Drown Me (Joshler)

Seventeen

A/N
Hey! Sorry there wasn't an update yesterday, I was busy and then forgot to write a chapter. This has almost 500 reads? What?!?! Thank you all so much! FISHJISH has been such a big help, so thanks much. Stay alive frens |-/

**Josh POV**

     The doctors wouldn't let Tyler leave the hospital right away, but when they did, I took Tyler to my house. He didn't have anywhere else to go. I cared about this boy, even though I barely knew him. He was beautiful. He was so different than any other person I had ever met, and I liked that about him. Tyler was his own person, he didn't pretend to be anyone he wasn't. I wished I could be like him in that way. I wished I could express my feelings and stand out without feeling awkward. I wished I could be unique. It just wasn't possible. My anxiety got in the way.

     We were at my house. Tyler and I were sitting on the couch together, watching some movies. I had an idea.
“Ty?” Tyler looked over at me, no reaction to the new nickname. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have a place to stay? Like, if you want, you can stay here. You don't have to if you don't want to. Just a thought.” He was quiet for what felt like forever, staring into my eyes. Studying my eyes. After a while, he smiled.
“I'd love to.” I smiled back, mumbling to myself, “Cool.”

     So, it was decided. Tyler would be staying with me. I tried to hide my excitement and remain calm in front of Tyler, but really, I was mentally jumping up and down, screaming from joy. Tyler seemed to have the same feeling, though. To celebrate, we decided to go to Taco Bell. We walked because the local Taco Bell wasn't very far away from my house.

     “Hey, do you mind ordering? I'll be right back.” Tyler said, pointing towards the bathroom. I just nodded. Yes, I did mind. He left me in line and went to the bathroom. My anxiety started to kick in and I started to shake. I was able to stay calm when Tyler was close to me, but when he left, I felt myself start to shake and it was hard to breathe. What did Tyler say he wanted? I couldn’t think properly, and I felt like I was suffocating. There were way too many people there. I slowly made my way to a table, hoping Tyler would be understanding. The walls seemed to cave in around me. I sat in a plastic chair, shaking, for a few minutes, until Tyler came back.
“Josh? What's wrong?” Tyler asked. He put one hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Then, he realized I was having a panic attack. “Oh. Shhh… It's okay. I'm here.” I forced myself to smile and nod.
“Th-Thanks.” I stuttered.
“Of course. Come on, let's get back home. I'll make us something, okay?” I nodded and stood up, shakily.

***

     When we got outside, I was still shaking really bad. Tyler led me to a bench in an area that was clear of people.
“Shhh… Josh, it's okay. You're okay.” Tyler said softly. I looked into his eyes, which were filled with concern. They were beautiful, like him. I tried to thank him but couldn't, so he just grabbed my hand and traced circles, like he was trying to calm me down and show me that he was there with me. I no longer felt like I was trapped, and my breathing slowed.
“Ready to go now?”
“Yeah.” I answered, nodding. We stood up and started walking home.

     When we got home, Tyler ordered me to lay down on the couch and watch the movie he put on the TV. I tried to object, but I decided I didn't want to argue with Tyler about it. He cared about me, and that was a great feeling. I should have been the one worrying about him, but I couldn't control Tyler. He had a mind of his own.

     When Tyler was convinced I was really watching the movie, he left the room. I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, but I didn't want to get up and see. After about 20 minutes, the smell of cooking hamburger meat filled the house. About 10 minutes later, Tyler came into the room with a ton of tacos. I sat up to make room for him on the couch.
“You didn't have to do this, Tyler.”
“You think this is just for you? Maybe I wanted some tacos, too.” He laughed and sat down next to me, handing me a plate full of tacos. We ate side by side, watching the movie in silence. When we finished, I thanked him and he took the dishes into the kitchen.

     When Tyler came back into the room and sat down next to me, I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. I felt him tense up underneath me, but he relaxed after a few seconds. We watched the rest of the movie and started another one.
“What're you thinking about?” I asked Tyler. He didn't answer for a moment, and I wondered if he had even heard me.
“You.”