Collapsed World [MxM, Non-Con, Mpreg]

Part 29 [Iris]

The assurance that Lykaios gave him that he wouldn't allow him to die was far less reassuring than one would expect, and to Iris it seemed more like a promise that this torture was likely to never end. Though in all honesty, Iris didn't actually want to die, but what he truly wanted was so far from being obtainable that it wasn't even worth hoping for anymore. More than anything he wished for the company of his children, who he missed most of all. Though he wouldn't have wanted them to be there with him, or even see one of their parents in this condition, but he would have liked to be able to see them all the same. He thought of them in his moments of calmness, the thought of them always brought peace to Iris' troubled mind. He wondered where they were, and prayed that were lucky enough to not know pain or suffering in this capacity, though Iris knew that it was most likely impossible that they were living happy lives, at least he could hope that they were not in pain, where ever they might be.

In a way, it wouldn't have mattered if Lykaios was violent this time around or not, because Iris already had it in his thoughts that it was going to be horrible, and even though the other didn't tear into him like the previous times, that was what Iris was expecting, and his thoughts were tormented with the anticipating of suffering to the point that even the smaller rips at his entrance felt more like gaping holes that were shredding him to pieces. He never fully realized that Lykaios was actually going at least somewhat easy on him this time around as his nerves were so fully shot that he wasn't even completely sure what was going on anymore. His own thoughts tangling together with whatever words that were offered to him to the point that he almost couldn't tell the difference. Was it possible for everything to be alright? Was there any possible outcome that would allow him to hold onto his sanity? Would it ever end? Iris was indeed consumed by the fear that he felt, but that fear wasn't truly in direct correlation with the darkness that surrounded him. Perhaps on his own, if put in a dark place without the promise of torment and abuse looming over his head, he would have been able to overcome the uneasy feeling that accompanied his inability to see anything around him, but not like this, not knowing that Lykaios was there, the unpredictable element that stripped him of his ability to remain emerged in calmness.

If Lykaios truly liked the calmness of Iris emotions, he would have loved the pre-war Iris, as calmness had been one of his defining qualities. Iris had always been the level-headed one, ever quiet and thoughtful, only speaking when he felt that his words held importance. He found joy and happiness in serenity, peace, and all things soft and quiet. There was nothing quite as relaxing as laying in complete solitude without a single concern or thought to interrupt his tranquil mind. As hard as it was for Iris to be separated from his mate and his children and after so many years without seeing them he indeed missed them greatly, but back then Iris actually spent a great deal of his time alone, as being alone with his own thoughts was one of the most pleasing things for Iris. What he wouldn't give to be alone now, to forget everything and everyone and just escape into the quiet abyss of his mind. Every thrust to his backside reminded him that his desires were impossible, and that peace was unachievable here in this wretched place. His normally clear teal eyes were bloodshot and dry from crying, and yet tears still painfully rolled down his cheeks though it felt as though he should have already ran out of fluid for tears by now. Iris hadn't had any real interest in eating or drinking since he came here, so it was hard to recognize his weakness as a need for nutrients. His soul felt heavy, and there was no amount of food or water to fill the needs of his heart.

As he was finally released from the restraints, Iris had no choice but to let Lykaios help him, as the other choice was to simply fall into the floor under his own weight, unable to even hold himself up by that point. He let out a small painful cry as his wings were moved then pressed closely to his back as he was lifted and carried to another unknown place. The last thing he wanted was to be in this man's arms, who'd brought him so much pain and distress and there was nothing comfortable or likely about his touches or the foreign words and melodies that came out of his mouth.

Iris shut his eyes tightly, his breathing hard and rapid as he was submerged in the warm water, gasping and whimpering as the liquid submerged his aching body and all the cuts and bruises that covered it now. The worst part was the fingers inside of him, cleaning his torn hole. He cried out, wrenching and struggling hopelessly against Lykaios in a meaningless attempt to gain even the smallest amount of personal space, something that he was craving greatly, to be far away from prying hands and to be without worry of being touched by anyone, let alone this dangerous person that made his stomach churn. The drug injected into his bloodstream was the only thing that brought Iris any sense of tranquility, though that feeling he also fought for as long as he could, knowing that it wasn't his true feelings. Mood-altering drugs had a strange effect on someone like Iris who felt things differently than most. He couldn't fight the effects, but the knowledge that those feelings were not really his own was inescapably trapped in the back of his mind. Feeling defeated, even in this small way, Iris lay motionless against the bed, letting his body sink heavily into it. He closed his eyes gently, his breath evening out and a look of peace settling onto his face, though in the back of his mind there was still panic and fear, suppressed there without any way to express those distant feelings.