We Are Free

Rebel And No Chill

We get close to the hospital and she moans as a contraction starts. We get to the hospital and they instantly take her to labor and delivery. They get her on a graph to monitor Rebel.
They get her on an IV. She gets into a gown. It is complete craziness as they get her prepared and ready. She has contractions every 5 minutes. It is just me and Anna in the delivery room. Everyone else is outside waiting.
      "How do you feel?" I ask her.
      "Like shit. I'm uncomfortable."
      "I'm sorry." I kiss her hand as she squeezes my hand. I put her hair up into a messy bun. I just hold her hand. It will be a long wait.
This will be the longest wait of my life. Everything I have done is up to this moment. When I first asked her out.
She grabs her phone to answer a text now is my shot and my plams start sweating. I hear Zac in my head say just go for it.
"Ummm...H-Halo."
"Yeah." She looks up at me and my stomach start doing flips and gets tied into nots.
"Ummm...Friday I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the creek with me? Then spend the night at my house? Zac said he would take the kids."
"You want me to go out with you to the creek kinda like a date. Then you want me to spend the night."
"Umm y-y-yeah." She goes silent for a bit and and squeezes her lips together. I feel like throwing up until I get an answer.
"Um...Yeah
She squeezes my hand again. I remember our first date.
At 6:30 Halo shows up she had a small duffle bag over her shoulder she was wearing her sandles and a sundress I could see her black bikini string around her neck I haven't even got my swim suit on yet. Her hair was in a ponytail. She puts her bag in my room I go in my room as well.
     "Well I thought we would eat then go to the creek go swimming and look at the stars for a little bit lay on a blanket." I say.
     "That sounds fun."
     "Okay I need to put my swim suit on."
     "Okay I will leave so you can do that." I take my shirt off as she says that.
     "Alright I will be out in a second." She leave and closes the door I take my jean shorts off my socks and boxers I grab my swim suit and slide it on I put my clothes in my laundry basket. I leave my room and Halo was sitting at the kitchen table. I pull out a pizza I had got already made I put it on the table.
"Pizza!"
"I didn't say it would be healthy." I say.
"That's okay I still love you." I smile I sit down and she opens the box. I grab a piece and she grabs a piece. We eat dinner when we are done there is still half a pizza left. We share memories.
"Remember that one time I left my phone in the bathroom. You had just gotten in there to use the bathroom and I didn't know it and walked in."
"Yeah that was funny."
"Well after the matter."
"True or that time Zac was sleeping in the hammock out back under the trees. We both got a water ballon and a sharpie we both drew a mustache on him and a beard. Then threw the water ballons at him he actually fell out."
"That was hilarious."
"Yes it was he didn't think so but it turned into this huge water ballon fight which was fun."
"Yeah."
"Should we get going?"
"Yeah." I grab 2 towels, a blanket, and a shirt for me we take my truck Halo gets in and I put my sandles on and we leave we go to the creek and get out we lay the blanket down we take our shoes off and lay on the blanket. The sun was starting to set and it looked beautiful. Halo takes her dress off.
     She folds it up and lays it on the towels. I put my arm around her and we watch the sun. An half an hour later we decide to get into the water. It was warm and cold at the same time.
"Come on I know a special place." I say grabbing her hand.
     "Really."
     "Yeah we just have to swim a little."
"Okay." I grab her hand and we swim until I see the water fall it was a little darker now and it was getting cooler out still warm but not as hot. We go through the water fall.
"This is amazing."
"Isn't it." It was a big cove it was in a semi circle shape and there was a bench. We sit down on it the water up to our chests. I put my arm around her shoulders.
"This is amazing." She says and her eyes get wide.
"You like it?" I ask her.
"I love it."
"That's good." I could feel something in the air it felt off the sun was still going down. It was a perfect time I can't believe that I actually worked up the courage to ask her out and it feels great. I also think about what she said I was her crush. Im happy I'm truly happy.
"What did your mom say?" I ask her not really knowing what to say.
"Well I told her I was staying with you and she was happy so."
"Okay." We swim around and laugh and play until it was dark out we could still see but you couldn't see the sun out. We are sitting back down and she has her arms around me and I have mine around her.
"This is nice."
"Yeah honestly I feel like a normal teenager."
"Really?" She looks at me.
