Drown Me (Joshler)

Nineteen

A/N
I'm updating again today because the last one was pretty short. This is kind of just a filler chapter though, but I promise the fic is going somewhere. Thanks for sticking around frens. Stay alive |-/

***Josh POV***

     I woke up on the couch, Tyler’s head on my chest. Knowing how uncomfortable it was to sleep on my couch all night, I decided to go upstairs. Tyler wouldn't wake up when I tried to wake him, so I picked him up and started to carry him bridal-style up the stairs. Of course he woke up then.
“I love you.” He mumbled, barely awake.
“Love you too, Tyler.” I said, but he was asleep again. After I managed to get upstairs with Tyler in my arms, I gently set him down on the bed and tucked him in. I laid down next to him, but I couldn't sleep.

     My thoughts kept me awake. Tyler loved me? He didn't even know me. If he knew me, he wouldn't love me. Tyler would hate me, like everyone else did. He would leave me, just like my parents did. No, I told myself, You're being stupid. Tyler loves you. I tried to tell myself that, but I couldn't help thinking the bad thoughts. I took a few deep breaths because I noticed it was starting to get hard to breathe. I closed my eyes, and eventually, I fell asleep to the sound of Tyler's steady breathing.

     Morning came and passed, and I slept until sometime after noon. I couldn't remember the last time I slept that long. Tyler was telling me to wake up with his soft tone of voice.
“Josh, wake up. It's almost 1.”
“Huh?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“Wake up or you won't be able to sleep tonight.”
“Fine. I'm awake.” I yawned and sat up. The position I was in made the sun shine directly it my eyes and blinded me for a moment.

***

     We ate breakfast, showered, and everything else. After that, we both sat on the couch, watching movies again just like we did the day before. I had some time to think, and I had an idea.
“Tyler, you sing, right?”
“Yeah. I also play piano, guitar, and ukulele. Why?”
“Well, I was thinking… I haven't really been playing my drums since I was kicked out of my old band, and I kind of miss it. Maybe we should start a band together?” Tyler thought about it for a second. Then he shrugged.
“Why not? Sounds fun.” So, we went down to the basement where I had my drums and some other random instruments I kept from old bands I had been in. Then, we played.

“I wake up fine and dandy but
Then by the time I find it handy
To rip my heart apart and
Start planning my crash landing
I go up, up, up, up, up to the ceiling
Then I feel my soul start leaving
Like an old man's hair receding
I'm pleading please
Oh please on my knees
Repeatedly asking
Why it's got to be like this
Is this living free
I don't want to be the one
Be the one who has the
Sun's blood on my hands,
I'll tell the moon
Take this weapon forged in darkness
Some see a pen
I see a harpoon.”

     Tyler rapped while I played the drums. We were playing the third song of the day. I liked watching and listening to Tyler sing and rap. He was so beautiful, and his voice was indescribably perfect.

“I'll stay awake
'Cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight

Why am I not scared in the morning
I don't hear those voices calling
I must have kicked them out
I must have kicked them out
I swear I heard demons yelling
Those crazy words they were spelling
They told me I was gone
They told me I was gone

But I'll tell them
Why won't you let me go
Do I threaten all your plans
I'm insignificant
Please tell them you have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
What have I become
I'll tell them

On the eve of a day that's forgotten and fake
And the trees
They await and clouds anticipate
The start of a day when we put on our face
A mask that portrays
That we don't need grace
On the eve of a day that is bigger than us
But we open our eyes
'Cause we're told that we must
And the trees wave their arms and
The clouds try to plead
Desperately yelling
There's something we need
I'm not free
I asked forgiveness three times,
Same amount that I denied
I three-time mvp'ed this crime,
I'm afraid to tell you who I adore
Won't tell you who I'm singing towards
Metaphorically I'm a whore
And that's denial number four

I'll stay awake
'Cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight

Why am I not scared in the morning
I don't hear those voices calling
I must have kicked them out
I must have kicked them out
I swear I heard demons yelling
Those crazy words they were spelling
They told me I was gone
They told me I was gone

But I'll tell them
Why won't you let me go
Do I threaten all your plans
I'm insignificant
Please tell them, you have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
What have I become
I'll tell them
You have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
What have I become
I'll tell them
I'll tell them
I'll tell them
I'll tell them

Please tell them
You have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
What have I become
I'm sorry.”
    
     We finished the song. I hadn't payed attention during it at all, though. I was too focused on Tyler. I loved spending time like this with Tyler, even if I hadn't had very much yet. It felt great to be around him. I was comfortable around him. Tyler made me feel wanted, cared about, loved… Tyler meant so much to me. I was so thankful that he survived.

     The rest of the day was spent on the couch, kind of watching the TV, but mostly talking to each other. It felt right. My whole life had been spent feeling worthless, unloved… Until I met Tyler. Then, I realized that I had something, well, someone, to love for. Tyler saved me, even if he didn't know it. He didn't need to know, as long as he knew that I loved him.