We Are Free

Settling In

Morning comes and I get up not afraid of anything. I still feel so much better. I am kinda groggy but awake. My phone goes off and I look at it then answer it. It is Anna.
"Hello." I say.
"Hi did I wake you?" She says concerned.
"No not at all."
​ "Okay I just wanted to see how everything is going."
"It's going we slept here last night and we are all finished with everything."
"That's wonderful I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks."
"I wanted to call because I wanted to tell you that Emily left her teddy bear here last night. I found it this morning."
"Okay....um I have to take her to the doctor for her arm I can stop by and grab it."
​​​​​​ "When?"
​​ "Friday."
"Okay sounds good."
"Okay unless you wanted to come by and see the house you could bring it with you."
"That sounds wonderful when would be a good time?"
"1:00ish."
"Okay see you then."
​​​​ "Yup bye."
​​​​​ "Bye." I get out of bed and use the bathroom. I start making breakfast. I make eggs, bacon, toast, and some fruit the kids get up. I put Emily's sling on her arm. They sit at the table and we eat.
"We have to go to the gas station and the store." I tell them.
"Why?" Andrew asks me.
"I need to get gas and we need more food."
"Okay." Emily gets up from the table and comes back a few minutes later in tears
​​ "What's wrong?" I ask her.
"My teddy bear is gone." She says pointing to her room.
"Don't worry Anna has it she is going to bring it later today." I say as she walks to me. She lays her arms on my lap.
"Really?" She says looking into my eyes.
"Really and she is taking very good care of your teddy bear." I say wiping her tears with a napkin.
"Okay." She nods her head.
"Finish breakfast and we will get our shopping done and you will see your teddy bear." I wipe her face and she stops crying.
"Okay.
"You want a hug?"
"Yeah."
"Okay." I give her a hug and she wraps her good arm around my neck then she gets down off my lap and sits down to eat again. I help her in her chair. After breakfast I get them dressed. I get dressed.
Once I'm dressed we head out to the gas station. I fill up the gas tank and go inside to pay for it I grab each of them a sucker. I leave and give them their suckers and head to the store. I put Emily in the basket and Andrew in the seat.
I get lots of food for the house. We leave the store and go home I unload the car. The kids hand stuff to me as I fill the fridge, pantry, and cabinets. I make lunch for them.
Right as I set them at the table I hear a knock at the door. I open it and Anna stood there with Emily's teddy bear in hand.
"Hi." I say to her.
"Hi."
"Come in."
"Okay." She walks to the table.
"Did someone miss this?"
"My teddy thank you."
"Your welcome."
" You got all the stains out I could never get them out it looks brand new how?" I say shocked. My jaw almost on the ground.
"Well, when Halo was a little girl she had a teddy bear like that one and she took it everywhere. It got so dirty I thought I would have to throw it away and get her a new one without her knowing it, but I found this special soap and how to make it, washed the bear in it once. It came out looking brand new and she still has the bear to, I thought I'd give that bear some new shine and sparkle."
"Well thanks."
"Yeah and I wrote down the recipe for you thought you might need it." She hands me a piece of paper with the recipe on it.
"Thanks this will come in handy she takes that everywhere with her it's the only thing she has left of my mom. That was the last thing she got from her before she died for her 3rd birthday fell in love it as soon as she saw it, after she died I can't take it from her."
"Yeah I don't blame her there is just some things a girl needs her mother for and she don't have that any more. It's sad, thank goodness she has you."
"Yeah but she also has you and Halo to."
"That's true but still, alright show me the house." I laugh a little bit and so doesn't she.
"Well this is the living room." I show her the house and we end up in the living room.
"You and Zac did a good job. What happened with Kevin?" She asks at the end.
"We went there he wasn't home. I took what was mine and left I didn't clean nothing I took everything that we owned nothing more nothing less and we got out of there."
"That's good I'm happy for you."
"I just want to thank you again for watching them other wise we wouldn't be here today. I don't wanna ruin Zac's house and stuff because of us. I know he don't care but it don't seem fair they aren't his responsibility. They are not his choice or fault and I think he feels that way when he is with us."
"Yeah I think he does to but that means he cares and him caring and knowing he will be there is the greatest reward you could ever have."
"I know and it means a lot to know I have a good support system behind me knowing that means I can do anything."
"Yes it does and I'm proud of both of you."