"Yeah." She lays her head back on my chest.
"That's good."
"Yeah." We look at each other again and she looked so beautiful. Her blue eyes were shining like diamonds. Her hair was wet but it looked perfect. Her lips where perfect everything about her was just perfect.
     I put my hand on her face and she leans into it. Im so nervous I try to keep my breathing easy. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"What are you thinkin about?" She asks me.
     "A lot and its all about you."
     "Really?"
     "Yeah." We stop for a bit and just look at each other.
     "I'm about to do something very stupid don't freak out please."
     "Okay." I look at her a second longer then I quickly kiss her. Her lips crash on mine and she doesn't freak out at all. She kisses back and wraps her arms around my neck and we keep kissing not roughly but not sweetly either. We pull away.
We became a couple after that. The kids were so happy and so was Anna. She had waited for the day since we met. Halo squeezes my hand again. I remember when we told the kids.
"Are you two dating?" Emily asks me. Finally I say the words she has been wanting to hear for a while now.
     "Yeah that's okay right?"
     "Yeah that's great yay!!!!!!!"
     "Okay." I bend down and kiss her again Emily laughs.
She just lays there with my hand in hers. We are now an hour into labor and she is 2 centimeters dilated. I remember more to. I remember when I got stabbed and she moved in.
"Any pain."
"No." I say to him.
"Okay you are very lucky young man. You stomach and daframe where just missed. The knife went right inbetween them. Nothing was permanently damaged you did lose a lot of blood though. Halo donated some to you." I look at her. She moves are arm showing the skin colored band-aid that covered where the needle had been.
"You got 20 stitches. It will be a slow healing process but you will be just fine. Thanks to your sister here." The doctor smiles and shakes my hand he leaves the room. Zac gives me a hug.
"Still tough as nails." He says.
"You bet your ass." I say. We laugh.
The day she moved in was one of the best days ever.
Halo comes back she comes in and opens the door. Flint was laying on my lap.
"Hey babe." She says.
"Hey could I get your help I need to use the bathroom?"
"Yeah." She helps me and I sit back down. She goes outside and comes back in her and Zac were holding her dresser. They bring it into are room. They come back and Halo gets her nightstand. She puts it in are room to. Zac carries in a laundry basket and takes it into my room.
     It had a lamp and some other things in it. Halo and Zac start bringing in boxes. I get up and go to my room I sit on my bed. I help take clothes out of boxes. Halo puts them away. My side starts hurting a lot sitting up so I sit down in the chair again. Halo and Zac come back out a half hour later. They sit down.
"Is it done?" I ask.
"Yup." Halo says.
"I gotta go my mom has to go to work and I have to get Zane." Zac says.
"Okay." He leaves.
"How did your mom react?" I ask her.
"She was good she helped me pack then as soon as I went to leave she started crying." Halo says to me.
"Yeah that's understandable you are her baby and you just moved out."
"Yeah I know I can't blame her but she knows I will go visit."
"Yeah."
Another hour passes. She is 3 centimeters and still going strong. She is eating ice chips and breathing with her eyes closed. I keep kissing her and letting her squeeze my hand as hard as she needs to.
I wish I could take it from her but I can't. I can only do so much. She squeezes my hand once more as I remember our 1st anniversary as a couple.
She lays down to take a nap. While she is sleeping I grab her nicest jeans and her favorite transparent blouse. I put a white tank top to go under it and her black flats. I put it all on a hanger and hang it in the bathroom.
I write a note to her and go into the living room. I grab the laundry basket and grab my nicest jeans and white shirt. I go back to our room and find my red plaid button up and put it on. I shave and put my cologne on that makes her go crazy.
I leave the bathroom and hear her alarm go off. A half hour later she comes out dressed and ready to go. I tell her to go to the car. She goes to he car and I grab a back pack. I put her swim suit in and mine. I grab some towels to. I go to the truck and we leave.
     "What's the bag for?" She asks.
     "You will see."
     "Where are we going?"
     "You will see."
     "Uhhhg." I smirk and she looks at me.
     "You are an ass." She says
"Well I try." We arrive and the first place it was our favorite restaurant. We go inside and we are seated.
"What are you doing?" She asks me.
"You will see." I tell her.
"Okay."
"I love you so much." I say.
