regina to run into her room and hold her in her arms. Kiss her and tell her she wasn't going anywhere and that everything would be okay. She knew that wouldn't happen.
                          She traced her scars with her fingers, she closed her eyes and bit her lip. Trying to stop the tears but they fell harder.
                          She could deal with losing Killian. She could deal with losing Neal. She could deal with losing Lily. She couldn't deal with losing Regina.
                          All the things Emma said to Regina that hurt the woman she loved...It hurt her. She hurt herself by hurting Regina, but the things that Regina said...Cut deep into her. Shattering her heart into a million tiny pieces.
                          She wanted to end it all. She needed to let go...There was no way she could move on now. Losing Regina, made lose part of herself. A part of her she would never get back. All the promises broken. Words unspoken, things she wanted to say to Regina but never got the chance...
                          Emma fell in love too easy, that was her problem. 
                          She stood up from her bed and began to pace around the room. She felt all the emotion inside of her begin to turn into a big ball of anger. She let out a growl and punched the wall hard.
                          She fell to the floor, clutching her hand, her thumb gently stroking her red knuckles as the tears poured down faster once more.
                          "I need to let go." She repeated over and over. "I can't let go...I need Regina." She cried.
                          She didn't tell Regina how she felt because she didn't realise it herself...But now that she lost Regina...She realised she was in love with her.
                          "I need you." She whispered as she moved herself to lean against the wall she had punched. "I fucking need you Regina."