We Are Free

Christmas And Mistakes

Christmas Eve comes. We have the tree set up and it is puking with how many presents are under it. We are going to Anna's tomorrow like usual. We asked if she wanted us to bring a dish to pass but she refused.
She wants to do it all on her own. Emily is fully healed and excited. Andrew is excited to. We made cookies today and raindeer food. They can't wait until the morning. We watch Christmas movies then they go to bed. Halo and I go to bed to.
*7:35 AM*
Emily and Andrew jump on our bed.
     "Come on guys wake up!" Emily says.
     "Halo, Jace wake up Santa came!" They say.
     "Okay I'm up." I say, I yawn and rub my eyes my room still dark.
     "Halo wake up!" Andrew says.
     "Aww just five more minutes." She says.
     "No!"
     "Okay I'm up." We wake up and go to the living room. Halo ties her hair back. We let the kids get their stockings. They pull what's in them out. Emily got a coloring set from Santa and Andrew got a LEGO Batman set.
They put their stuff in a laundry basket and the wrapping paper in the garbage bag. I hand them their presents. They open them Emily opens a big one first.
She sees the top of the box and smiles really big showing the tooth she just lost. She rips the paper off the rest of the way and looks at the box. She starts screaming.
Jace:What is it?
Emily:It's an American Girl doll.
She runs up and hugs me.
Jace:Halo helped to. I bought the doll and she bought something else.
I point out the box that has what Halo bought. She takes the paper off and looks at the brown box. She tears the tape off the opening and dumps it onto the table. She looks at Halo and runs up and hugs her.
Emily:Thank you Halo.
Halo:Your welcome.
It was a bunch of things for the doll. One included a gymnastics uniform. Andrew was just looking around.
Jace:Go ahead and open your presents Andy.
He opens his first one and his eyes get wide. He runs up to me and hugs me. He hugs Halo to. Emily puts all her accessories for her doll in the box and she lays the box next to the laundry basket.
It was big to put in the laundry basket. They continue opening presents. I give Halo some presents. I got her a shirt and some jeans. I also got her a new phone case. I got her a necklace and a shirt that looks like mine she has took from me.
     "You can have yours back." She says.
     "Thanks babe." I kiss her cheek. When we are done we pick up and the kids put everything in their rooms.
      "Well like every year you guys were spoiled through and through and you are still getting more." I say. They laugh. Halo got me some stuff to. She got me a watch, hat, and a couple video games. She also got me a worlds best brother shirt. We pack up all of the other presents.
We eat some breakfast and get dressed. We have to be at Anna's around 11:00. We put everything in the car. We decide to take Halo's car. We put the presents, sleds, snow pants, and anything else in the car. We clean the house a little more and then chill.
"Jace." Emily says looking at me.
"Yeah." I say.
"Can you open my dolly?" She asks me.
"Yeah."
"And my clothes?"
"Sure." She hands me the box and I open the doll. I hand it to her and she hugs it. I get her box with the clothes. She waits as I open each outfit. I finally get them done. She takes the outfits and lays them in the box.
She gets a pair of leggings and takes the shoes off. She puts the leggings on and the shoes. I braid the dolls hair since it was so long. We go to Anna's and she brings her doll with her and the clothes.
We get to Anna's and once again the house was warm and welcoming. It smelled of pie and ham. The kids see Chloe and Zac. Chloe has a baby bump now she was wearing a sweater so you couldn't really see it. Emily asks to see it and Chloe shows it to her.
She puts her hand on it and smiled. She shows Chloe her doll and they sit on the floor playing with it. Andrew plays  with Zac and Zane. They soon wanted to go outside. They put their snow pants on and everything else.
We get the sleds and go outside. They play on the hill. Zac and I play on the snow board. We take turns down the hill. Zac falls a couple times and rolls. He falls one time and doesn't move.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah but my nuts aren't." He groans from the bottom of the hill. Anna comes out at this point.
