Drown Me (Joshler)

Twenty Two

A/N
Hey. This is kind of a short chapter, but I promise I'll have another one up in a few hours. Also, if you can find a Linkin Park reference in this chapter, I'll give you a virtual high-five for being awesome. If you can't, I'll give you a virtual high-five for being awesome too. Ily frens. Stay alive |-/

***Tyler POV***

     When I woke up, Josh wasn't sleeping next to me. So, I went downstairs. There he was, shaking, tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and he answered by telling me that he went to Taco Bell. I understood completely. Josh had a panic attack, and he wasn't fully over it yet. I forced him to go into the kitchen with me and made him sit down across from me at the table. I handed him a chalupa, and we ate in silence. Josh wasn't there with me though, not mentally. He was in his own world. I could tell.

     It made me indescribably happy that Josh went out of his way to get me Taco Bell. However, I didn't like seeing him this way, and I didn't want him to do things for me when it made him panic. I felt guilty. Josh did this for me, he cared about me. What had I done for him? Nothing. All I did was cause Josh trouble. He didn't deserve to have to go through that. I did.

     The thoughts, the voices… They were back. Everything around me started to fade into darkness, my vision was blurry. I stood up, I had to find an escape. Josh said something, but I couldn't hear him, and I tried to walk towards the doorway. I was shaking, and I was so dizzy. Light-headed. Josh's voice sounded so far away. It became quieter and quieter, until everything was black. Josh was next to me, holding me up. I tried to fight the voices, but I was too weak.

“Tyler, go to the bridge.”
“No. I don't want to.”
“That's unfortunate. Go to the bridge. Now.”
“Stop! Go away.”
“You can't fight me, Tyler. You can't kill me. You're weak, a coward. Go to the bridge.”

     I couldn't fight the voice in my head anymore. I tried so hard, and I got so far. In the end… It didn't even matter. Nothing I did mattered. I could still hear the sound of Josh's voice, but I couldn't make out the words he was saying. I gave up and fell into a heap on the floor. Josh scooped me up in his arms and carried me upstairs. I don't know what happened after because everything went black.

***

     The sound of Josh's soft, comforting voice woke me up.
“Tyler, you should wake up now. It's pretty late, and I know you'll want to sleep tonight.” Josh said quietly, grabbing my hand and tracing circles on it with his thumb. I loved it when he did that. I opened my eyes and yawned.
“True.”
“How are you feeling, Ty?” Josh asked, and I sat up and shrugged. He sat down next to me, on the edge of the bed.
“Could be better. You?”
“Could be better, I guess. Tyler?”
“What?”
“What happened? I mean, if you're comfortable talking about it.” I looked into Josh's eyes. They still sparkled, and that was good. However, they were filled with concern, and that wasn't good.

     I didn't want him to worry about me. Josh put me before him. He was going to fall apart if he didn't start worrying about himself more instead of me.
“The voice told me to go to the bridge… And I tried to tell it no, but it wouldn't listen.” I said weakly. Josh was quiet, and when he was about to speak, I cut him off. “Don't worry about me, though. I can handle it.”
“Tyler, you…” Josh started to say but just shook his head.
“I what?”
“You can't do it on your own. I know you don't want me to worry about you, but it kills me when I see you break down and I can't do anything about it. I want to help you, but I need you to tell me how-”
“Josh, I-”
“I love you Tyler. And if you love me, you have to trust me.” Josh cut me off, and he kissed me. I kissed him back, but he pulled away after a few minutes.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” I replied.
“Good.” Josh said and kissed me again.