"I love you to." We kiss and I put my arm around her we are seated in a booth. They bring us mozzarella sticks. We eat them then are main dish is brought to us. We eat our food. I pay for it then we leave the restaurant.
"Where are you taking me?" She asks again. She always has to know what's next.
"You will see." I take her to a drive in movie. I send her to get snacks and drinks while I set up the back of the truck. I fill it with pillows and blankets and sleeping bags. She comes back. She gets in with me and we take our shoes off we put them in the truck and lay down. She cuddles next me.
"This is one of the best nights ever." She says.
"There is more to come." I tell her.
"Well no matter what even if we just stayed home I still love you and it still would have been perfect."
"Well even though you are okay with that you are my queen and you deserve the best no matter what." She looks at me with love, thankfullness, and gratefulness. She kisses me on the lips as her token of thanks. The movie starts and we watch it. When it is over we pack up and leave. I take her to the creek were we had our first date and hand her her swim suit. She looks at me.
"The creek. We haven't been here since our first date." She says in shock.
"I thought it would be a good place to end this." She nods her head and we put our swim suits on. We go to the water and I lead her to the place where we had our first kiss. We go under the water fall and she ties her hair up. We sit on the bench and watch the little fish swim by us. She lays her head on my shoulder.
"You are the best." She says.
"I can make your night a whole lot more special if you want me to."
"Maybe." We kiss and everything around me goes away. I love her so much and I just know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to. We look at each other and I look into her eyes. They were beautiful as always. No matter what she does or goes through she is my girl and I will always love her. We kiss again and I grab her waist.
"Yeah." She mumbles. I know what she means I lift her onto my lap and she gets off and grabs my hand. We leave the water and go to the truck. We grab the towels and wrap areselves in them. We get in the car and go home. We go inside and put the bag away we quickly go to the bedroom. I pick her up and lay her on the bed I get on top of her and kiss her. She pulls me close and I kiss her neck.
****
She lays next to me and we decide to shower. We get up and go to the bathroom. She turns on the shower and I pull her close. I kiss the side of her neck. She smirks before we get in the shower and wash up. We get out and I dry off.
"Damn I forgot clothes."
"Wow I'm shocked." I laugh and leave the bathroom. I put on some shorts and grab the small bouquet of flowers I bought and the card. I lay them on her nightstand and she comes out of the bathroom.
I go in and put deodorant on. I leave and see her holding the card reading it close to tears. I decided to write a card for her. She looks at me and runs into my arms. She puts her head on my chest.
"I love you so much." She says.
"I love you to."
She still hasn't asked for an epidural yet and is 4 centimeters. We both want Rebel to come. Anna takes my place and I sit against the wall it is about 11 and Zac said they were taking this kids to get food. She squeezes Anna's hand and I remember the time I almost screwed it all up.
Over the next week I struggle. I hurt all over and I'm often grouchy.
Halo gets most of it and is trying to keep me calm. I'm more patient with the kids. I feel bad because I don't realize I lashed out until after I did.
On top of it I don't feel good. I have had a headache all the time and a sore throat. I'm miserable. I have been taking medicine after medicine to find some relief.
I can't seem to find it though and I'm moody. I can tell Halo is close to her breaking point. If that happens I don't know what I will do. I have spent the night at Zac's but with everything going on with him and me being nearly helpless I felt like a bother to him.
Him and Chloe are looking for a new house and starting to buy things for the baby. Plus they have Zane and wedding plans. It is Tuesday and the kids have school. I have work and Halo and I are in a argument.
     "What do you want me to do about it Jace!" She asks her voice getting loud.
     "I don't fucking know!" I yell.
     "Stop it." She says getting mad.
     "Stop what?"
      "Stop what you are doing I am trying to have a conversation with you."
     "I don't care!"
     "You better care."
      "Well I don't."
     "I don't see where this is going." She says. She throws her hands up.
     "Me either."
     "Take some more Tylenol and go to bed. I can't help you don't feel good."
      "It don't do anything I have told you that! How many times do I have to say it to you!"
      "THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU! Figure it out yourself asshole." She walks out of the room and down the hall.
     "Fuck." I sit there for a minute and then go back to our bedroom. She has just gotten off the phone.
     "I'm going to my mom's for the night."
      "Why?"
