Always you - Justin Bieber

Part 28 - Insecurities

I woke up in bed with Justin's armed wrapped around me. I smiled lightly and looked at his perfect face. When I left Justin I was broken, for days maybe even weeks. But I met Kate who was really good to me. For the weeks I was down and depressed about finally leaving the one who was hurting me the most. She asked me why I loved him.

Flashback

"Amelia?" Kate asked me as I wiped my tears with the tissue, then looked up at her. "Why do you love him?" She asked me. I licked my lips and cleared my throat. What if she thinks I am weird? How can you explain the things I love about him which are the reasons why I get hurt? "I know you know the answer, I also know you don't love yourself the way you should. So tell me this, how can expect him to you love you Amelia, when you don't even love yourself?" I frowned my eyebrows and laughed at her. Of course she was right, you should love yourself but I ceased my throat and got comfortable.

"Who ever said in order for someone to fall in love with you, you have to love yourself had it completely wrong. It is a hard thing to do. Especially when I am alone and I look in the mirror and my flaws are screaming at me and my thoughts are eating me alive. However, I know somewhere out there to someone my flaws will be like flowers. Those thoughts I have they will have listened to every single one of them." I took a deep breath.

"But what about Justin?" She asked me.

"I won't wait for him forever" I sighed. 

"How did you, loose him?" I shook my head and played with my nails.

"I didn't" I replied with a bittersweet smile. "I didn't loose him, because he was never mine. I thought he almost was, but somehow he wasn't." I took a deep breath.

"Then why are you sad?" She asked obviously confused. 

"Because he could've loved me, I did love him as best as you could love anyone who isn't yours. But someone who was a 'could've' not a 'did'." I sighed "It hurts" "I just wish he was mine, I would have got some clarity out of it. But he wasn't all I can think about is could've" I said and began crying again and she hugged me as I let my tears overcome me.

I was shaken out of it when I felt Justin groan making me chuckle slightly. He opened one eye and grinned lightly at me.

"What time is it?" He asked I checked the time on my phone. Then took a deep breath.

"Ten" I mumbled and cuddled into him.  

"Amelia, when we weren't close, did you find someone?" He asked and I sighed and turned on my back and looked at the ceiling. 

"Yes" I sighed and closed my eyes and I heard Justin sigh as well. I licked my lips.

"Who?" He asked me. "What happened?" I chuckled lightly. 

"It was a week or two after I left. I didn't know anyone. I was also, lonely, heartbroken and desperate for a bit of attention of anyone." I said an Justin chuckled. "So, I went the bar and got majorly drunk. Some boy came over to me, Jake, I began to tell him my story why I was in New York, why I needed to talk to him" I took a deep breath. "He told me he could fix my insecurities and I told him I couldn't trust him. He told me I shouldn't worry because he hasn't been there since day one" I shook my head. "The words every, unexperienced, heartbroken, young, teenage girl wants to hear. So I let him"

"Let him what?" Justin said sitting up.

"I had sex with him" I sighed shutting my eyes.

"He took advantage of you?" He said more angrily.

"He asked me I said yes." I shrugged. 

"That was your virginity Amelia! He knew you was drunk and heartbroken and needed someone so he used that to get into you" Justin said furious I just chuckled. "Don't you care?" He asked and I shook my head. 

"I did, I cried for a few days. Then I got over it. Why cry and moan about something that I can't take back?" I asked and Justin fell back onto the bed. "He made me want to find someone else. I never did but I thought about it" I shrugged. 

"Would you say you was insecure?" He asked and I shrugged. 

"I would be lying if I said I was happy with myself I guess" I shrugged. Justin stood up and grabbed the notebook and his guitar. 

"'I want to fix all of your insecurities, oh oh oh oh, I want to fix up all of your insecurities, you know that I want to, give you everything that you need. I want to fix up all of your insecurities, I ant to fix up off of your insecurities.'" Justin sung flawlessly making me smile and he wrote what he sung down.

"That was amazing" I said still blushing. He began to play his guitar again. I cleared my throat. "'What are you worrying for? I ain't been here since day one trying to open the door, because you know our friendship has only begun'" I sung and thens stopped.

"'I am aware of your secrets, you ain't got to tell me I can keep it, I can see that your swimming. Cause your always in the deep end. Know that I got something to offer to you, the worlds in your hands all I want is'"

"To fix all of your insecurities, oh oh oh oh, I want to fix up all of your insecurities, you know that I want to, give you everything that you need. I want to fix up all of your insecurities, I ant to fix up off of your insecurities'" I finished and Justin kissed me.

"Although the lyrics you made came from that asshole, I mean what I say. I know I broke you. I also know it may take time for you to be fixed. But I am here for the long run. I am going to fix your insecurities Amelia." He said and I kissed his lips.

"I know" I mumbled.

"I am here to make you happy, I am here to make you smile" He sung making me giggle and push his chest.

The bus suddenly came to a stop and I smiled at him. 

"Lets go somewhere" He said and I nodded.

"Where?" I asked. 

"An adventure" He and I smiled and got changed. I never cared about what I looked like in front of Justin. He did the same. "Ready?" He laughed and I shrugged and nodded he grabbed my hand and we walked. 

We walked for hours, it was now five o'clock. Justin had texted Scooter and Justin didn't have a show today. We was now in Orlando, Florida. It was so beautiful. We was walking in woods just talking and laughing. Justin was being silly. But times like this I enjoyed.

"Woah" I heard Justin mumble.

"What?" I asked laughing but my face dropped as I seen the beautiful meadow. There were flowers everywhere.  'I know somewhere out there to someone my flaws will be like flowers' my own words replayed in my head. I walked into the flowered and sat down in a spot where there was a small space of place grass. 

"I think we found our best place" Justin sat next to me and lied down on the grass I giggled and lied next to him. 

"I agree." I sighed.

"Amelia? Ever wondered what it would be like if, maybe this would have happened sooner?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"I think everything happens for a reason, we are stronger than we have ever been. Maybe God wanted us to see how much we actually needed each other" I sighed.

"I know, I just wish I di-" I cut him off.

"I am happy you did. I am stronger now Justin. More independent and confident as a woman. A wise man called Chaz once told me a story. On how the heartbreak aftermath was beautiful." I giggled. "I will have to thank Chaz for his words because I am now a new person" I said and Justin nodded.

"I know, I realised how much I loved and needed you so maybe it was meant to be." Justin shrugged. "I love you a lot you know? You are my first love" He said.

"You are mine to Justin" I said. "It will always be you."

"Even if I mess up?" He asked and I kissed his cheek.

"Even when you mess up. Your flaws and insecurities make me love you even more" I said and he looked at me adoringly and kissed my lips. 

"I love you so much" He mumbled into the kiss. "More than you can imagine" He said and I smiled because I could imagine. Once in my life I felt loved. By the one person I always wanted it of. Justin Bieber.