We Are Free

A Special Visit

It is the kids last week of school. They have brought everything home and they are very excited for summer to start. Chloe and Zac are great. Their wedding is in August.
Zac's birthday is coming up and he will be 20. Halo and I have been talking. She is very antsy. I think she has a little baby fever. She won't tell me though. Emily's birthday is next month and she will be 8.
She is doing good in gymnastics. She has practice throughout the summer as well.  Baseball season will start in June and go until November. I have a surprise for the kids on the last day of school.
Besides having the turtles I want to get them something else. Halo and I have been talking and she agrees. I have been buying stuff for it and hiding it. Today I'm going to lunch with Andrew.
I go to work like normal and when it is a half hour before I leave. I go to Taco Bell as requested by him. I get us food and drinks. I get him a slushy. I go to the school and check in. I go to his classroom. It was raining outside so they had indoor recess. He runs up to me and hugs me.
      "Hi bud." I say.
      "Hi." He says.
      "I was thinking something."
      "What?"
      "It will be nice and sunny when you get out of school today. So Halo is taking Emily do you want to go to rollerblading?" I ask him. His eyes light up.
       "Yeah!"
       "Okay sounds good." We are dismissed for lunch. We go to the lunch room and I give him his food. We haven't had much time to spend together. I figure why not today.
He eats his lunch and I eat mine. He tells me about school and he had gym so he tells me what they did.
      "So who do you usually eat with?" I ask him.
      "Myself." He looks down.
      "You don't eat with anyone?" I ask.
      "No, no one wants to sit with me." He shakes his head.
       "Why?"
       "I don't know." I know he knows the reason he just doesn't want to say it. Man 4 year olds can be mean.
"So do you have anyone?"
"You, Halo, Emily that's it."
"We don't eat with you everyday though when you are at school?"
"No but that's okay. I still have you guys. I rather have you guys as friends then most of the kids here. It's their loss." He says. I smile.
"That it is. What do you think of Blake?"
"She is cute. I like her. I want you and Halo to have a baby though."
"I think she feels the same way."
"I want you to have a girl and a boy to."
"Why?"
"Well I don't know."
"You are silly."
"I can wait though I wanna be older so I can hold the baby better."
"Okay."
"Jace, if you and Halo have a baby will we have to move? Chloe and Zac did."
"No we have a spare room."
"Well what if you have two babies and they are a girl and a boy?"
"Then yes it is a possibility that we have to move."
"Oh."
"I will try to keep you guys in the same school though and that's a long ways away just yet."
"Okay I like are house though."
"If we move we will keep it as a vacation house."
"Okay." We finish lunch and I leave. He goes back to class and I go to work. Halo comes into my office.
"So how did it go?" She asks me.
"It went good but I think we need to talk tonight." I say that gets her worried.
"Why?"
"He said somethings today."
"Oh okay."
"Well you better get back."
"What if I don't?"
"I will have to punish you." She gives me a smirk.
"Can't wait." She leaves and I shake my head she gives me a run for my money. After work I go get Andrew. We go to the skate park. We get some skates and get on the rink.
I hold his hand. He knows how to do it he just isn't that good yet. We skate around and talk. He has so much fun. We go home and Halo was making dinner.
"So how was it boys?" She asks.
"It was good we had fun." I say.
"That's good. So Friday how are we doing that?" She asks me. I know what she is talking about.
"Pick them up Emily goes to practice and after we go and pick it up." I say.
"Okay." I really think the kids will like this surprise.
*Friday*
We get the kids to school. Halo and I take the same car. We go to work and then we go get the kids. We pick them up.
"Can we listen to Fergie?" Emily asks. We know what she means by Fergie. Halo plugs her phone into the aux cable and pulls the song up. It is Fergalicious she loves that song. She knows it by heart. Her and Halo sing to it.
"This just sounds mean to the male race of people." I say.
"And most of the songs you listen to aren't that way to girls." Halo looks at me.
"Good point."
"Exactly." We get to the gymnastics place. Emily gives me her flats and shorts. She does practice and we leave. We go to the place.
"Now Halo and I have been talking. We thought since you guys are really good and have shown a lot of responsibility towards the turtles, and you have done good in school. We thought we would get you something else." I say.
"What is it?" Emily asks me.
"Yeah what?" Andrew copies.
"Get out and fallow me." I say. They get out and we go to the front desk. We meet with the lady we are suppose to meet with. I sign the papers.