      "Because you are being an asshole and I'm done dealing with it. For a whole damn week I have put up with your shit and I'm done. You yell at me for everything. Even the kids don't want to be by you." She grabs her bag and starts throwing stuff in it. She doesn't fold she just shoves it in.
      "Halo-" She cuts me off.
      "No don't you dare start. I get it you are hurting and you don't feel good but that doesn't give you any right to act the way you are acting all the damn time. I'm done dealing with it and I wanna leave." She zips her bag and walks through where I am standing. Before she leaves she looks at me.
      "You wanna know who you are acting like?" She says.
       "Not really." I say not making eye contact.
       "Your acting just like Derek." She says it with pure hate in her voice she walks past me and I know there is no use. She won't listen and I can't stop her from going.
     "I'm sorry."
     "You better be." Seconds later I hear the front door. I go to the living room and see her pull out. A tear rolls down my cheek and I hear the kids come out. I swipe it away.
     "Where is Halo going?" Emily asks me.
      "She is going to see her mommy for tonight."
      "Why?"
      "She misses her mommy." Andrew comes running down the hall and falls he starts crying and I go to him fast as I can. I move my crutches and pick him up. I limp to the kitchen and set him on the counter.
     "Emily go brush your teeth honey." I tell her.
     "Okay." I calm Andrew down and help him get ready for bed. It was a challenge but I finally manage to do it. He gets in bed.
      "Is Halo going to come home tomorrow?" He asks me.
      "I don't know we will have to see." I say.
      "I love her Jace. I don't want her to leave."
      "I know sweetie I know. I will fix it."
I go to Emily's room and she gets in bed. I give her a hug and kiss. I leave her room and close the door. I go to my room and sit on the floor against the bed.
I put my head in my hands. Her words keep going through my mind. You are just like Derek. It repeats over and over again. It won't go away. She left.
I don't know how I will do what I need to tomorrow I can't get to work on my own. I will have to figure it out. So many things go through my mind. Have I lost her forever? I can't live with myself if I did.
She is my world and everything to me. If I lose her I lose everything. The worst part is I'm helpless. I'm a sitting duck waiting for the sharks to come and there is nothing I can do to save myself.
I start crying. I cry like I did when I lived with my dad. Soon I can't breath and I have to lay on my back. I lay on the floor and catch my breath. I look at the time and give up.
I grab the blanket that is hanging off the bed and cover myself up. I fall asleep. If one thing is for sure it's that if I lost her forever I will never forgive myself.
I am glad she found it in her heart to forgive me. I can't imagine what I would have done if she couldn't have forgiven me. I have never done that again since.
I call Halo. She doesn't answer.
      "Hey it's me I don't know if you are still mad but your mom took the kids to school. She did say she talked to you. I'm really sorry. If I could take it back I would. You mean everything to me." I start crying.
     "Oh my gosh Halo you have no clue what you mean to me. The day I met you I knew you were the one and I finally got you. I don't wanna lose you and I will do anything.
I made some mistakes that I promise I will never make again. When you left I laid on the floor and cried after the kids went to bed. I cried myself to sleep on the floor and I swear if I lose you I will never forgive myself or be able to live with myself. I love you so much please call me back." I put my phone on the counter and lay on the couch. I turn on the tv and wipe my tears away. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. I look at the ceiling and think.
When we started dating I gave her two things. I gave her the keys to my heart and a shotgun. She has already used the keys. Now she has loaded the shotgun and has aimed it right at my heart. There is one thing left is, she going to pull the trigger?
I look at the back of the couch and a silent tear sneaks down my cheek. Then another. Soon I'm crying and tear after tear rolls down my cheek. I get up and go outside and sit on the back porch. I look into the yard. It was cold out it was January 5th and it was cold.
It was bearable. I sit on the porch and watch my breath as I breath in and out. I don't know what to do anymore. I look up.
      "Mom if your watching over me help me. Guide me so I don't lose her. I know I did some mean things but guide me. Please mom please. She means the world to me and I want her and only her." I hear a nock on the front door. I go to it and open the door. Halo was standing there with red eyes and a tear slides down her cheek.
     "Jace."
      "What?"
     "I herd your message."
      "And....?"
