Immaculate Misconception

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I sighed as I fell back onto the couch and Ricky was sitting next to me, the others already at their houses to settle in back home again from tour.

I already had Lilith back from Ryan Ashley, and I had my wig on finally. It was so realistic. It was really pretty too. Blonde and curly.

I sighed as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had lost almost 30 pounds from being unable to eat normal meals.

It wasn't fun and I knew one day that probably, the malnutrition alone would kill me. But for now I was happy. I had Ricky, I had a great boyfriend, and I had the guys and girls as practical family.

"How're you feeling?" Ricky asked and I sighed.

"The same. Tired. Cold. Hungry as fuck." I said and he nodded and he got up and headed into the kitchen.

He soon came back with some candy and I smiled as he handed me a Hershey bar and I began snacking on it little by little.

"So how's your relationship with Chris?" He asked leaning his elbow on the back of the couch.

"Wow. Mom figuring much?" I asked with a giggle and he sighed with a smile and shook his head.

"I just wanna make sure you're happy with Chris." He said and I smiled and nodded.

"And I am. You know if anything happens you're the first to know." I said and he nodded and brought me into a hug before we heard a knock at the door.

I got up to answer it before I heard a "fuck knocking" from the other side. That's when Chris opened the door and when he saw me he smiled and Jaime and Ryan Ashley trailed behind him.

I was quickly brought into a group hug. "Hello to you too, guys." I said and we all laughed a little.

"Hey, that wig looks so great on you." Jaime complimented and I smiled and thanked her.

"We we're going to go see a movie and get our nails done and we thought, being Loire home from tour, you'd like to tag along with us." Ryan Ashley said and I smiled and nodded

"Of course. I would love to." I said and smiled as I pulled my hoodie on.

"I'll just go hang out with Ricky." Chris said before pecking my lips and heading inside to hang out with Ricky.

"You and Chris are so cute." Jaime said as we got into the car and began driving to the nails place to get our nails fixed up.

I already had an idea. Pointy, blood red nails with a black drip effect.

We listened to the Crybaby album on the way there.

"Here we are." Ryan said happily as we pulled into the parking lot.

"Ready?" Jaime asked and I nodded as we got out of the car and we headed inside.

There was really nobody there today so we all got to sit next to each other as we got our nails done and we were talking about our relationships with the guys, and basic girl gossip like that.

"I can't wait until it starts snowing." I said happily and the two girls nodded.

"I love the snow. I used to play around all the time with my cousin."  Ryan Ashley chimed and I nodded with a smile and a simple and quick silence felt between us before I had an idea.

"I had another idea for a tattoo." I said and Ryan smiled and peeked up

"Really? What did you have in mind?" She asked and I felt a smile creep onto my face. I was so happy she was willing to do a tattoo for me.

"I have some lyric-related tattoos drawn out." I said and she nodded with a smile.

"Well, I can always make time for you, so just call and on a day off I'll do your tattoo for you." She said and I nodded with a smile.

Later that night..

I had been throwing up blood again. I felt bad that I had to put Ricky through the stress of worrying about me. But, I couldn't help my stomach cancer.

"You alright?" I heard him knock on the bathroom door. He asked the same question every time.

"Yeah, I can handle this." I said back as I had made sure I would be done puking that time.

I cleaned up the bathroom where any blood had slashed and took a mint into my mouth.

I opened the door and was soon enclosed into Ricky's arm in a hug.

"I hate having to see you suffer through this." He said and I sighed.

"I know, but I'll be fine. I can handle this. And hey, even if one day I'm not here.. I want you to know I had a good life. And I wouldn't want to change anything." I said and he smiled and I re-entered the hug and he kissed my head and we stood there hugging for awhile.

I knew my life would probably be shorter now. I would probably one day not be strong enough and I'll be fine. Or one day the blood vomiting will be too much and I'll die then. Anything could happen.
So I'll make the best of the time I have with the guys. With Ryan Ashley. With Jaime. With Ricky, and with Chris.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked and I nodded

"I'm gonna get another tattoo. Wanna tag along?" I asked and he nodded.

"Course." He said and I smiled as I texted Ryan to meet us at the shop.

I grabbed my notebook on the way out and Ricky drove us out in the direction of Josh and Ryan Ashley's shop.

"What're you gonna get?" He asked curiously and I let out a sigh and a smile.

"Something to remind me I'm gonna be just fine."