Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 10 - "I am going to make you happy"

Today is the final goodbye of my mom and dad. Today is the day I let go and tomorrow will be a new day and I can be happy again and start a fresh life with Pattie and Justin. I can move on from this whole mess. I looked in the mirror and patterned down my little black skater dress and ran my fingers through my curls. I had to look presentable for everyone because I am the only one left in the family, obviously my moms friends and family and also my dads will be there but they're my family.

"You ready?" Justin said with his eyes glossy full of pity. My dad was like a second dad to Justin, because he was never close with his own. They were very close, so he must be hurting as well.

"Yeah" I said in a sigh and walked to the car with Pattie and Justin as we began to drive to the church. I wonder if they will be proud of me? I looked out the window to see the graveyard, my heart broken to know I had one family member in there now I would have three and no one else. I swallowed the lump in my throat that started to form and blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall. I think they should be proud, I have been good and I love them. "Here goes nothing" I said nervously as I jumped out the car walking in the church. 

Walking in and feeling everyone's eyes on me making my anxiety bad, but I am staying strong for my speech. The service began and the priest began to explain how good life is and how Jesus died for us. But why? If God loves us all why must he put those in pain? I haven't done bad in my life, I get hurt. I sighed and walked to the coffins and put a flower on each coffin and stood at the alter and cleared my throat looking at all the eyes on me I swallowed and felt my palms become wet. I shook off the nerves.

"Family is important, I have always been about family. My mom always told me about rainy days. When I was upset about my sister dying, she would sit at the end of my bad and tell me how there is a rainbow at the end of every storm. I used to think it was stupid because my sister died and it was painful, but now I understand, when Abigail died I was broken but a few months I realised how amazing life was and you should never take it for granted. That was my rainbow the hit of reality. 

Whereas my dad, would tell me everything happens for a reason. Which is my all time best saying, I believe everything happens for a reason, I believe my mom and dad have died to protect me and all of us from any harm, there was no one stronger than them, there marriage was so beautiful and there life was amazing no matter how hurting they was they wouldn't ever show it. I know that now I am strong for them." I looked at the picture of my mom and dad on there wedding and my eyes filled up. 

"I understand days like this will be hard. They are my family, I will never not miss them. I will miss them shouting at me, telling me off and and giving me a roof over my head, a life that was amazing. I love them they are my family, they were amazing loved people. Who had an amazing life. I wish I could say my final goodbye an tell them that I love them, so mom and dad if you can hear me, I love you rest in peace. Keep us all safe" I sniffed and wiped my tears. 

"Now although today is a sad day for everyone because we lost two amazing people, but I am here to say I know I have all your help to get over this, but I understand this will be hard. When Abigail died my mom and dad walked in the room held me close to them and they told me 'I understand there are going to be times where you don't know what to do anymore. You'll lay in bed and stare the ceiling for what seems like days trying to figure your life out. You'll shut your eyes and rack your brain until you fall asleep. But don't ever decide there is no answer to a problem. There is always an answer, no matter what the situation is.' These words touched me because of what I was going through and I want you guys to know I love them, I will miss them. But I don't want to grief I want to be happy and let go, there life was precious and we should be happy about there life and not the loss."

The audience clapped and a lot of smiles at me. Once everyone was leaving I walked to the two graves.

'In loving memory of Patrick and Karen Evens, 1971-2010' I smiled and put a bunch of flowers on the grave. 

"Hi, mom and dad. I don't want you to think, it isn't hurting me because it is, a lot. I am staying strong." I giggled in pain. "I am not going to be upset, I will miss you guys and I will not forget but I know you wouldn't want me to be upset." I sighed "I love you guys, I will miss you and try and visit as much as I can, rest in peace mom and dad" I said blowing a kiss and walking into Justins arms and began to cry.

"Shhh, it's okay" He rubbed my back. "They love you and always will" He said kissed my forehead "I am going to make you happy Amelia, no more hurting." He said and he knows he is the reason for my happiness and why I am still here. He makes me happy. 

We went back to Pattie and Justin's house later on after the funeral. I couldn't sleep it was three o'clock and all I was staring at was the boxes round the room, tomorrow we would move to Atlanta, my whole life would change. I heard the door slowly open as my head turned to see a sad Justin. I always knew when we was sad, we would get in bed and cuddle. I moved over and he crawled in bed.

"You okay?" He asked and I nodded slightly, letting the comfortable silence surround us, but I knew he wanted to say something. 

"Say it" I whispered and I felt him are a deep breath. "Anything you want, it is okay" I said cuddling more into him.

"What's it like?" He asked, "I have only lose people you know, I have never lost no one the way you have. I am scared of the thought. Tell me" He said and I sighed.

"It's like a hole in your heart that you know will never be replaced. I know people say about boys he owns a part of me, but boys are replaceable you have so many chances to love. For family? You only have one mom and dad, two people who made you. It's a pain that will never go away." I said and he rubbed my back "I love to talk about them, people don't bring losses up but I love talking about the people who made me, me." I giggled. "But I guess I am not hurting as much because I now know how to handle the pain" I sighed.

"I love you Amelia" He whispered making my heart flutter. But the sad thing is that he doesnt mean love the same way. I know he doesn't love me the same way. "I hope you know that. I am so sorry about everything, I never meant no-"

"Justin" I put my finger on his mouth. "You can't help who you fall in love with, if you could life would be easy. It was no ones fault for how I fell for you. Stop apologising for something that weren't you fault and something you can't change." I said lying down again. "I know you don't feel the same, that isn't your fault" I sighed.

"I am just not ready Amelia" He sighed.

"Your career is important now go asleep, we fly Atlanta tomorrow and you start recording, don't worry about me" I said listening to his heart beat. "I promise, I will be okay" He kissed my head and we soon fell asleep, to the beautiful sound of his heart beat.