We Are Free

Tears Of...

*March 28*
I have my diploma hanging on my wall in our room. Halo got the brith control removed the 1st and we have been trying just whenever. She bought some pregnancy tests just for whenever, but unfortunately she got her period.
We were both bummed out because of it but what can you do? We will just keep trying. She just got off her period so we are going again. We don't really care when we are just doing it as we want.
With work, 2 kids, 3 animals, and the house to take care of, at the end of the day we just don't care. We want to go to bed. The kids are still in school. Gymnastics has started. Ryker is 10 months.
It is all going by quick and I just want the day I wake up and she is holding a positive test in her hands. I will probably cry. If that is the case I don't know what I am going to do when the baby starts moving, I see it on the ultrasound, or when it is born.
We would both really love a little girl. We know that as long as the baby is happy and healthy it doesn't matter. We need to get a positive test first though. I am putting dishes away so she is sitting on the counter.
"I think we need to be active around the time I am going to get my period." She says.
"Why do you say that?" I ask.
"That is when the egg is at its best to get fertilized."
"Okay but that's another 3 weeks."
"Well let's just keep doing what we are but get more active as I start getting moody."
"Okay, as long as you don't scratch me again."
"That was an accident."
"I know." She smacks me in the chest.
"Asshole." She rolls her eyes and laughs at me. I laugh a little bit. "Well I hope you are prepared to make trips at 3 AM, shave my legs, and do anything else I ask of you."
"I can shave your legs. I can make trips at 3 AM. You do know that you can't be lifting anything at work, and when you start sticking out you can't work unless the problem is under the hood."
"Yeah that sucks, I might be cut off from work for a while. It's worth it though."
"I suppose so, I wouldn't know."
"Yeah, rub it in." We start laughing. I finish with the dishes. The kids are in bed and it is late. I wrap my arms around her waist and lay my head on her chest. "What do you want?"
"I don't know." I say.
"You want to try again don't you?"
"I don't know." She lightly smacks me in the head and runs her fingers through my hair.
"Lets go."
"Okay!" She giggles. Maybe this one will be the one.
*Next Morning*
I wake up and she wasn't next to me. I hear the shower running. I am guessing that that's where she is. I need one to. We don't have work but Anna wants to take the kids for the day. We said she could.
We go to the baby store. We get some more things and go home. I am so jumpy and I know why. We put the baby things in the baby's room.
*1 week later*
It is now the first week of April and Halo still isn't pregnant. We haven't got any more baby stuff but Emily is really excited now. Halo hasn't shown any signs so she hasn't used any of the 3 tests in the bathroom.
I keep wondering if it is bad that I want her to throw up or chew me out for a half hour about changing the tv channel. I want her to sleep all day or eat every last thing of junk food we have in the house.
I want her to give me something. It isn't happening though.
*2 weeks later*
It is the third week in April but she hasn't got anything. It is getting upsetting and we have been more active. She is starting to get moody so we are having sex every chance we get. She hasn't threw up or got her period so we are just waiting.
*2 weeks later*
It is May 5th Ryker turns one in 5 days and we still have nothing. She hasn't got her period that I know of though. It is just a huge waiting game and it is one I hate. I hate this more than anything and I want a positive test already.
Emily and Andrew do to. They are asking questions and we have no answers. They are like a bunch of jumping beans with ants in their pants waiting. They are about as patient as I am right now.
*May 8th*
I wake up and go to the bathroom. I go pee and once I finish I put deodorant on. I set the deodorant stick back on the counter and see the ring box that contained her engagement ring. It always sits in her night stand drawer.
I raise in eyebrow but then I see the white envelope under it. I grab the envelope and open it. I read it, it was only a couple sentences. I get knots in my stomach and my heart starts beating.
What is in the box? Is it her ring? I don't know. I grab the box and very slowly open it. I close my eyes in fear that it is her ring. It couldn't be though, could it?
I finally get the box open but keep my eyes closed. My heart is beating and leaping into my throat. My stomach is jumping and won't stop. My legs are shaking and so are my hands. I slowly open my eyes.
I look at the ring box in shock at what I see. It wasn't her ring. My mouth hangs open and I just stair at what lays in the fine, soft, padding of the ring box.
I pick it up and set the box on the counter. I look at it in my hand before breaking down into tears. It was a little purple pacifier. Halo is pregnant! Before I can think I get up and run into the kitchen.
The kids weren't up yet. I pick her up and set her on the counter then press my ear to her stomach. I know I can't feel or hear anything yet but the thought of having a little tiny human inside of her that we made is astonishing.
I wipe tears of joy from my eyes and she runs her fingers through my hair. I can't stop crying.
"I am going to be a daddy." She nods her head. I keep my ear pressed to her stomach. I can't wait until I can feel our baby moving and kicking. I can't wait to see his/her little toes and fingers.
The little mouth and nose. Hear it's heart beat. I can't wait to hold our little baby. I can't move my head I just want to stay here forever. I wipe more tears from my eyes but my vision remains blurry.
I finally lift my head up and she kisses my salty lips.
"Are you happy?" She asks me. She gets tear in her eyes.
"I have never been happier." She kisses me again. We are having a baby! I am going to be a dad. Oh my gosh.
"When are we going to tell everyone?" She asks me.
"At Ryker's party. We will get pink and blue confetti poppers. Everyone will have one. We won't tell them or nothing. We won't tell the kids either." I suggest.
"I love it!" She says. She kisses me again. A new life is beginning and I want this one more than anything else.