Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 17 - "The girl is fucking crazy"

'Popstar Justin Bieber seen with Selena Gomez yesterday in Italy.' 

I turned the television off and sighed. It has been months I turn eighteen next month. I haven't spoken to Justin properly since the argument we had which was three fucking months ago. I don't eat unless I have to, I hardly sleep. I wouldn't be so bad but I have to see him, with her. I am not good enough. I am weak.

He wants her. He needs her, and I will never fucking be her. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. Selena was Justin's best friend now, not me. I had no friends because of Justin. Ryan and Chaz were supportive at first but then Justin took them away from me. Now I am sat here alone, Pattie went on a tour for her book. Justin has all the friends he needs. While I am stuck here with fucking nobody. I want to move away when I turn eighteen if this shit is still the same I can't be assed.

Ryan and Chaz were currently on tour with us now they had been for the past month. But right now Justin, Chaz, Ryan and Selena are all out. I don't get asked if I am okay or asked if I want to join then. No one cares how I am. No one fucking wants me. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the razor and sliding it on my stomach. I deserve this pain. They all hate me. Everyone fucking leaves me. 

I created five fresh cuts on my body and put the razor away and looked into the mirror. Hating the sight. I had lost too much weight it wasn't healthy for my body, I was so weak. My skin was white, very pale. My eyes had grew bags under then and had changed into a dark colour. This weren't me. I felt so ugly and worthless.

"Look what you done to me" I whispered to myself. "You ruined me" I said with a cold tone in my voice. "I hate you" I spat "I fucking hate you. I hate that I am in love with you. Look what you have done to me!" I began screaming having a panic attack I heard people knocking on the door. "I deserve this. It is my fault. Everyone leaves me, because I am worthless, who no one could love" I said and punched the mirror as glass flew everywhere.

"Amelia!" I heard a voice shout but I ignored it.

'They don't care Amelia' A voice in my head said. 'They never cared, you are a charity case to them' I nodded agreeing.

"Fucking charity case" I spat agreeing with the voice that has been in my head the past few weeks.

'It is your fault Amelia, they all left on purpose' I walked back into the wall and the banging on the door was making it worse.

"Please stop, leave me alone" I mumbled crying. No one had seen this part of me, apart from myself. It happens when I am alone. I looked to my left and seen a large pointy piece of glass.

'Do it.' The voice said so I done what I am told. 'Write unloved on your leg' The voice said so I wrote unloved on my thigh. The blood wouldn't stop coming out of my leg and I was becoming light headed but I wasn't scared, I heard a loud bang. 

"Amelia!" A voice shouted and I seen Ryan to my right as he picked me up in his arms as Chaz was in shock. "Oh my God" Ryan cried. I felt the glass drop from my hand but I felt numb.

"Oh no. Shit" Someone began to cry but my eyes were shutting as I found it hard to stay. "Get a fucking towel!" The person screamed as I felt myself being placed on a bed everything was blurry. The only thing clear was a boy, who made my stomach do backflips and my heart flutter holding hands with a girl who had made my life hell.

'He is happy with out you in his life' With that my eyes shut. 

Ryan's Point of View:

My hands where shaking as I seen my best friend of many years laying lifeless on the bed. Chaz has a towel on her stomach but blood was coming from her leg. I gulped and pulled her pants down as Chaz smacked my head.

"Really Ryan?" He spat and I shook my head and frowning at him for thinking I was so sick in the head.

"No" I stuttered and pointed to the blood. He sighed and I continued to pull them down. "Unloved" I mumbled the word she had written on her leg. 

"This is fucked up, it's our fault" Chaz cried into his hands has he leaned on the bed.

"Oh well, Justin we should go for something to eat" Selena said and I turned my head in her direction has Justin's colour had disappeared. 

"Are you fucking serious?" I spat causing her face to drop. "My best friend, is fucking lying there as she just fucking hurt herself. Which was also Justin's old best friend." I screamed at her. "You want to take Justin away from her in a fucking situation like this!" Selena frowned then smirked.

"I am sure she will be fine. It's all of your fault anyway" She said. "Ever since I got with Justin, you guys ignore her. Act like she doesn't exist. I mean you just walk past her of a morning, day, night and not say one word to her." She giggled as tears welled in my eyes. 

"You are fucking sick." Chaz spat at her while shaking his head in disgust. 

"Justin?" Selena said asking him for back up because we was all fuming at her. 

"Go wait outside a minute please Sel" Her face dropped but she rolled her eyes and walked outside.

"Are you staying?" I asked him and he shook his head and my mouth slightly opened in shock.

"No" He mumbled.

"No?" Chaz asked "What the fuck do you mean."

"I mean no" Justin spat.

"Sorry to hurt your feelings Justin, but that girl. Is your fucking best friend and she just tried to kill herself because of us." I said and he sighed. 

"Selena doesn't like me talking to her." He mumbled. "She isn't good for me Ryan okay? I don't need people like that in my life!"

"You think I give a fuck?" I screamed. "Fuck Selena Justin, she is a bitch!" I shouted. "She has changed you" I said in a lower tone. "She needs us Justin, she needs you stoping being a twat for once and help her!"

"You didn't think so the past few weeks when you have been here you ignored her just as much as I did" He yelled back. "She doesn't need my help!"

"Fuck off you little bitch" I spat. "You think you are someone now yeah? Well let me tell you this straight. No matter how much money you have or who you are you will never find someone like her. That girl, has been your best friend since you was a baby. She knows you better than any of us know you. So if she doesn't know who you are I sure as hell don't" I chuckled. "Her eighteenth is soon Justin. This is how it'll be spent. On her own?" I yelled again "Don't you realise she has fucking no one!"

"Don't you realise I can't be assed! The girl is fucking crazy she attacked my girlfriend for just going out with me, she is a weirdo she fucking tried killing herself twice because of me. She isn't good for me! Selena said it as well I don't need people like her" He shrugged. "I love Selena okay? She is the number one girl for me" Justin grabbed a coat and walked out.

"You fucking asshole!" I screamed and then heard the door slam.

I walked over to see her peacefully sleeping Chaz was holding her hand and I sat next to him and he began to cry.

"She is such a beautiful person Ryan, look at her" He cried. "He broke her, we done this. We ignored her, she had no one to talk to." He sniffed. "She is like a sister to me" He cried and I rubbed his back and tears filled my eyes.

"I know Chaz. Me too" I sighed and sat on the end of her bed.

Please get better Amelia.