A guys brings a dog out. The kids get wide eyes and the dog starts pulling. When the dog finally gets to the kids she attacks them and licks them. They were both on the ground and being licked and laughing.
"Is this are surprise?" Emily asks.
"Yup."
"What's her name?" Andrew asks me.
"Her name is Bowser." I say.
      "Like from Mario?" He asks.
      "Yup."
      "I love her." Emily says.
      "We are taking her home?" Andrew asks me.
      "Yup."
      "Yay!" They hug me and Halo.
      "I'm glad you like her. She is really really good with kids and other animals." The worker tells us.
      "We have two turtles to so." I say.
      "Aww how cute."
Jace:Yeah they are Emily's she named them Poop and Skadoop.
      "Cute well I hope you enjoy Bowser."
      "Thank you."
      "Emily you are getting your uniform all dirty."
     "I know." I help her off the ground and Halo puts the collar and leash on her.
      "Can she sleep in my bed?"
      "Mine to?"
      "I don't care."
      "Okay." We get in the car and Bowser gets in. I open my water bottle and let her drink out of it. She was panting and hot. The kids just love her already. We go home and they help me set up her food and water. I also got a couple toys and a dog bed.
      "What kind of dog is she?" Emily asks me.
      "She is a Pit Bull."
       "Aww."
       "I'm glad you guys like her." That night the kids go to sleep. Bowser sleeps in her bed. Halo and I go to bed and talk. We have been talking about our future a lot since Blake has come.
I can't help but feel like I want all the same. I'm only 18 and I wanna wait longer but that still won't stop me from dying to have it. I want to be able to look at my kids and say I did it and I did it for you.
Even though we could have a baby it's not the right time. There is so much we need to do before that. I will not bring a child into this world when I can't say I have to time and place to do so. One day it will happen but for now I need to focus on getting through school and taking care of my family.
It is June 13th and Emily has a competition. Their floor routine they got to pick a song. She picked umbrella by Rihanna. She loves that song. She loves a lot of songs though.
     Halo does her hair. She puts her uniform on and wears the skirt with it. We get going. Zac is coming and he is bringing Blake and Zane with him. She don't know that though. Blake will be a month old this month.
     She is just the cutest thing to. We are coming up on 3 years since my mom passed and I wanna do something. I wanna go visit her grave. I will take the kids and go.
     We are doing it next weekend. The kids are excited and I'm sure they will cry. We are just focusing on this though. We are also deciding what to get Zac for his birthday. It's a huge toss up.
     Emily has been dropping hints on what she wants for her birthday. We will be busy all summer there is no doubt about that. We get to the area we need to go to. She goes to her coach and we sit down. Zac shows up. Zane runs up to me.
      "Where is Chloe?" I ask.
      "Sleeping." He says.
      "Ahh." Zane crawls onto my lap and lays against me. Zac takes Blake out of her carrier and holds her in his arms. She sucks on her pacifier and watches everything.
      "How is it going?" I ask.
      "It's good. We get a decent amount of sleep and work and all that. Chloe has not gone back to work now. It is hard for her. We are almost done planning the wedding. I can't wait for it.
      "I bet Emily already has her dress picked out."
       "Sounds like Emily."
       "I know." The competition starts. We watch wait for her to go up to the thing she has to do. She does her floor routine and sees Zac she gets a huge smile and does the routine.
      "Damn she is sassy." He says.
      "I told you. Nearly every time she gets a trophy or medal for the floor routine." I say.
      "Wow." We keep watching. When it is done we leave. She got a medal in the floor routine that's it. We go out to eat. Zac feeds Blake with a bottle that Chloe made. We go our separate ways when we finish eating.
     We get home and Bowser attacks us with hugs. She was just so excited. We let her outside to go potty. Emily and I go and take her for a walk. Only we put on roller blades. She holds the leash.
      "Did you have fun?" I ask her.
      "Yeah I'm just getting kinda sick of only winning the floor routine." She says.
      "Yeah, you will get it next time." I say.
      "You say that every time though." She says.
      "I know, just practice hard and you will get it, you will get better."
      "I know."
      "What do you think about next weekend?"
      "Well I am excited and sad. I can't believe it has been 3 years."
      "I know me either."
      "Do you think mommy will be happy that we visit her?"
     "Of course we can bring her flowers to."
      "I want to."
      "Okay."