      "I love you so much. I wanna make this work I wanna be with you forever and I want you to be the father of my children. I want you to be the one I wake up everyday for the rest of my life. I want it to be you.
You are nothing like Derek and any girl wouldn't be lucky to have you. Out of all the girls in the world you fell for me and I couldn't be happier."
A tear rolls down my cheek hearing her say this. She hugs me and kisses me. I taste salt on her lips and she looks into my eyes. I can see it. She has put the gun down and isn't going to pull the trigger. I let her in it is her house to. We sit on the couch.
      "Last night my mom talked to me." She says picking at her nails. The nail polish chipped.
     "What did she say?"
     "Here is your tea honey." My mom says.
     "Thanks mom." I say grabbing it.
     "Look, Jace isn't a bad young man. He is in pain and he is sick and he feels helpless. You know he hates feeling that way.
He is a strong independent person but if he needs help he isn't afraid to admit it. We both know that. You mean the world to him. He told me that before he had you he thought his life was complete but now he says it's just starting.
He has told me he wants you to be the mother of his children and you are the one he wants to wake up to every morning. He would never do anything to hurt you. I bet you right now after he gets those kids in bed he will go to his room and cry for hours because of what he did.
He didn't mean it and we both know that. Halo every couple argues it's how you recover that matters. When that boy asked you out and you said yes he gave you two things. He gave you the keys to his heart and he gave you a shotgun.
You have already used the keys and opened his heart and now you have picked up the shotgun. You have loaded it and aimed it right at his heart. The real question lies yet. Are you going to pull the trigger?"
      "Maybe I did over react just I wanna spend the night apart."
     "That is your choice honey I can't stop you. You are 21 if you wanna be with him you will do it. If you wanna have a baby your going to. All I can do it help you and guide you the rest is up to you. Think about it sweetie he really loves you."
I wipe a tear away.
1:00 comes around and she is 7 centimeters dilated. She hasn't asked for an epidural yet. She is really strong when it comes to pain. She got a concussion when we were sledding once.
She went down the hill and lost control. She fell off the sled and rolled down the hill before hitting her head on ice. Her head was bleeding and she passed out. She didn't wine, cry, or shed a single tear.
She walked home and then she was rushed to ER. I remember when I asked her to marry me.
They run around and screaming as the cold water touches their skin. I think that now is the time and I'm ready. My heart starts beating and my palms sweat. I pull Halo close to me.
     "What are you doing?" Halo asks me.
     "You know I was thinking." I say.
     "About?"
     "Well I was just kinda thinking about Zac and Chloe. I have been thinking about that a lot. I made a decision to."
      "What's that?"
      "Um I will be right back."
      "Okay." I go inside and open my drawer. I grab the box. I go back out my legs shaking. She looks at me.
     "Now I know that I'm not perfect but I want to be your prince until I die." I get down on one knee and everyone looks at us. "Halo I will do anything to make you happy. I love you more than anything in this world and I know the best is yet to come. Will you marry me and be mine forever?" She starts crying and freezes for a second.
      "Oh my gosh. Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course I will marry you." I slide the ring on her finger and stand up. She hugs me and kisses me all over. "Oh my gosh. I love you so much." They all start clapping.
      "I love you to." She looks at the ring and smiles.
Finally one of my most favorite parts of our story. The day I found out she was pregnant.
I wake up and go to the bathroom. I go pee and once I finish I put deodorant on. I set the deodorant stick back on the counter and see the ring box that contained her engagement ring. It always sits in her night stand drawer.
    I raise in eyebrow but then I see the white envelope under it. I grab the envelope and open it. I read it, it was only a couple sentences. I get knots in my stomach and my heart starts beating.
    What is in the box? Is it her ring? I don't know. I grab the box and very slowly open it. I close my eyes in fear that it is her ring. It couldn't be though, could it?
    I finally get the box open but keep my eyes closed. My heart is beating and leaping into my throat. My stomach is jumping and won't stop. My legs are shaking and so are my hands. I slowly open my eyes.
    I look at the ring box in shock at what I see. It wasn't her ring. My mouth hangs open and I just stair at what lays in the fine, soft, padding of the ring box.
     I pick it up and set the box on the counter. I look at it in my hand before breaking down into tears. It was a little purple pacifier. Halo is pregnant! Before I can think I get up and run into the kitchen.
