Drown Me (Joshler)

Six

     Falling. I was falling. Falling into the darkness, unable to catch myself. I screamed for Josh to save me, to catch me. But, he was falling with me. He jumped with me. So close to the bottom. We were almost touching the dark water, the wet, jagged rocks. Falling.

     I woke up and the room was still dark. Josh wasn't snoring. I sat up to see if Josh was there. He was gone. Then, I heard muffled crying. The bathroom light was on. I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom door.
“Josh?” I knocked on the door softly. The crying stopped.
“What?”
“Are you okay?” I asked. I was pretty sure I knew what he was doing, but I didn't want to say something about it and be wrong. Josh was quiet for a minute.
“Yeah.”
“Can I come in then?”
“Ummm…” I didn't wait for an answer. I tried turning the doorknob, and the door opened. The first thing I saw was blood. Then I saw Josh.

     He was a mess. He was covered in blood, he was in a ball, crying… I went and sat next to him, wrapping my arms around him. He nuzzled his head into my chest.
“Josh…” I didn't know what to say to him. I thought he was getting better. We were both doing so good. Maybe he wasn't doing as good I thought he was. After about 20 minutes, Josh spoke up.
“I'm sorry.” Josh whispered.
“Don't be. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you sooner. Just talk to me. I'm here for you, just like you're here for me.” Josh looked up from the floor and searched my eyes. He was probably checking to see if I was lying to him.
“Will you leave me too? Please don't leave me.”
“I'm never going to leave you. Whoever left you doesn't deserve you. You are so much better than them.”
“Are you sure?” He whispered.
“I'm sure. Josh, I-” I stopped. Now was not the time. It was too soon. I just looked away.
“You what?” I shook my head. “Tyler. You what?”
“I… I think I love you.” I said.

     Josh tensed up.
“Oh.”
“Sorry. You hate me now. I can leave if you want, then.” I started to stand up, but Josh pulled me back down.
“No, stay.”
“I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you.” I mumbled.
“Stop. I just… I need time to think about this. Okay?” I nodded. “Good. We should probably clean up this mess now.” I nodded again, and we stood up. Josh's arms and stomach were covered in cuts and blood, there was blood and razors all over the floor. He took a shower while I cleaned up the floor and threw away the razors. The whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I messed up.

***

     Two days had passed since the bathroom incident. Josh didn't seem very comfortable around me anymore. I understood completely. It was way too soon for me to be in love with him, and it was definitely way too soon for me to tell him. Josh didn't love me back, and it must have been uncomfortable for him. Josh and I laid down to go to sleep.
“Tyler?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don't be upset with me. I just don't want to rush into anything and ruin our friendship.” I nodded. “I was thinking, maybe we should try it and if it doesn't work out, try to go back to the way we were before?” I turned to face Josh. Was he saying he wanted to date me?
“Really?”
“Of course.” Josh smiled. We just laid there, looking at each other. I fell asleep watching his sparkling eyes.

     Josh and I were dating now. We weren't really intimate yet, but that was okay. We agreed to take it slow and see if it would work out. Josh challenged me to a few rounds of Mario Kart. We played for over three hours, and I beat him almost every round.
“No fair! You cheated!” Josh accused me. He fake pouted at me.
“No, I'm just that good. Or you're just that bad.” I laughed. Since I met Josh, I had been doing that a lot more. Laughing. I was so much happier with Josh. I could tell Josh was happier, too. We both had our moments, like the bathroom incident, but we were getting better.