Where I'm Supposed To Be ( Sidemen Fanfic )

Chapter Thirtyfour

I woke up and it was midnight. I was still on the couch with Simon and everyone else. Simon, Josh, Vikk, JJ, and Ethan were all asleep and everyone else was awake and talking amongst themselves or watching the show on the television. Tobi was looking at the TV, lost in the show.

"Hello, Tabi," I said and yawned a bit. His head turned at the sudden sound.

"Jesus, Lee! You scared the shit out of me!" He said and held a hand to his chest.

"Sorry, Tabi," I said and looked over to Simon's sleeping face. He was so adorable when he slept.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Harry asked from the floor.

"I don't know, probably," I said whilst shrugging. I scooted off of Simon's lap so I was squeezed between Simon and Tobi.

"You should get back to sleep," Tobi said and put his arm around my shoulders in a best friend kind of way.

"But I'm not tired," I whined slightly. Tobi, Harry, and Mitch all smiled and laughed a bit.

"How have you been feeling other than stressed and the headaches?" Harry asked. It has been a long time since I've seen him last, when I told them all I was pregnant to be exact.

"You know, it's been hard. Some of the thoughts I've been having have scared me, not being able to take the medicine is making things so much more difficult," I said and my eyes starting to water. Tobi just squeezed my shoulders. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"What medicine?" Preston asked. Rob hit his arm and glared at him. He whispered to him telling him it was rude to ask that.

"No, it's okay, really. I have depression and I have been on this antidepressant for about five years. Since I'm pregnant, you aren't supposed to take it because it could hurt the baby," I said. They all looked at me and gave sad smiles.

"Does Simon know about the thoughts?" Jerome asked.

"Yeah and now he basically won't leave me alone. I'm actually surprised that he let me eat in the kitchen alone," I said and looked down at my bare arms. One of my thumbs was tracing the scars lightly.

Sometime during this conversation, Josh had woken up.

"How come I wasn't notified of this," Josh said staring at me.

"I didn't want to have the same conversation and thing happen as last time we confronted the topic," I said with a couple of tears sliding down my face at the memory of the event.

"I know that it's hard to talk about these things but you should tell people so we can help you," Josh said as he sat in front of me on the floor. By this time I was full on crying. "I made a promise that I would always be there for you and I don't plan on breaking it."

I let out a sob and he pulled me into his warm chest and encased me in his warm embrace. I pulled back a bit and looked at him, face to face. "I love you, Josh," I said and dove back into the hug.

"And I love you, Lee," Josh said and held me closer.

"Awe, it's just so moving and beautiful!" Mitch and Jerome said. They fake sniffles and pretended to wipe tears from their eyes. We all laughed which woke up everyone that was asleep.

"What did we miss?" Simon asked while stretching and rubbing his eyes.

"Nothing," I said and wiped some actual tears from my face. We all laughed some more.

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I know that this is short and I'm really sorry. My life isn't the best right now and it's been harder for me to write this lately. I'm extremely stressed and busy and tired and sad right now and yeah. Again I'm really sorry for it being short but I just wanted to get something out for you guys. Next upload (hopefully) will be on Thursday. Bye.