Drown Me (Joshler)

Eight

A/N
Hey so this has a ton of reads and it's so undeserving but thank you? Seriously thank you frens for reading and putting up with my annoying shit but yeah

     Josh smiled at me. His eyes crinkled slightly and they sparkled even more than before. I told him I loved him.
“I love you too, Tyler.” Josh grabbed my hand. I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. He was so warm and comfortable, I never wanted to move. His beauty stood out even more than usual at times like this.
“You're so beautiful, you know?”
“You're even more beautiful. I'm so lucky to have you.” I lifted my head off of his shoulder and moved towards his cheek, planting a kiss.

     I woke up in a great mood. My dream had been amazing. It made me feel the need to let Josh know how much I loved him. I rolled over in bed to face Josh.
“Josh?” I shook him awake gently.
“What? Is something wrong?” Josh asked with panic in his voice.
“No, nothing like that. I just want you to know I love you.” He smiled, his eyes crinkled. They sparkled some but not as much as in my dream.
“I love you too.” Josh attempted to hug me while we were laying down. It didn't really work out, but I didn't care.

     Once we woke up, we made tacos together for breakfast. While we ate them, we decided on a movie to watch. We finished our tacos, then went to the living room and turned on Titanic. Josh had said he'd never seen it before, so I convinced him to watch it with me. We ended up cuddling on the couch and falling asleep halfway through the movie.

     For the rest of the day, we just watched movies and cuddled on the couch. When it started to get late, we went upstairs and got ready to go to sleep.
“Hey Josh? I was thinking… Maybe I should start looking for a job. I mean, the money you have will only last for so long.”
“No. You shouldn't. I get enough money from my parents. They planned on me going to high school, not getting a job. You don't need to get a job, either.”
“But… I want to work.” I told him. Josh shook his head at me.
“I don't want you to.”
“That isn't your decision to make! Why don't you want me to have a job? Because you don't have one?”
“Because I can't protect you if I'm not there with you. Because I care about you.” Josh mumbled, looking down. I couldn't believe him.

     I was upset with Josh. He was being too over-protective. It wasn't his decision. He didn't get to choose everything I did.
“You're so over-protective! Josh, I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I want to get a job, and whether you like it or not, it's going to happen.” Josh was upset with me too. I understood why he didn't want me to work, but I didn't agree with him. It wasn't a big deal, and he was making it into a big deal. Josh was silent, deep in thought. Then, I realized he was shaking. He looked like he was struggling to breathe.
“Josh?” Josh sat down on the floor, shaking. I was by his side in a second, holding him, trying to comfort him.

     Why was Josh having a panic attack? He hadn't had one in a while.
“Tyler?” Josh whispered, the word shaky.
“Yeah?”
“You aren't going to leave me, right?” Oh. Then it made more sense.
“Never. I've told you that before.”
“I know, but…” Josh tried to talk to me, but gave up. I reached for his hand and held it, tracing circles with my thumb.
“I won't ever leave. I love you.” I promised him.
“I love you too.”

     We went to bed, but we both didn't sleep. I traced circles into his hand again.
“Sing me a song?” Josh asked. I nodded.

“The young boy wants to
Move ahead
And the old man sings rewind
I wonder when in this timeline
We'll break to the other side
Maybe there's a span of time
Where we feel we're neither nor
Not wanting to
Go back again and
Not wanting to go forth.”

     I sang softly. I looked into Josh's eyes. The sparkle in them was disappearing. He wasn't as happy as he used to be, when we weren't as close. Maybe I had done this to him, maybe not. I wasn't sure, but I didn't like it. Josh was unhappy. I just wanted Josh to be happy, and I didn't know how to do that. I watched as Josh’s eyes fluttered shut. His breathing slowed. He fell asleep quickly. It was times like this when I realized how much I really loved Josh. Times like this made me realize I had to stay strong because Josh needed me.