We Are Free

Mistakable Visits

Monday morning comes and it's the day. It's the day I see my dad. I will go to work and then I will go see him. I'm so scared and so nervous.
I won't eat because my stomach is in nots. Halo tried to get me to eat but I wouldn't. We get the kids on the bus and go to work. I work all day with a pit in my stomach and it turning in nots.
I wanna crawl under my bed. The clock goes by so slow if I didn't know any better I would swear it was broken.
Finally we have to leave and go to the county prison. They pat us down and take are keys and phones. They take are wallets and anything else we have on us.
     "Are you scared?" Zag asks me.
     "Of course." I say, my voice is shaking.
     "You don't have to do this.
"I know." I sigh. They open the gate and I look in at the jail cell he is standing in. "To late to turn back now."
Zac places his hand on my shoulder and I walk forward. I see him look at me then look away. He looks so different. His hair had turned white and he had lost weight. He looked old and didn't have much hair on his head. He had some stubble on his face that was visible.
"Why are you here?" He asks me.
"I wanted to be and Zac wanted to come with." I tell him.
"Don't you hate me?" He says still unable to look at me.
"Do I care about you? Yes, I always will. Do I forgive you? Yes, I will always forgive you. Do I love you? No, I don't think I ever will be able to again. I don't hate you."
"How's Andrew and Emily?" He says changing the subject.
"They are good. Andrew is in pre-k and Emily is in 1st grade. They are doing well is school."
"Halo?"
"She is good. She wanted to kill you after what you did to me and so did Zac."
"That's only the beginning of what I wanted to do." Zac mumbles.
"I don't blame them I deserve to die."
"No you don't. You are not a bad person you just got caught up in the wrong things."
"I have been tested and I'm bipolar. I'm not on medication for it."
"Well at least you know what's going on."
"Zac how are you and your boy doing?"
"We are good Zane is a year old and Chloe calls him her own. He calls her mom and he is getting big." Zac says. I can tell he doesn't want to talk to him.
"That's good. I don't know what to say." He says.
"What ever you want to say."
"You are so many things. Jace I threw my family away. I lost my wife my sons and my daughter." He says. For the first time ever I see him cry. Tears come to my eyes and I hold them back. "I understand that you don't love me I hate myself and I don't want my life anymore. You are none of the things I said you were.
You are 17 and you have done so much with your life. Any man would be proud to call you his son and I don't have that honor and I don't want it. I don't deserve it.
I watched your interview on the Ellen show and I cried. I saw you boys and Emily and I cried. I saw Halo and herd about you guys. I herd you have nightmares and everything you go through. I'm a horrible person."
"No your not." I say to him.
"YES I AM." He starts acting out and swearing. I start getting flash backs and I go into shock and the guards come and hold him down. I get up and run out as fast as I can. Zac tries to stop me but misses me. I get in the car and start crying. Zac comes out and gets in. He puts his hand on my back and pulls me close.
"You are okay?"
"I wanna go home. Just take me home." I say.
"Okay." We leave and he hands me my things. I get home and go inside. Zac comes to. Halo hugs me and I cry.
"I take it that it didn't go so well." She says.
"No it went good then it went downhill." Zac says.
"It was a huge mistake. I keep having flashbacks." I say.
"What's wrong with Jace?" Emily asks.
"Honey he is having a hard time okay he will be okay." Zac tells her.
"Okay." She says.
"Come with me." He says. They leave the room.
"Will you be okay?" Halo asks me. Her hand on my back making me feel safe.
"I don't know." I say.
"Go stay the night with Zac." She says.
"What about you?" I ask.
     "I will be fine."
     "The kids?"
     "I got it."
     "What about-"
     "Jason Mathew you will go stay with Zac or I will drag you to his house by your ankles."
     "I'm going to pack." I say.
     "Good."
"So?"
"You have a roommate." I go to my room and grab my backpack. I put a pair of shorts in my bag with a tank top. I put my toilet trees in my bag. I grab my lap top and put it in the bag.
I put the charger in the bag and my phone charger. I hug the kids. Halo kisses me and Zac and I leave. We go back to the prison and get his car. We go to his house and his mom was there with Zane. Zane runs to him and he picks him up.
      "Where's Chloe?" He Zac asks.
      "Daddy!" Zane yells.
      "Hi baby!" He answers and Zane smiles.
      "She has to work a little later tonight." His mom answers.
     "Okay." Zac asks.  Zane reaches for me and I take him. Zac gets him a sippy cup of juice. His mom leaves.
     "Oh boy." I pull my laptop out and look at my final two options for school. Chloe comes home and Zac tells her what is going on. We eat dinner. I finally make a decision and call the school. I make an appointment for next Monday.