    The kids weren't up yet. I pick her up and set her on the counter then press my ear to her stomach. I know I can't feel or hear anything yet but the thought of having a little tiny human inside of her that we made is astonishing.
    I wipe tears of joy from my eyes and she runs her fingers through my hair. I can't stop crying.
      "I am going to be a daddy."  She nods her head. I keep my ear pressed to her stomach. I can't wait until I can feel our baby moving and kicking. I can't wait to see his/her little toes and fingers.
    The little mouth and nose. Hear it's heart beat. I can't wait to hold our little baby. I can't move my head I just want to stay here forever. I wipe more tears from my eyes but my vision remains blurry.
    I finally lift my head up and she kisses my salty lips.
      "Are you happy?" She asks me. She gets tear in her eyes.
     "I have never been happier." She kisses me again. We are having a baby! I am going to be a dad. Oh my gosh.
      "When are we going to tell everyone?" She asks me.
      "At Ryker's party. We will get pink and blue confetti poppers. Everyone will have one. We won't tell them or nothing. We won't tell the kids either." I suggest.
     "I love it!" She says.  She kisses me again. A new life is beginning and I want this one more than anything else.
Now we are sitting in a delivery room waiting for her to have Rebel. Two more hours go by it is 3:00 she is 9 centimeters. The doctor comes in and her legs are up in stirrups. There is a towel on her stomach for when Rebel comes out. The doctor looks.
      "She is at ten." The doctor says.  I start crying. She doesn't have any pain medicine but she hangs onto my hand. Anna holds her leg. When she gets a contraction she pushes until it passes. She throws her head back and breaths before pushing again. "That's it sweetie one more big push." The doctor encourages her.
      She breaths in and pushes again. Seconds later we hear a loud cry. The doctor holds Rebel up.
      "It's a girl!" The doctor tells us.  She lays Rebel on the towel and Halo wraps her arms around her. We both start crying. Our baby! Our baby girl! Rebel she is here! I cut the cord. We hug her for a little longer before she is taken for measuring.
We lay there. Halo gets stitches. She delivers the amniotic sac Rebel was in. I gagged a little and she laughed. When Rebel is handed to us we hold her.
      "Congratulations! What's her name?" The doctor asks us.
     "Rebel." Halo says smiling.
     "I like it!" The doctor says.  We are transferred to a different room and all settled in. I go out to everyone and call them back. I grab Rebel.
      "Uncle Zac, would you like to hold her first?" I ask him. He looks star struck before taking Rebel. She was all wrapped up in a little pink blanket with a pink hat on her.
Her card in her incubator said I'm a girl! It had my name, Halo's name, her name, and her birth date. The house is almost done so we have almost nothing to worry about. Soon everyone leaves. Trick or treating is starting. We hold Rebel.
     "Our little Halloween baby!" I say.
     "I have a feeling that Rebel is a prediction, even more now that she was born on Halloween." Halo tells me.
      "Me to." I look at our little creation. We made her. She is ours, all ours. I am shocked. We made her, now we have to raise her. It's sad to think she will never meet her grandma.
She will only see her through a grave. A tear slides down my cheek as I watch her watch me. Her small blue eyes the color of Halo's her nose the same shape as mine. Her lips a mix of the two.
She had a head full of hair. She was perfect in every way. I have a daughter and now is my chance to be the father mine never was. Halo falls asleep. She is so tired form everything. I just keep holding Rebel.
      "You know. You are so beautiful, just like your mommy. I promise you that one day, when you are grown, I will take you to see your grandma. You won't see her in flesh and you won't get to hug her. You will see her on a piece of marble with her name on it.
She was a loving mother. I know she is looking at you. I always say that I will make her proud but I know I have. I promise you that I will always be there. I will watch you grow and when you reach the age where you decide to start dating, I will be there with a shot gun.
I will be there on your first day of school and your last. One day I will have to sit you down, I will have to tell you why your aunt and uncle live with me. I will have to tell you how your mommy and I met.
I will have to tell you about your uncle Zac, how we met. I will have to tell you about your grandma and your grandpa. There is so much I will have to tell you.
If all the challenges I have been through since I was 15 led to this, I would do it all again just for a second chance to meet you for the first time. To hear you cry and see your face. We did it though. We made it. We Are Free."