Drown Me (Joshler)

Twenty

A/N
Thank you all so much for 600 views! These A/Ns are probably so annoying but whatever. FISHJISH is amazing like always, and ilysm. Thanks for being so supportive and kind and for just being so sick! Stay alive frens |-/

***Tyler POV***

     Falling. I was falling. Josh was holding my hand, but he was starting to get farther away from me. He tried to hold on. He couldn't. Josh let go. I fell further, faster than him. Josh seemed to stop falling, and as I fell, I watched as his figure became smaller and smaller. I tried to scream but couldn't find my voice. I looked down, away from Josh. The water was so close. Closer. Even closer. I could almost touch the water. Everything went black.

     I woke up, screaming, Josh shaking me.
“Tyler! Tyler, wake up!” He shook me gently. I opened my eyes and after realizing that it was just a dream, it wasn't real, I stopped screaming. “Shhh… You're okay.” Josh said to me in a calm voice. I was shaking. I sat up, and Josh pulled me into a hug, trying to comfort me. It worked. With Josh whispering soothing words into my ear and tracing circles on my arms, I eventually stopped shaking. I lifted my head and looked into Josh's sparkling eyes.
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too. And I'm sorry you had a nightmare.” Josh said with a sad smile. “Do you get them a lot?”
“Um, yeah.” Josh was quiet for a while, and then he leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead.

***

     I tried to convince Josh to play some music with me again, but he refused. He was still worried about me. I loved him so much, but he was kind of over-protective. I was okay, but I couldn't prove that to him. Josh cooked some tacos for us, and while we ate, we played Mario Kart. I was distracted by my thoughts the entire time, so I lost every round. Josh noticed, I could tell, but he didn't say anything about it. I was pretty sure Josh didn't want to put me in a worse mood.

     Josh probably thought that I was getting better, and honestly, so did I. I hadn't had the nightmares since before the “accident”, unless the entire coma counted as a nightmare. I thought it did. Either way, I had been doing so good. The thoughts hadn't been there in so long. I felt safe, I felt genuinely happy. Why did I have one of the nightmares again? They hadn't ever gone away. They would always be there. Sure, the nightmares would go away for a while, but in the end, they would always come back. I hated them. I wished they would just go away.

     Josh and I spent the whole day sitting on the couch together, kind of watching TV, mostly talking or getting lost in our thoughts. We did this almost every day since I woke up from my coma, but it hadn't gotten boring yet. As long as I was with Josh, I was okay.

     When it was time to go to bed, I started to worry. The thoughts were coming back. Josh doesn't love you. How could someone as beautiful, perfect, as Josh ever love someone like you? Worthless. Stupid. Ugly. You don't deserve Josh. You deserve to die. Go to the bridge. You know where it is.
“No! Stop!”
“No what? Tyler?” Oh. I said that out loud.
“Ummm… Nothing. Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“D-Do you love me?” Josh stared at me for a moment, then took a few steps towards me. He put a hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me onto the bed, and I sat down next to him.
“Tyler, I love you so, so much. Never doubt that. I don't know where I'd be without you. Stay strong, okay? I'm with you every step of the way. I care about you so much, and I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I love you.”

     Josh and I laid down, and he held me.
“Is there anything you need?” Josh asked me.
“Tacos.” I giggled. He laughed too.
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep in Josh's arms.