     "Zane stop it." Zac says.
     "No." Zane says.
     "Yes." Zac says.
     "Having fun?" I ask Zac.
      "No."
      "Yes." I start laughing and so does Chloe. That boy.
     "Zane listen to daddy." I say.
     "Yes." He says.
     "Thank you."
     "Mommy!" Zane says.
     "I'm going to get him in the bath." She says taking him.
     "Okay sounds good." He yawns and we talk while Chloe is busy. We lay Zane down for bed and watch a movie. The next day we go to work. I see Halo and tell her about my night.
I tell her about the school. She hugs me. All week I await the meeting. I'm so excited. I could be going back to school. I can graduate and get my diploma. It's a dream I have had since I was little.
I want it more than anything in the world. Finally Monday comes and it seems like it's been forever. I go to work but can't sit still.
I work on cars and walk around my office doing my work. When lunch comes I eat but I'm still excited. We go back to work.
Right after I go in for the meeting. Zac is going with me incase I need a adult signature. Halo is getting the kids and going home. Practice was cancelled due to rain.
Finally work is over and Zac and I leave. We go to the building and go to the front desk. I check in and sit down. The person I have to meet comes and gets me and Zac. I sit down in her office and so does Zac.
     "Okay do you go by Jason or something else?" She asks me.
     "I go by Jace."
     "Okay and this is?"
     "Zac I'm just here to be here." Zac says.
    "Okay." We start talking and Zac's phone rings.
     "Sorry I gotta take this it's my mom and she has my son with her." He steps out of the room. We keep talking and a few mins later he comes back. Zane will be dropped off because his mom is running late for a meeting.
We keep talking and discussing things. Zane is dropped off and we continue. When we finally leave Zac had to sign some papers and I'm ready. I start next Monday. I couldn't be more proud or excited.
I go into the thing and FaceTime my teacher.
     "Okay so you have 3 years yet?" He asks me.
     "Yeah I dropped out in 9th grade." I tell him.
     "May I ask why?" I tell him what happened and that I raise my siblings.
     "Seems like a legit reason. So you go by Jace right?"
     "Yes."
     "Okay I have two Jason's and one goes by Jay and one Jace so just making sure."
     "Okay. Um yeah so I have little feet running around."
     "That's okay I got two daughters that are under 5 years of age so no worries."
     "Okay." We keep talking and working through schedules. When I finish Halo gives me lunch. I eat and do what he assigned me to do. Over the next week I start getting homework and going to work. I get it all done and I'm passing so far. I am doing really good with it.
*November*
Emily's first gymnastics show is tomorrow and Andrew's first game is Saturday. The go until it get to cold to play then there is next season. Emily is so excited she got her uniform.
It is a leotard that is green with a purple band on the chest and around the back and shoulders. It says jewels on it. There is green shorts that go with it and a skirt that is green with a small slit on one side and a purple band.
She cannot wear the skirt and the shorts. They restyled the uniform for Ava. Both girls love it. They also have to wear their hair up in a ballerina bun. Halo has a few in mind to spice it up a bit. The day comes and I wake her up.
She gets in her leotard. She decides to wear the shorts. I brush her hair and Halo does it in a bun. The bun had a braid in it that went all the way around. On the right side of the bun towards the top of her head was a bow made from her hair. 
She eats some breakfast. We eat and we all finish getting ready. She puts her jacket on and flats. She grabs her bag. We get in the car. We go to the gymnastics arena. We check in and she gives me her shoes and jacket. We find a seat and she goes with her coach.
*Ten minutes later*
The come out in a line holding a flag that tells us they are Jewels gymnastics. They sit on their bench. They will do a floor routine first. Since Emily's last name starts with P she will be one of the last to go.
She has been telling me all day she isn't nervous. Now I can see she is nervous. Even though it's just friends and family there is the other team and judges. Times goes by for the floor routine.
     "Up next is Emily Parks from Jewels gymnastics." The announcer says. She stands up and goes to the mat. The music starts and we start cheering. She looks at me and smiles.
She starts dancing her routine. She does a basic flip then a cart wheel. About half way through she looks at me with a blank face she forgot her next moves. I give her a thumbs up and she remembers what I always told her if she forgets.
Make something up. She does just that and finishes her routine with lots of sass. She has always been that way with out trying. She sits back down and takes a drink from her water bottle.
They finish with all the girls on the floor routine. Next was balance beam. They start calling girls up and Emily goes up. She doesn't forget a thing about that. She does awsome.
