Immaculate Misconception

Skype call (Trigger Warning)

I sighed as I slowly opened my eyes and I saw as a single ray of light seeped into my room through the curtains and I sighed. Saturday. This is the only time I would want Monday to come faster.

I pulled my apple laptop out from under my bed and logged on. I immediately went onto FaceBook and sighed. I saw that there were new photos up from some of my friends. I did have Facebook friends who understood me. They claim that they cared. My only best and closest friend was Abigail. She lived in Sacramento, California. I hoped one day I could meet her.

"Hey, Girl, I was just on the phone with Ricky, He is gonna pick you up from school Monday.." She trailed off and sighed "While you're at it, He said he might Skype you so I gave him the Thing for yours." She said and I nodded "Okay, Thanks." I said "Don't forget." She hiccuped. she's a bit drunk. "Behave when he's here." She said and I nodded and sighed. I logged into skype and saw a new contact request and I was uncomfortable sitting with my laptop on my bed so I went over to my desk that over-viewed the whole room. I set down my laptop and plugged it in.

I saw the contact request was actually from Ricky. I generally knew what he looked like, as i had known the band for awhile. After a little bit I saw he was calling me. Do I look generally okay? well, I had no makeup on and my hair's in a messy topknot. I answered anyway, plugging in my earbuds.

"Hello there, little sister." I heard his voice through my earbuds "Hey big brother." I said back and we both smiled. He had black makeup around his eyes and some lip rings. I also noticed a sleeve of tattoos. His skin was still pale."hey, I can't wait to see you. your hair is so cute now." He said and I smiled "I can't wait to see you either. It's been so long!" I exclaimed and he chuckled. He was laying on his stomach in what looked like a hotel room. "Yeah, I'm in a hotel now, but tomorrow I will be on my way to see you and I shall be there by Monday." He said happily and I smiled and "You just wake up?" He asked and I nodded, and saw it was around noon "Don't blame me, It's the weekend." I said and he chuckled and I did too. "Is that my face I see behind you?" He asked and I giggled as I turned around and saw my Motionless In White poster. "yeah. you wanna judge?" I joked and he laughed "No. But I am happy with your choices so far." We both laughed and I could help but think to myself yeah you're proud now but wait until you find out that I cut constantly. I didn't want to tell him or want him to find out, but I had reason to think he'd think I am crazy or a freak or something.

"So what's been happening in your life that I missed so far?" He asked and I sighed heavily "This is the last week of highschool and then I'm outta here. That's the one exciting thing other than seeing you again" I said and he chuckled "How's mom and dad. are they still..?" He trailed off and i nodded "Yeah, They've been the same since you left." I said and felt sad at the fact our parents have actually seemed to get worse over the years and didn't notice what they were doing to themselves. "They didn't do anything to you right?" He asked nervously and I shook my head "No, No I'm fine here, I just don't like what they've been doing to themselves." I said and he sighed "It'll be okay. I'll be there before you know it. Then you'll be out of there in your own apartment and you'll be totally safe. did you have an idea on where you're gonna move?" He asked and I nodded "yeah, I was thinking about moving to Scranton with you." I said and he turned his head "really?" he asked and I nodded "I'd want to be with my brother rather than be alone every day for the rest of my life." I said and he smiled at that.

We ended up talking and catching up until around dinner time and then we hung up the call and I was so happy he would be coming to see me. the only thing is though, I felt a small, tiny hint of fear in the bottom of my stomach that there would be some possible way he would find out I am a self-harm addict. He would probably reject me at that point. It started when he left. then it just spread around my arms and inner thighs. Almost like a disease. Although, to me it wasn't a disease. It was a release. A release from this hell I constantly find myself in. A way to release all my pain and anger.

I got up from my desk and went into the bathroom and took off my shirt and saw scars all the way up my arms and leading onto my collarbone. I wasn't proud of it, but I was addicted to it. the blood. the pain. the blade.

I sighed as I closed the bathroom door and looked under the counter and pulled out a small box, and took out one of many X-Acto razor blades. some were out of box cutters, others were from stores and others from pencil sharpeners.

I sighed as I took one, admiring how it glowed in the lighting. I sighed and dragged it across my wrists, in spaces that had not been cut yet. I did this for how much i lied. Why can't I ever tell the truth? He's my brother. I should be able to tell him. And yet, I can't. I can hardly think about it.

Later that night, I laid in my bed, my new scars were stinging a bit, but I had gotten used to it by now.

I sighed and stared up at the blank ceiling, just wishing sleep to sweep me away to a dream where I can escape and feel safe again.

I heard my laptop beep and I slowly sat up and made my way over to the laptop and opened the lid and saw I had a Skype message from Ricky.

I read it. It said "if you ever need anything for any reason, call me. Even if you just wanna talk." And then it was his phone number.

I smiled and felt a warm feeling in my heart. I felt cared about. For once in my life I felt cared about.

I sighed and added his number to my contacts. I called him "Big Brother, Ricky." And I chuckled at it, but saved it.

I climbed back into bed and put in my earbuds and began playing Immaculate Misconception and then let it play me to sleep. I seriously can't wait to see Ricky in person.