"Thanks."
"So what will this doctors visit entail?" She asks changing the subject.
"He is going to check her reflexes with her arm and see if the sling can go plus they both need check ups and shots so I'm knocking that out to."
"Okay."
"I'm excited nervous just a whole bunch of things and it's not something I'm looking forward to."
"I can understand that."
"It's hard because most teens are getting boyfriends or girlfriends going to high school maybe working a job. Me well I'm 16 working a full time job, don't go to school, and I'm cluelessly raising two kids I didn't even help bring into this world. I have to if I don't we would all be in foster care in separate homes lucky if we could even see each other and not know when we will be taken where we are going and if we are going to be loved or not. I don't know how to do it and I'm so thankful I have you, Dan, Zac, Halo, and everyone that cares because if I didn't I don't know where I would be." Both me and Anna are crying she gives me a hug.
"You are an amazing young man and even though you didn't help bring these two beautiful children in the world and now you're raising them its not right it's not fair to you, they need you and your mom is so proud of you looking down on you and them. Knowing her babies are okay thanks to you and if she were standing in this room right now she would look at you and say you are so grown up and so mature and that she loves you more than life itself."
"She would wouldn't she."
"Yes she would." I wipe my tears and hug her again she leaves the house and I wash the dishes. I put both kids down for a nap. I just chill before Emily comes out of her room. She was crying and her pants were wet.
"What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare and got scared I went potty in bed."
"It's okay sweetie." I hug her. "Lets clean you up." I take her to her room and have her take her pants and panties off I get her new ones but I put a pull up on her instead. I lay her in my bed with blankets as a wall around her so she don't fall.
I clean her bed and put new sheets on it I wash her wet sheets. I fall asleep on the couch and wake up to chaos. There were toys everywhere and Andrew was throwing things. Emily was nowhere to be seen so I pick Andrew up and put him on the couch.
I check on Emily she was laying in my bed in tears once again holding her bear. I go over to her and hug her I lay in bed with her.
"What's wrong?" I ask her holding her.
"I'm ​​​​sad."
"Why are you sad?"
"I miss mommy."
"I miss mommy to."
"Really."
"Yeah, I miss her."
"Why did she have to die it's not fair. Hearing this brings tears to my eyes. No it wasn't fair but we couldn't stop it. Sometimes I with I would have died instead of her. They are such amazing kids and she deserved to watch them grow up.
​ "No it's not but that's what happened and we have to deal with it. One day you will see her again one day we will all see her again. I'm sure she is so proud of you and how you are such an amazing little girl." I tell her.
"How do you know?"
"I just know I know many things you don't yet and one of those things I know is that she is proud of all of us and she is happy. She is in a better place."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
"I got my teddy."
​​​​ "Yes, you do hang on to your teddy. She will always be with you no matter where you are, whether you have your teddy or not mom is with you at the park, at school, at the store, in the car, at home, at work, at Zac's no matter where you are mom is watching over you. She looking after you guiding you so you grow up to be a kind independent strong young lady. I know I'm not mom but I'm here to."
"Is she watching over you and Andrew?"
"Of course she is she is watching over all of us."
"Do you miss her?"
"Of course I miss her she died when I was 15 you where almost 4 so you don't remember it. I was in the car with her and you and Andrew were at home. She picked me up from basketball practice and we were going to the store. We got hit she was killed and I broke my wrist and hand so bad I needed surgery for it I went through 4 different casts before I was healed and from that day it all went down hill."
"I wish mom would have just broke a bone like you did."
"Me to sweetie me too." We lay there for a bit in silence. I get up and leave the room letting her come out when she is ready. I clean up the mess Andrew made and set him down with a few toys. I start making dinner and Halo knocks on the door I let her in she was wearing her work clothes. We sit at the kitchen table. I get her some juice.
"So your mom stopped by today."
"I herd."
​​​ "She tell you?"
"Yeah she did."
"So how was work."
"Hotter than hell."
"Well now that you are actually wearing jeans you see what the rest of us go through."
"Yeah I will never make fun of you for that again."
"Aren't you sweet." I say giving her a little fake smile.
"Aren't I." She says giving me a fake smile back.
"It only took you a year."
​ "Shut up, well I started seeing someone."
"What's her name?"
"Your an ass."
"That's in interesting name." I say then start laughing.
