Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 5 - "Is he your boyfriend?"

I woke up with two annoying children who are meant to be teenagers, and should try act there age for once in there life, banging on the door thinking they are hysterical and asking for me to punch them both in the throat, don't wake me up bitch. I am not a morning person in the slightest.

I groaned at the thought of having to get up but the knocking wouldn't stop. So I walked over to the door and opened it to there two cheesy grins and there swimming shorts, they both look like a child at christmas they both looked so happy which made me slightly giggle, but then I remembered they woke me up and also it is morning, two things that shouldn't be mixed when it comes to me.

"What?" I groaned in a moaning tone.

"Come on! We are going the beach!" Chaz jumped up and down a lot and then ran in the room making me dizzy, he then and walked into the bedroom to see Justin asleep, so Chaz being Chaz. Jumps on him purposely trying to annoy Justin and make him feel like shit, which was how I feel. 

"Chaz!" I gasped "He will be tired and you woke him up" I said being a protective best friend, I smacked the back of his head gently to make him smirk to show that I was sticking up for Justin but he stayed quiet "You idiot" I giggled as Chaz's mouth opened jokingly as if he was offended by what I called him. 

"How dare you" He said dramatically putting his hand on his chest, but I rolled my eyes and giggled at his stupidness and then went into the bathroom and put my bikini on and braided my hair walking out with no makeup on. I don't give no fucks today, I have a bad feeling about today, and my feelings are always right. 

"You ready?" Ryan said annoyed and I seen Justin Ryan and Chaz stood still and looking impatient I nodded and followed them out the door as I heard them moan about how long I take  to get ready, but a girl got to do what a girl got to do, do not judge.

"Beach again today?" I asked and Ryan nodded making a fist pump in the air in excitement. "This will be fun" I said with an exciting tone in my voice and clapping my hands like a child. "I love the beach." I smiled lightly looking at Justin then my attention returned to Ryan as he began to speak.

"I know," He gasped playfully "you and your sister used to-" Ryan finished his sentence as he grabbed his face angry with himself and mumbled cuss words towards himself making me know he didn't mean it, I wouldn't have cared anyway I love talking about my sister. "Shit, I am sorry forgot" Justin rolled his eyes and I smiled and put my arm around his shoulders.

"Don't worry about it, she would want us to talk about her" I smiled and walked out the lift. I heard Justin slap Ryan and I giggled. 

If Ashley wouldn't have died, she would've been here with us enjoying this, which is a pretty scary thought the way one tiny second can take someones life away for years, and she would've been helping me with my boy situation. We arrived at the beach and i set out my sun bathing situation. Justin and Ryan headed off for a walk and I was stuck with Chaz again. I sighed. 

"Chaz" I said and he looked at me. "Go" I said and he frowned. 

"What?" He said and I moved my head in there position.

"Go, I am fine here, I promise" I said and he smiled. 

"Are you sure?" He asked hopefully because I knew he wanted to go and do what Justin and Ryan was doing.

"Chaz I am positive go have fun with your friends I want to tan and not bore you on your holiday, so go." I giggled and he hugged me and ran off to meet Justin and Ryan 

My thoughts transferred to my sister again, I have been missing her a lot, maybe because I am close with Ryan and Chaz again, brings back so many unwanted memories. I remember the way I was, very bad. Sometimes you go through something and you don't know if things will be okay again, since my sister died they haven't been okay again. But days go by and you don't feel like crying and you wonder what it means that you're fine. 

You think maybe you're ignoring your emotion and that they'll come back out of no where. Until you're driving home from somewhere or walking or on your own, singing along to a song or thinking about your day and you do realise you are happy. Maybe things don't break because you're stronger than that. Maybe I can survive anything because I want to. I sighed at my thoughts and carried on sunbathing.

After about three hours, Justin Ryan and Chaz came back. Justin an Chaz were drunk. With two girls. My stomach dropped as Ryan came over and Justin began to kiss the girl in front of me, a pain in my chest was formed and my eyes welled up with tears as breathing felt hard to do right now. Why am I breaking now? Why does nothing go right in my life? I can't stay here not tonight, not in the same room as Justin. 

"These are going back the room okay?" I nodded. "Will you show Justin and his girl your room?" Ryan winked for Justin not knowing that on the inside it is slowly killing me. I flinched at his words 'his girl' made me feel physically sick. I know Justin is not a virgin, but I never thought he was like this, I thought he just kissed and then told, maybe it is only once or twice I mean he is sixteen. I gulped and nodded.

"Sure" I whispered standing up and walking my room as Justin and that girl was flirting the whole way down the corridor. I can't stay here tonight. Tears began to roll down my face. "Here is the room" I said opening it and putting the keys on the table. "I will be back in the morning, don't tell him please" I mumbled and she nodded I think she was on to it.

"Is he your boyfriend?" She asked concerned and I shook my head trying to hold the tears in front of her, the girl who he wants. 

He doesn't want me I will never be good enough for him. I am some girl he talks to when he is bored, he doesn't want me in that way. The girl was gorgeous, she was blonde with bright white teeth she was so thin, and had amazing eyes, she could be a model. Which made my insecurities fly high.

"No" I sighed "I will be back tomorrow, nice meeting you" I said grabbing my pyjamas and running out the room and shouting for a taxi. I haven't felt this way before, it is another kind of hurt, I can feel the pain in my heart. I love him too much now it isn't healthy for me. I can't keep feeling this way. I began to sob. "Can I have one room just one night please?" I cried and the receptionist looked at me with pity and nodded I handed her the money and a woman in her mid forties showed where the room was. 

I was searching my pockets, shit my phone. I sighed and decided not to care, I am sure the boys won't. I grabbed my necklace my sister gave me three years ago for my birthday it was a picture of me and her in a golden locket. I began to cry harder than I ever have before, she would always give me advice on everything.

"Please come back to me Ashley, you can't leave me forever." I cried hugging my chest praying for the pain to leave my heart. "You have left me, I cant live on my own like this no more, please come back. How can I stay friends with someone I am in love with Ash? Come back please be here for me tell me what I should do. I don't know what to do anymore I can't live like this it isn't fair on me. I need to move on from him he makes me so miserable and happy at the same time. Why do I feel like this please help me" I cried so hard to the point where I could hardly breathe. It physically hurts me. My heart is hurting me. "Please" I cried myself to sleep.