Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 4 - "Heartbreaks are good?"

We had spent about two hours at the beach, until the sun started to go down and then we all decided to take a walk down the beach and enjoy the view. I was walking with Chaz as Justin and Ryan were joking around far away from us I chuckled and smiled at Justin, he looks so happy. I sighed.

"You still in love with Bieber?" Chaz said looking at me as I carried on looking straight forward then sighing not breaking my stare from Justin as I feel him jump around like he has no care in the world. I shrugged.

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded "I think I always will be." I sighed. 

"Why? Just give up on him Amelia, honestly, you are an amazing girl you deserve everything in life but maybe one day Justin could, but now? He loves playing around with girls. The thing is with you is that he would never do that, I know he cares about you but he won't admit it, he is too stubborn to admit it. Why won't you just tell him, you are fifteen almost sixteen, got your whole life to fall in love and find different people. Why waste it on someone who acts like they don't give a shit." Chaz said ranting frustrated. I looked down playing with my fingers. 

"I'm scared" I said looking up at him "It is easier said than done. It isn't that easy, I am scared to look him in the eye longer than three seconds incase he finds my flaws and it will put him off me and he will think I am ugly. I am scared incase I do something stupid or I laugh at something stupid and he looks at me and thinks 'what the fuck' and he won't want anything to do with me. It isn't just the stupid things.

I am so scared incase one day, I say to him 'I love you' and he doesn't say it back and I look like an idiot. Or I am more scared of me telling him how I feel and him not being able to talk to me and I have ruined my friendship with him." I sighed and Chaz stopped me and sat down on the beach looking at the sun goes down.

"When we all became friends, but began to drift apart. I was actually in love with your friend Chloe" I frowned. "I don't love her anymore, but when I think about it know I think, life is all about risks and learning how to live. I would tell her if I could. I would've told her while i had the chance to. If it went wrong, weren't meant to be and I will live on and think 'that didn't work out, I'll find someone else' or if it went well then I would've been happy" Chaz said "You have to take risks sometimes Amelia" Chaz looked me in the eye as I rested my head on my knee's "When I was younger, I remember my dad telling my brother 

'if you want to see a girl become beautiful, break her heart' and my brother got a girlfriend and broke her heart, heavily. Back then, I thought it was cruel and bitter. But now I know it is true. I have noticed when girls get there heartbroken, they get there haircut, focus on makeup and dress different to find another way of happiness, and for her to be noticed." I looked at him.

"So heart breaks are good?" I said confused, I don't see how it is good when my heart physical hurts.

"Not good by the feeling, I mean the aftermath, the feelings of freedom and loving yourself. One day you will know" He patted my head.

"What you two talking about" Ryan asked with Justin standing next to him, he looked angry or jealous, which we all know is an act to lead me on and I sighed. 

"Erm, nothing important" Chaz shrugged. 

But wish they knew how important the conversation actually was to me. I am not the type to confess my feelings and open up to them, I most likely bottle then up, but I am a deep person I love poems and books, but when it comes to expressing myself to other people, I don't do too well. The fear of being judged is hard for me. What if people think I am stupid for loving someone who doesn't love me back? Or maybe even beginning to fall in love with someone who has no interest. It hurts makes me feel like a freak, or obsessive. 

I sighed and looked int the sunset taking in the sight, sometimes I feel like giving up and wishing I was with my sister, but I couldn't put my mom or dad through nothing like that again, it wouldn't be fair on them, they hated to see me what I was like, I will never be like that again I refuse to make myself weak. The pain was so much for them and myself. I need to stay strong, for the people who care about me. 

"Should we go back the hotel?" Justin asked nudging me causing me to be knocked out of my trance and thought as I slightly nodded and held his hand to pull myself up, feeling tingles shoot through my body just as me touched. I wonder if he feels them as well? 

I smiled at him as he smiled back making my stomach flutter. I really love him. I don't want to love him, but I can't physically or mentally stop myself. It took us about ten minutes to get to the hotel. 

"Good night guys, see you in the morning" I smiled lightly and walked in the room.

"Hey" Justin smiled and I waved at him. I went to walk in the shower and he pulled my arm I frowned confused looking up to him. "What's up?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing," I smiled "Why?"

"Don't bullshit me Amelia, I know when your sad I know everything about you, what's wrong?" Maybe not everything, I said inside of my head. "Tell me what is wrong, don't hide this" Justin begged and I sighed.

"It's nothing, honestly I will get a shower and get this sand off me and I will tell you, okay?" I suggested and he sighed and nodded. 

"Fine but we are one hundred percent talking about it later, I won't forget and you know that" He cheekily grinned causing me to roll my eyes.

"I know" I said smiling and walking in the bathroom. About fifteen minutes later I seen Justin in his pyjama's on the balcony it was about two in the morning. I walked out towards him and sat on a chair. "Hey" I whispered "You okay?" I asked and he looked at the star.

"Yeah, you?" He asked and I nodded "So, tell me whats wrong" I sighed and nodded.

"Basically, there's this boy" I said and Justin raised his eyebrow clearly interested. "I like him, and he doesn't know and I am scared incase I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way" I sighed "I have been broken for so long Justin, I don't want to just fall again, I don't want to be hurt and fragile all the time" I said frustrated "Just want someone who makes me feel special and won't leave me" I looked at the stars. 

"Why are you always scared?" Justin said confused obviously finding the situation amusing making me feel embarrassed.

"I don't know" I shrugged "I guess, I am always prepared. I prepare myself for people to walk away, for people to leave. I am prepared for a heartbreak. Prepared to know what'll feel like to feel unwanted, I am prepared to see the person I love with someone else, I am prepared with a fake smile every day people asking me how I am, prepared to pick my heart up when no one is there for me. 

I say and imagine myself to be prepared but I don't think I would be able to cope if I get hurt again, I hate loosing people I love" I sighed and Justin looked into the sky sighed. "Do you miss her?" I asked sadly watching the sky turn pink and the clouds come over as a few stars came to my vision. 

"A lot" He sighed, resting his head on his hand. "My best friends sister, Ashley was like a sister to me as well you get me?" He huffed a big breath. "I will never not miss her, she was special to all of us" I nodded. "She would be proud of us though" Justin smiled and I frowned and chuckled disagreeing with his statement.

"Proud of he baby sister, who gets drunk every weekend and has little highs of drugs to make her forget?" I fake laughed "She won't be proud at all." I said disappointed in myself.

"She will be, we are growing up Amelia, it is what people do, finding out what make them forget, it isn't being a rebel. Or naughty, it's experimenting. Everyone goes through it at one point in life" Justin said making me smile in happiness.

"Thank you Justin I don't know what I would do with out you"

"Don't thank me, lets go to bed." He said and that night we ignored the second bed and cuddled all night, this was his way of telling me he won't leave me. I love him.