Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 18 - "You are one big lie"

I felt my head spin and a cold wetness on my leg and stomach causing me to gasp and Ryan and Chaz woke up but tried to go back asleep. Why are they here they haven't spoken to me in ages? I licked my lips and sat up causing them to both shot up as well. There eyes went wide as I seen them, and when they realised I was awake an awkward silence came around us as no one knew what to say. I knew they wanted to bring it up. But they didn't know how.

"I am sorry" I heard Chaz mumble and he looked up into my eyes. "I am so fucking sorry Amelia, I won't be able to say it enough for me to show you how sorry I am. You are a sister to me I got so caught up in shit things I forgot how much you needed people. How much I needed you and how much you meant to people Amelia. I am so fucking sorry" He cried making my heart pull a little bit as I slightly nodded but didn't speak."We fucked up bad I want to take it back I am so sorry" 

"I am also sorry, I can't or don't even know what to say to you Amelia I am such a fuck up" Ryan sighed. Causing me to play with my nails. "I love you Amelia, you are family to me, don't hurt us like that" He begged "You mean a lot to so many people."

"I didn't want that to happen but she keeps telling me to do things" I mumbled talking about the voices in my head but I didn't want them to think I am crazy but I needed to tell them.

"Who?" Ryan asked frowning.

"The girl" I said as if it was obvious and Ryan and Chaz looked confused.

"What girl Amelia, where is she. Want me to say something? Is it Selena?" Chaz said and I shook my head.

"No and you can't say something" I whispered. "She is inside my head" Ryan gasped and Chaz began to cry.

"We fucked up" Chaz sobbed. "When does she come? When does she come and talk to you Amelia?" He asked.

"When I am alone, she says I am easier to take advantage of" I said in embarrassment.

"What does she say to you?" Ryan said holding my hand.

"She tells me to do things, bad things. She reminds me of things. She tells me things about my life." I said.

"Like what?" Chaz asked worried about me.

"She tells me to hurt myself" I mumbled and Ryan grip tightened. "She reminds me that it is my fault everyone left" I whispered. "She tells me I am unloved. Justin would never love me back. She tells me what Selena thinks and what everyone around me thinks about me." I sighed

"You need to go the Doctor Amelia" Causing me to gasp.

"No please, don't make me go, they will think I am crazy" I cried and Chaz nodded. 

"Okay, but just do something, eat something or anything please Amelia." Ryan asked and I stood up and drank water and seen Justin sitting on the couch watching TV he turned and seen me and stood up.

"Hey" He said. I nodded and raised eyebrows at him. "How are you?" I smiled lightly at him. He sighed and put his hand in his hands. "I am sorry Amelia." He sighed putting his hands in his pockets.

"No you are not" I said and he frowned. "You are sorry it got me to what I done, you are sorry that you feel guilty about everything. But you are not sorry about leaving me, leaving our friendship, breaking my heart, breaking promises and breaking me" I mumbled. "You left me when a better offer was placed on the table."

"Amelia" He went to say something but shut up. "Okay, I want to be your friend, I miss you" He said "But she doesn't want me talking to you, that isn't my fault" He mumbled.

"Why don't you grow a fucking back bone and say fucking no, instead of letting people talk to you like shit Justin" I spat.

"Because I-" He stuttered and I sighed taking another sip. "You wouldn't get it" He sat back causing me to scoff and roll my eyes.

"Course I wouldn't" I laughed and he frowned at me.

"I fucking love her okay?" He yelled and I nodded.

"Well done, I am happy for you." I shrugged and he looked down. 

"I just want everyone to be okay. I wish life was easy" He mumbled and I agreed.

"Just go back to what you do Justin and I will go back to what I do it is for the best." I said standing up.

"What's that Amelia, the way you go on you won't be alive for long. Don't you see what you are doing to yourself Amelia?" He asked me. "It isn't healthy."

"You think I want to be like this! Do you think I asked for this? It is her fault-" 

"Don't fucking blame Selena!" He yelled I laughed at him and rolled my eyes.

"I wasn't taking about your shitty obsessive girlfriend you asshole. I am talking about the voices in my head. For once in your fucking life get your head out of your fucking ass!" I yelled and he opened his mouth but shut it. "They told me to try hold on and be there for you because fame gets hard sometimes. But I never thought it would fuck me up more than it has you" He looked down.

"Amelia I-"

"Let me speak" I snapped and he closed his mouth. "My whole life has been surrounded by you Justin. I am sick of it." I sighed. "You are not my Justin anymore, you never was mine. but I am not talking about Justin Bieber boy who sells out MSG and has so much money. 

I am talking about Justin, my best friend, who promised things and kept them. Justin who didn't care what people thought and wouldn't ever leave me." I cried. "You are not Justin anymore, I don't know you I feel like you are one big lie" 

"I don't mean it Amelia" He sighed and I shook my head.

"You never do Justin, just leave me alone and I will leave you alone. Just for a another three weeks please" I sighed. My birthday is three weeks today and I am so excited I booked a ticket to live in New York. A one way ticket. I have a place up there. 

"Okay" Justin mumbled and I smiled weakly at him and walked away from him. I need to be on my own for a bit I can't wait for the time.