"Might wanna put some ice on that." She says.
"I will be fine." He says.
"Just stick some snow in your pants." I say how at the bottom to help him up. He grabs my ankle and pulls I fall on my butt and back.
"My ass." I say.
"What ass?" He asks.
"Shut up."
"Hahaha." I get up and the kids start throwing snow balls. We throw snow balls at them to. We are careful with Zane. He rolls around. Zac has him eat some snow.
All the kids eat some snow and laugh. When they get runny noses and cold we go in. Anna had hot chocolate and snacks for us. We warm up. When that is done we open presents. The kids got spoiled again we all did.
We got some stuff for the baby and Zane. Emily got a little closet for her doll. It has drawers and a rod in it. It has doors and all that. We put all their presents in the car. What they wanted to play with we left out.
We go in and clean up. We are almost done and I see Zac getting nervous. He and Chloe are standing by the fireplace. It was lit for the wrapping paper. I give Zac a thumbs up and he nods. He hands Chloe a card.
"Read it out loud." He says.
"Okay." She draws it out. She raises an eyebrow then starts reading. "To my beautiful special lady. I know I'm furthest from perfect. I can't do laundry and even though I can cook a meal I hate the dishes it makes. You are an amazing mom to Zane and I couldn't ask for more. I know this letter is in so many different pieces but words can't say how I feel about you. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. You, me, Zane, and the baby. I guess there is only one thing left to ask you at this point." She moves the card and he was on his knee holding a box.
"Chloe before I met you I never thought I could love a girl like I love you. I was so wrong and I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?" He is shaking so bad but I can already see her answer in her eyes. She starts crying he opens the box.
"Yes." He slides the ring on her finger and stands up. We clap for them and they hug. They kiss a couple times. They sit down and she shows us the ring. The kids wanted to see. She shows them.
     "You like it?" He asks her.
     "I love it." She says.
      "When we went to the dinner with your family I asked your dad."
     "You did?" She asks totally shocked.
      "Yeah, he said it was okay obviously."
      "I have to call them."
       "Okay well I'm going to step outside."
     "Okay."
      "I will go with." I say. We go outside and stand on the porch. "Man we never thought you would do that." I tell him.
     "Well me either but I did." He says.
      "I'm happy for you." I say.
      "When are you going to propose?" He asks me.
       "I don't know. I wanna ask Anna because Anna is the one who technically raised her." I say.
      "Yeah Chloe's dad likes me even though he doesn't want to say it. I honestly have been planing to do this before I found out she was pregnant." He says looking down at his feet.
     "Yeah."
      "Our relationship went fast." He says, he couldn't be happier though.
      "Some are like that mine and Halo's isn't going so fast but that's okay. I can get engaged doesn't mean I have to get married right away."
     "Yeah true. I want one thing from you though."
      "What's that?"
      "I want you to be my best man."
      "I can do that."
      "You don't have to if you don't want to."
      "No I want to."
      "Okay."
      "Lets go in."
       "Yeah." We go inside and eat dinner. We spend a couple hours eating and talking. We go home and it was late. We get the kids in bed and Halo and I shower. We get in bed.
     "Well today was a day." She says.
      "Yes it was." I say.
      "I'm tired." She says snuggling into my shoulder.
     "Me to. You wanna know a secret?" I whisper.
      "What did you do?" I ask.
       "No I didn't do anything. I was actually in on Zac's proposal." I tell her.
       "Really."
       "Yeah, he asked me to be his best man. I said yes."
      "Cool."
     "Yeah."
     "Well I say that the kids were spoiled this year."
      "They are spoiled every year."
     "They deserve it though they are good kids."
     "Yeah they are." We decide to call it a night and go to sleep. The next day I wake up and make breakfast. When we are done eating Zac calls me.
     "Hey man what's up?" He says. I hear Zane screaming in the back.
     "Nothing much how bout you?" I ask.