      "I wish mommy was still here though."
      "Me to."
      "If I could I would bring her back."
      "I feel the same way."
      "I'm glad I have you though."
      "Really?"
      "Yeah, if one thing makes me the happiest it is knowing I have you. It's knowing that everything will be okay in the end." She may be 7 but she is so smart and she is so special. She is right though. We turn around and go home. We get home and Bowser goes to the kitchen to get some water. Emily and I take our skates off.
      "So how was it?" Halo asks me.
      "Good, she said some interesting things though." I say putting the skates by the door.
      "Like what?"
      "We will talk about it later."
      "Okay." Later that night I tell her about what Emily said. I definitely think that next Saturday will be a good thing for all of us.
*Saturday*
That morning we get dressed. We go to the flower store and get a bouquet of flowers for the grave stone. We go to the cemetery and walk around.
     We find her grave. We sit on the ground around it. I put the flowers where they go. We talk and I remember everything that happened the day she died.
I just got out of basketball practice. I go to the car and open the door. I get in and see my mom.
      "Hi honey how was it?" She asks me.
      "It was good." I say.
      "That's good did you have fun?" She asks me.
      "Yeah."
      "Okay, well we need to go to the store so I can get stuff for dinner. Your dad has your sister and brother."
      "Okay." We keep driving when a guy pulls out in front of us. Suddenly it feels like everything goes in slow motion. The crash of both cars. Everything. When it is over I open my eyes.
     A huge pain in my wrist makes me clench my teeth. I see my bag. I grab it and open it. I grab my phone. The screen was shattered. I turn it on and it still worked.
     I call 911. Just as I get off the phone I feel faint. The last this I remember is hearing the sirens of the ambulance. I wake up in the hospital with my arm on a pillow and in a cast. I have a major headache. The doctor comes in and so does my dad and siblings.
      "Where is my mom?" The I ask. They look like they just got here.
      "I am sorry to say that your wife didn't make it. She died on impact." The doctor says to my dad. A tear rolls down my cheek and I close my eyes. My dad starts crying. My sister and brother have no idea what is happening.
     They just look around the room. I sit there hoping that it is just a dream. I hope I will wake up and my mom will be there. This isn't a dream though. It is reality and it happened. The only question is, now what?
In the end the guy who hit us went to jail for a long time. He is still in jail. Emily shakes me.
      "Jace are you okay?" She asks me.
      "Yeah." A tear slides down my cheek. I never played basketball again. I never went back to the team and I never played until last summer. I didn't dare. The jersey I threw it away.
     I was so angry. My dad tried to talk me into playing again, so did Zac and Halo but I refused. It brought back to many memories. I couldn't do it. Emily leans on me and starts crying.
      "I want mommy." She says.
      "I know honey I know." Andrew leans on me to. A tear rolls down his cheek and I can't help but feel helpless. Yes I'm strong and yes I can do it, but somehow I just feel like I'm nothing.
     I can't help but feel that despite all I have done in the last 3 years it hasn't added up to anything. Even though I am 18 there is times when I cry at night and I want my mom. When I don't feel good and when I am having a bad day I want my mom there to hug me and tell me it will all be okay.
      I will always miss her and love her. She did a lot of good in her life and I hope she has a good life where she is now. I hope that at night her spirit walks through the house and helps all of us. I hope she will sit on the edge of the bed and run her hands through our hair and tell us hang in there.
     It will all be okay. Even if I can't see her I hope she does that. I hope she runs her fingers through Emily's hair and tells her how strong she is and does the same with Andrew. I hope she does it to me.
     I hope she does it to Halo and tells her how happy she is that we have her. I want her to do that. I want so much and all of it includes my mom. Words can't say anything on how I feel. I just want her here.
     I know she is watching over us and she takes care of us. I believe she is in a better place and I will see her again. I remember so much. I remember watching Emily being born. I remember Andrew being born. Andrew scared us when he was born.
     The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. The doctor got it off though. When my mom was pregnant with Emily and the doctor said she was a girl I was kinda sad. I wanted a brother but then I held her.
     I looked at her and realized I didn't need a brother she was perfect. Then Andrew came and hearing that he was a boy made me happy. When I got to hold him it was the best feeling in the world.
     I didn't think that 1 year later nearly everything I loved and cared about would be taken from me. We all have slowly learned to live without our mom. No matter what she is always with us and we will all make her proud.