Drown Me (Joshler)

Twenty Six

A/N
Another update so soon because PrinceDallonForPrez wanted it. It's a little late because I forgot to do my homework and that should have been done before I even started writing again. Anyway, it's short and bad but... Whatever. Stay alive frens |-/

***Tyler POV***

    “Ty. We need to talk.” Josh said. We were sitting next to each other on the couch. I was on my phone. When I woke up, I went downstairs and made breakfast. I had to do something, anything, to distract my mind. I had had a nightmare, and all of the thoughts, the voices, were back. The conversation I had with Josh the night before did make things slightly awkward. No, not awkward. Uncomfortable. I knew he was right. I wouldn't be able to work things out on my own. But, I needed to try to be strong. The things that happened in my coma… They made me reluctant to use Josh for support. That's what I did in my dream, and look how that turned out.

    I looked up from my phone, into Josh's sparkling eyes. I realized that they weren't as bright as they had been. Thoughts threatened to become words, and I was about to mention his eyes, but I stopped myself. Josh didn't need to hear that. I hoped that if I pretended Josh hadn't said anything, he would forget that he wanted to talk. I didn't want to talk, I wasn't ready. I looked back down at my phone and scrolled through pictures of cats.

    “Tyler. I'm serious. We need to talk.” Josh pressed on. He sighed, and I sighed too. Josh calling me Tyler meant he was actually serious. Accepting defeat, knowing Josh would be even more upset if I ignored him, I turned my phone off and put it down on the arm of the couch.
“Yes?”
“Tyler, what's going on? You're so… Different lately.”
“Nothing.”
“Don't lie to me,” Josh said, and he grabbed my hand, “You're not yourself anymore. What's wrong? Is it me?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing.” Josh was obviously getting annoyed by my one-word responses. I didn't want him to think that I wasn't in love with him because that just wasn't true. I did love him, so much I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for him. My life too, if it came down to it.

    Josh was talking, but I wasn't listening. The thoughts were back, worse than before. Josh wanted you to die when you jumped. You should have. Maybe you should try again. No, you'd just fail again. Like you do with everything. Just go to the bridge. Jump. No one will miss you. Especially not Josh. He wants you gone. He wants you to die.
“No! Leave me alone!” I cried. It was too much. I couldn't take it anymore.
“What? Ty?” He took my other hand and held both, moving closer to me on the couch.

    I needed him. I buried my head into his chest and bawled, and Josh murmured comforting words into my ear.
“Shhh… It's okay. You're okay. Shhh…” He helped me, and eventually, I calmed myself down enough for the tears to stop.
“J-Josh?” I hiccuped.
“Ty?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Ty.”

***

    We fell asleep, Josh cradling me in his arms. When I woke up, Josh was still sleeping. I shifted slightly, and Josh woke up too. He was such a light sleeper.
“Morning.” I said with a croaky, morning voice.
“Morning.” Josh repeated, matching my tone. I kissed his cheek before I got up and stretched. By now, we should have known not to fall asleep on the couch. It was so uncomfortable.

    I walked into the kitchen and looked through the cupboards, finding next to nothing to eat. I searched the fridge and found nothing.
“What're you getting?” Josh called from the living room.
“I don't know. There isn't anything.”
“Well, do you want to go to Taco Bell before we go to the store?”
“Not really,” I said, “I've had enough tacos for a while.”
“Ummm… I guess breakfast will have to wait, then.” Josh said, appearing in the doorway.