      "Nothing I wanted to know if you wanted to go snowboarding today on the hill we use to go to as kids. I will come get you."
     "Let me ask Halo." I say.
      "Okay." I put the phone down.
      "Hey babe?" I ask.
      "Yes."
      "Zac wants to know if I can go snowboarding?"
      "I don't care."
      "Okay." I put the phone back to my ear.
      "I can go."
      "Okay I will be there around noon I will text you when I'm on my way."
      "Okay sounds good." I go to the garage and get my snowboard. I bring it inside and find all my snow gear. Then I build Emily's closet for her doll.
She has me put it were she wants it and sets it up. I get dressed in my snow gear except my coat. Zac comes. I get in and we go to the hill. It will be good having time for me and him.
Once the baby comes we won't have much time to be idiots together. We get to the top of the hill and get on our boards. We go down. I see a small snow hill and shift to it. I go over it and pop a trick. He has already stopped and I stop next to him.
     "Show off." He says, I grin. We go to the top and go down once more. I hit the hill again. Zac comes down and hits it to. He lands it and so do I. We go back up the hill and he goes down first.
He hits the hill and lands he keeps going. He eventually stops. I go down and hit the hill. There was ice on it I didn't see. I flip in the air with no control. I land on the ground on the back of my legs.
My board comes off my feet and goes flying. I grab my ankle. Zac quickly detaches from his board and runs over to me.
      "Are you okay?" He asks me.
      "No I need to go to the hospital and I need you to call Halo."
     "Okay." He helps me to the car. I start taking layers of clothes off and we go to the hospital. My ankle hurts extremely bad. He calls Halo and she asked if I wanted her to come.
I said no and we get to the hospital. We check in and Zac signs my paperwork. They call me back and he checks it. It was purple and blue. Every once and a while a tear slid down my cheek.
I get X-rays taken of it. It shows that I had broken my ankle. I had broken 2 bones and one in my foot. They put me in a boot. They also put me on crutches. I put my hoodie on and Zac comes to get me.
We go home and I go inside. Zac carries my stuff. I go inside and Halo gasps.
     "What happened?" She asks me. I tell her what happened and she has me sit down. The kids get up from their naps and see what's going on. I tell them what happened. They all looked shocked. Emily started crying.
     "It's okay I will be okay."  I soothe her.
     "Really?" She asks sniffling.
     "Yeah and I will still make it to your competition." She smiles and hugs me.
      "Really!"
      "Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for the world."
       "When will it come off?" Andrew asks me.
      "I don't know."
     "I'm going to head out."
     "Okay." He leaves and Halo gets the kids a snack. I get up and use the bathroom. I go to the kitchen. Halo had started dinner.
     "Will you go sit down?" She asks me.
     "No."
     "Yeah go sit."
      "Fine." I go to the living room. I sit down and she brings me some pain medicine. I take it and we watch some tv. I fall asleep from today and wake up for dinner. I go to work tomorrow and the kids go to Anna's.
      "I will pack your lunch." Halo says.
      "You don't have to." I challenge.
      "Jace." She says seriously.
      "Halo." I say.
      "I can do it."
      "So can I if I need you I will tell you." I say being stubborn.
      "Okay." I get up and grab stuff to make my lunch. Halo comes in the kitchen and gets things for me. I make my lunch. She makes hers and we put them in the fridge.
She gets the kids ready for bed. They go to bed and I fold some laundry. I have Halo put it away. She hangs her work uniform up. She gets me clothes for tomorrow.
I decide to go to bed. I get my pjs on. I brush my teeth and get in bed. Halo comes in soon. She lays down and I quickly fall asleep. The next day I wake up and get dressed. I get ready and leave.
I can't drive until I get off the crutches so I'm going to be screwed for a while. We get to work and I get inside. I sit down at my office and get to work. Over the next week I struggle. I hurt all over and I'm often grouchy.