*30 minutes later*
     "Okay now it is time to crown our best gymnasts. For the floor routine in first place is Emily Parks from Jewels gymnastics." The announcer says. She starts screaming and runs up to the stand she stands on the highest one and they put a medal around her next. They sit down again.
They announce the next event and the winners. Emily made second. The third one she made 1st and the last one she made 2nd Ava made 1st. She comes to me. I hug her.
     "I'm so proud of you. You were amazing." I set her down and she laughs.
     "My turn." Halo says. She gives Halo a hug. "You did so good."
     "I had fun." She says with a smile.
     "That's good." Halo says to her.
     "I'm hungry."
     "Should we go out?"
     "Yeah sounds good. Emily you get to pick." I say. She picks a place to go and puts her coat and flats on. She puts her medals in her bag and we go out to eat.
     "I am really proud of you Em you did a really good job. I can tell you are working really hard. I can tell you enjoy it so much. You did a good job with your floor routine." I tell her.
     "Thanks. I'm proud to."
     "I agree with Jace and I'm so very proud of you to. There will be competitions where you will win big and some you won't win at all and that's okay just work hard." Halo tells her.
     "Yup." I say.
     "I will just do my best." She says.
      "That's my girl." I hug her. We go home. The day of Andrew's game comes and we are all ready. It was a warm sunny day. We bring chairs and I put sunscreen on all of them.
Halo and I put some on. We leave. We get to the field and he goes with his team. We sit down and I get snacks from the concession stand. Emily eats some and so does Halo. The game starts and Andrew is up first. He strikes out. We clap and cheer for him.
*1 hour later*
They lost the game but did good. Andrew was sad.
     "It's okay you will win next time. You did so good and we are so proud of you." I tell him.
     "Really?" He asks.
     "Yeah right girls."
     "Of course you did your best and that's all that matters." Halo says.
     "You are still amazing." Emily says. He smiles and I pick him up. On the way to the car he falls asleep. I put him in and Emily gets in. We leave and go home. I make dinner. Halo gets them in the bath and does the dishes. 
I sweep the kitchen and vacuum the floor. She wipes down the counters and I put them to bed. The tooth fairy did come for Andrew. She wrote him a letter and left him 3 dollar bills.
He was so happy. Halo and I go to bed to. We are tired and with all the house work done we can do nothing tomorrow. That sounds really good.
*October*
     "Okay it is the 15th what does everyone want to be for Halloween?" I ask.  They weren't sure. We decide to go to the Halloween store. Emily picks out her costume and Andrew gets his. I pick one out and so does Halo. We check out. We go home and set up some decorations for the season. The 25 we go to a pumpkin patch. We dress warm and go on a hay ride.
     "You excited?" I ask them.
     "Yeah!" Emily says.
     "Yeah! I wanna get a big pumpkin?" Andrew says.
     "Can we watch the Charlie Brown movie?" Emily asks.
     "Of course it wouldn't be Halloween without it." I say.
     "Yay." It was Friday and I let them stay out of school for this. It was the last day we could do it. We did it every year. Zac was here with Zane to. Anna had to work. We get to the pumpkin patch.
We all pick out a pumpkin. We walk back to the car and put them away. The kids wanted to play so we go through the corn maze. It wasn't that big. We let the kids lead and mange to get out 5 minutes later. 
Then they climb the hay stacks on the other side was a trampoline. Zac went down the side because Zane can't do the jump. Emily did it. Andrew got scared and went to a lower hay block and jumped. Halo jumped and so did I. We decide to leave after that.
* October 31st*
It's Thursday and the kids don't have school today or tomorrow. We are all excited for Halloween. When 5 comes around we eat dinner and get ready. We get our costumes on.
We go to Zac's house and get ready. We go trick or treating and go back to his place. The kids eventually fall asleep. When they do we go home. It was cute Zane was a parrot so Zac was a pirate.
He even taught Zane how to say arg and cracker. So many people thought it was cute. The next day the kids sleep in, we all do. We sleep until about noon. When we get up we get something to eat.
The kids eat some candy. I'm the type that it is eat it and get it done and over with. Just don't get sick. They then go outside and play in the leaves. Halo makes her famous hot chocolate that we all just love.
She is really good at making sweets. We have baggies filled with sweets she made. She has to stop at times so we can eat them. She loves making them and the kids love helping her.
They come in with red noes and cheeks. I put them in warm pjs and they drink hot chocolate and eat a snack. I take a couple of cookie candy bars Halo made.
They have a bunch of different candies in them. I don't put them down for a nap and soon it is dinner time. They play and Halo and I tag team it on the house chores. Soon we get them into bed and Halo and I take showers. We lay down and watch a movie. We soon fall asleep.