Where I'm Supposed To Be ( Sidemen Fanfic )

Chapter Nineteen

*trigger warning: mentions of cutting*

I felt someone pull back the comforter and lift my arm that I had cut last night. I could feel the bandages being removed.

"Oh, God," Simon's voice said, it was still thick from sleep.

"Okay, now you are going to have to get on her to hold her down, this will most definitely wake her up. And Josh, you are going to lock the door so we can get her to take the medicine. After an episode like that, it's difficult to get her to take them," Tobi instructed Josh and Simon. I felt Simon climb onto me and he sat on my waist and put his hands on my arm and shoulder.

I heard the sound of the door shutting and locking. I felt a hand grab onto my forearm whet the cuts weren't.

"Okay, here we go," Tobi said and then I felt something wet on my arm. At first it was just cold and then it started to burn. I opened my eyes and tried to sit up and pull my arm back but they both had a strong grip.

"Lee, calm down its okay," Simon said in a sweet voice.

"It burns so bad," I said clenching my teeth and on the verge of tears.

"Just a bit longer and then I'll wipe it off and wrap it again," Tobi said as he raised a cloth and then wiped off the cleaning product. The burning had stopped and a tear fell down my cheek as I laid back on the bed and sighed.

"I'm so proud of you," Simon said in my ear before whiling the tear off my cheek and kissing it.

"Now let's get you some medicine," Josh said as he came over with a small dish with them all in it already and a water bottle.

"Why would I want to take them, they make me feel different," I said and he looked at me with a sad expression.

"But it's a good different," Tobi said and I shook my head.

"No, it doesn't let me feel the way I want and think of the things that I want to think," I said looking at Tobi.

"I know that you don't like them, but will you take them for me?" Simon asked. I shrugged. "Can you guys give us a minute?" He asked turning to the other two boys in the room. They nodded and left.

Simon picked up the little dish and handed me the water. I sat up and leaned against the wall with Simon still sitting on me. He took one pill out and put it in my hand.

"If you love me, then take this pill," he said as he looked into my eyes. I opened the water and put the pill in my mouth before washing it down with the water. Simon continued to do this with the rest of the pills.

When they were all gone, he put the water bottle and dish away and started kissing me. I kissed him back and put my hands on the back of his head and into his hair. His hands went to the hem of my shirt and he put one of his hands on my bare skin. I jumped a bit and he pulled away.

"Your hands are cold as fuck!" I exclaimed and he laughed.

"Your starting to sound like yourself again," he said and rested his forehead on mine. "I was thinking that we could take a break from work today and just hang around all day with the others. They are planning to do the same," he said and smiled. I nodded and he stood up and held out his hand for me to take. I gladly took it.

When we got downstairs we walked into the kitchen and JJ and Vikk were full on eating each other's faces off.

"Please you guys, we eat in here," Simon said jokingly but kind of serious at the same time.

"Yeah, no sex in the kitchen," I said jokingly.

"Then I guess we had better go to my room then," JJ said and Vikk jumped up and wrapped his legs around his waist.

"Use protection!" Simon shouted after them. I laughed and sat up on the counter while Simon made us toast. Josh and Tobi walked in and started laughing.

"You should have seen Vikk's face when you said that!" Tobi laughed.

"And now you can hear their moans from the living room," Josh said laughing too.

"Go tell them no fucking when Nikki is here, I think that she is innocent still," I said and then Nikki walked in.

"I'm not innocent. I'm not a virgin any more thank you very much," she said while rubbing her eyes. I chocked on my own spit. "And the last time I checked, you were still a virgin and the only person you've been with since then was Sam and I know that you didn't have sex." She finished and the room was silent for a while.

"First of all you are only 17 and who did you sleep with?!" I asked in disbelief.

"My ex. We were both drunk after we stole some beers from mom," she said.
"So am I right or what?" She asked sitting down on a bar stool. I just looked down at my hands as I played with them.

"I'm going to take that as a yes," she said.

I picked up my toast and went up to my room and shut the door and sat in my gaming chair. Someone knocked and I didn't say anything. I heard the door open and close and then the chair spun around so I was facing him, Simon. He was crouched down on the floor.

"There is nothing wrong with being a virgin," he said taking my hands in his.

"It's just embarrassing, even my 17 year old sister has had sex and me, a 20 year old, still hasn't," I said and I could feel my face heating up. He leans in close and kissed me. It started to get rough. Soon enough he had his hands under my shirt just feeling my bare skin.

He pulled back just a little. "If you don't want this to go any further, just tell me and we can stop," he said.

"It's okay," I said and reconnected our lips. He lifted me from the chair and set me on the bed and then went to lock the door.

----------------------------------------------

Like I said before, I don't write smut but you can go and read another persons story of the smut and then come back and read the rest of the story. I hope that you are enjoying and let me know if you have any suggestions. There will be another chapter out tomorrow, bye!

P.S. Ilya <3