Halo gets most of it and is trying to keep me calm. I'm more patient with the kids. I feel bad because I don't realize I lashed out until after I did.
On top of it I don't feel good. I have had a headache all the time and a sore throat. I'm miserable. I have been taking medicine after medicine to find some relief.
I can't seem to find it though and I'm moody. I can tell Halo is close to her breaking point. If that happens I don't know what I will do. I have spent the night at Zac's but with everything going on with him and me being nearly helpless I felt like a bother to him.
Him and Chloe are looking for a new house and starting to buy things for the baby. Plus they have Zane and wedding plans. It is Tuesday and the kids have school. I have work and Halo and I are in a argument.
     "What do you want me to do about it Jace!" She asks her voice getting loud.
     "I don't fucking know!" I yell.
     "Stop it." She says getting mad.
     "Stop what?"
      "Stop what you are doing I am trying to have a conversation with you."
     "I don't care!"
     "You better care."
      "Well I don't."
     "I don't see where this is going." She says. She throws her hands up.
     "Me either."
     "Take some more Tylenol and go to bed. I can't help you don't feel good."
      "It don't do anything I have told you that! How many times do I have to say it to you!"
      "THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU! Figure it out yourself asshole." She walks out of the room and down the hall.
     "Fuck." I sit there for a minute and then go back to our bedroom. She has just gotten off the phone.
     "I'm going to my mom's for the night."
      "Why?"
      "Because you are being an asshole and I'm done dealing with it. For a whole damn week I have put up with your shit and I'm done. You yell at me for everything. Even the kids don't want to be by you." She grabs her bag and starts throwing stuff in it. She doesn't fold she just shoves it in.
      "Halo-" She cuts me off.
      "No don't you dare start. I get it you are hurting and you don't feel good but that doesn't give you any right to act the way you are acting all the damn time. I'm done dealing with it and I wanna leave." She zips her bag and walks through where I am standing. Before she leaves she looks at me.
      "You wanna know who you are acting like?" She says.
       "Not really." I say not making eye contact.
       "Your acting just like Derek." She says it with pure hate in her voice she walks past me and I know there is no use. She won't listen and I can't stop her from going.
     "I'm sorry."
     "You better be." Seconds later I hear the front door. I go to the living room and see her pull out. A tear rolls down my cheek and I hear the kids come out. I swipe it away.
     "Where is Halo going?" Emily asks me.
      "She is going to see her mommy for tonight."
      "Why?"
      "She misses her mommy." Andrew comes running down the hall and falls he starts crying and I go to him fast as I can. I move my crutches and pick him up. I limp to the kitchen and set him on the counter.
     "Emily go brush your teeth honey." I tell her.
     "Okay." I calm Andrew down and help him get ready for bed. It was a challenge but I finally manage to do it. He gets in bed.
      "Is Halo going to come home tomorrow?" He asks me.
      "I don't know we will have to see." I say.
      "I love her Jace. I don't want her to leave."
      "I know sweetie I know. I will fix it."
I go to Emily's room and she gets in bed. I give her a hug and kiss. I leave her room and close the door. I go to my room and sit on the floor against the bed.
I put my head in my hands. Her words keep going through my mind. You are just like Derek. It repeats over and over again. It won't go away. She left.
I don't know how I will do what I need to tomorrow I can't get to work on my own. I will have to figure it out. So many things go through my mind. Have I lost her forever? I can't live with myself if I did.
She is my world and everything to me. If I lose her I lose everything. The worst part is I'm helpless. I'm a sitting duck waiting for the sharks to come and there is nothing I can do to save myself.
I start crying. I cry like I did when I lived with my dad. Soon I can't breath and I have to lay on my back. I lay on the floor and catch my breath. I look at the time and give up.
I grab the blanket that is hanging off the bed and cover myself up. I fall asleep. If one thing is for sure it's that if I lost her forever I will never forgive myself.