We Are Free

Birthdays

*June 2nd*
*10 weeks pregnant*
The kids get out of school tomorrow and they are so excited. Halo has scheduled another appointment for at 15 weeks along.
We should see little fingers, toes, mouth, hands, etc. Emily is more excited for this one then the other one. She wants to find out the gender though.
I don't think either kid cares what the baby is considering they both have a niece and a nephew. Zac is coming to the new sonogram because Zane has been asking so he is bringing him with.
We get the kids from school and Halo has changed her clothes already. She is wearing a tight tank top and she is showing just a little.
We go get Emily first. We get her then we get Andrew. We go home and put all their things away. The don't need anything for tomorrow it is a half day.
Anna is getting them until we get out of work. I finish going through Emily's bag and I pull out a paper. It was a sign up form for soccer. She is sitting at the table eating a snack and watching me.
      "Do you want to do this?" I ask her.
      "Yeah, I don't have anything to do until karate." Gymnastics ended so she has a point. I fill out the sheet and write a check. We have to show up at the first practice and turn the form in. I set it on the counter and they put all their things away.
*Next day*
We get them off to school and go to work. We get to work and Zac jumps me.
      "What have I told you?" I tell him.
      "This is for teaching my son the bike thing." He gets off and I push him a little. I get to work and do everything I need to before putting my work shirt on and work on 2 cars.
*June 28th*
*14 weeks pregnant*
Zac's birthday is today and in one more week we go back to the doctor for Halo's next check up. She has a small bump. She is only about 14 weeks. I can't wait until we have a little baby running around. Blake comes to me.
     "Up." I pull her on my lap and bounce her on my knee.
      "Momma!" She says.
      "Hi baby!" Chloe says.
      "Yay!" She claps and we laugh at her.
      "Juice!"
      "What do you say?" I ask her.
      "Please!"
      "Okay." I hand her her sippy cup and she starts drinking her juice. She hands me her cup and gets off. Ryker walks around and plays. Zac sips on a beer but Halo can't have it and Chloe doesn't want any.
      "How has it been without them in school?" Zac asks me.
      "Hell! I get, I'm board, when is Halo having the baby? What are you naming the baby? Can we do this? Uhh it is horrible." I roll my eyes and he laughs.
      "Now that Zane is talking he is either board, hungry, or hyper."
      "Yeah, I know that phase all to well."
      "When is Halo's next appointment?"
      "In about a week. She will be 15 weeks so we will see details of the baby. Then we go in 5-6 weeks later and find out the gender."
      "Already!?"
      "Yeah I can't believe she is already 14 weeks along. 3 months."
      "Is she showing?"
      "Yeah, it's a small bump but it is there. If she wears something skin tight you can see it."
      "Really?"
      "Yeah, it's at the bottom of her stomach though. The baby is like right in that crease."
     "Well yeah. When Chloe was pregnant she carried more to the back. We didn't see anything until 5-6 months along."
      "Well Halo is carrying to the front. I am not complaining though."
      "Yeah, I loved laying on her stomach and feeling the kids kick and move. I loved just laying there. It is like you have a part of something you made, and together you have a tiny little human inside of her that you helped make. It blows my mind, I loved just laying there next to her stomach or lay my head on it."
      "I love doing it anyway. I can't feel anything, but I love laying there."
      "Well imagine how she feels."
      "I can't."
      "Me either." Halo comes to me and leans on me. I lean on her stomach. She is excited for next week and so am I. We all are. We are most excited to find out the gender though. We eat food and open presents.
We talk, laugh, have a good time. We just have fun and enjoy ourselves. When the presents have been opened, cake has been eaten, and food has been stored away, we just sit and talk.
Chloe and Zac sip on the same beer they had to start with. Chloe's was still new and cold.
     "When you turn 21, are you going to let me take you out?" Zac asks me.
     "I don't want to drink."
     "Really?"
     "Well when my dad was drunk he was abusive. You saw it. I have never drank before. I can't imagine what I will be like after one. I don't want to turn into an asshole like him. I won't let them see that and I won't hurt Halo.
Halo when she gets drunk it's the, "you have to much clothes on." " come shower with me" and that. Me I don't know if I am funny and want sex or if I will beat on people because of my dad being that way. I don't want to risk it either."
     "Okay, I will tell you what. We will get a hotel. We will go out. Trial and error. You can do what you want. I know how to deal with it. If you get like your dad I will forgive you and I can handle it. If you want sex I can't help you. I might end up seeing something I shouldn't."
      "Yeah, like it is the first time."
      "I know."
      "Just one night. If I act like my dad I am never getting drunk again."
      "Deal." We laugh. I still have a while before that though. Alcohol doesn't scare me, what I could do after I drink it does. I don't mind having a couple sips. I just don't want to get drunk. 
I know they would forgive me but, could I forgive myself? I push it out of my mind. I am nothing like him, I just hope that stays the same when I turn 21.