"You wait I will get your ass soon enough."
​​ "Yeah, I'm more scared of Emily."
"She can be a scary little thing but anyway his name is Derek."
"That man-whore we use to go to school with?" I say stopping in my tracks and looking at her.
"Jace!" She says.
"It's true he slept with nearly every girl in the school except you and a few others he even got with the guys the straight ones to. All he is going to do is hurt you. He is going to get in your pants get what he wants and leave and if you don't let him in your pants he will find another girl and get rid of you."
"Well I don't believe it and I wanna try."
​​​​​ "Okay but when he leaves you or takes what he wants and leaves I will say I told you so then comfort you."
"Okay Jace whatever you say it's been a year he could have changed."
"Men like him don't change look at my dad. My dad was the same way only with beer and he couldn't stop. He got clean for my mom cheated on her multiple times she died and he went back to his old ways. I'm just trying to protect you."
"I love that about you but I'm a big girl I can take care of myself."
"I know, I will leave you and him alone but I will be here. If he hurts you I swear you better have bail money."
"I know that." She laughs a little bit. "If he hurts me, I didn't see anything." We laugh a little bit.
"Well how long have you been with this guy?"
"A few weeks I just didn't want him to think that I was going to cheat with you or Zac and that everything was cool."
​​​ "Okay that's understandable."
"How's the new house?"
"It's going the kids have adjusted quite a bit in a short amount of time. I have noticed that they feel more free and happy and like they can do whatever."
"That's good they seem happier I can tell."
"Yeah." We talk for a while and she leaves I get dinner on the table. Friday comes around and I take them both to the doctor. Emily gets her sling off three shots and a check up.
Andrew gets two shots which he wasn't happy about I held him while the doctor gave them to him. Emily closed her eyes but did good. Andrew got a check up and they each got a sticker and a sucker. I take them to lunch as a treat. After lunch we go home.
Monday I go back to work as usual. I missed it going to work and seeing everyone. I'm glad I'm back. While I'm working on a car I'm under it working on the breaks. Halo comes up to me and crawls under it with me.
"How's it going?" I say to her.
"Good I don't have a car to work on at the moment."
"Good you can help me."
"Okay."
"How's it going with your man-whore."
"Stop it."
"Just asking."
"It's going good he took me to dinner last night."
"Have you met his mom?"
"No, not yet he says he isn't ready for that."
"Hmmmmmm good luck with that."
"I can tell that was sarcastic."
"You know me so well hand me the 3 quarters wrench." She hands me the wrench I tighten down a bolt.
"What does your mom think?"
"She thinks it's good."
"Does she know he is a man-whore?"
"She knows he use to be."
"Use to be please don't make me laugh." I say rolling my eyes.
"Stop it you ass hole."
​​​​ "Well takes one to know one."
"You can be a dick you know that."
"Okay just because I have one doesn't mean I am one."
"You are what you eat." I open my mouth to say something but I can't think if anything.
"I told you I would get you back." I roll out from under the car.
"Zac did you just hear her?"
"No." He says looking up from his hood.
"She called me a dick and I said just because I have one doesn't mean I am one. She replied with you are what you eat." He comes over and high fives Halo.
"No no no who's side you on?" I ask giving them my really face.
"Hers."
"If that's the case no wonder Derek is a dick." Zac and I start laughing. She rolls her eyes and goes to help a costumer.
"She with that man-whore Derek?"
"Yeah I told her she was going to get hurt but she didn't listen to me."
"She has to learn on her own. She is either going to give it to him or not. Either way he will leave her."
"I know, I just don't wanna see her hurt" After work I go home with the kids as soon as I get home I put the kids down to play and put on some baggy boxer briefs and a bed shirt. I make dinner and we eat. I bathe the kids.
I get them down for bed and do some chores. I go to bed myself. Wednesday after work we go outside to the yard. I get the soccer ball and we kick it around. We have fun laughing and kicking the ball. We play for about an hour.
"Ace I'm hungry." Andrew tells me rubbing his belly.
"You're hungry?"
"Me to." Me to Emily says.
"Okay let's go make dinner."
"Yay." They both say. I take them inside and make dinner. We sit down and eat.
"Did you have fun?" I ask them.
"Yeah." Emily says as she takes a drink of her juice.
"Yeah." Andrew says smiling at me.
"That's good." I say to them. I bathe them I put them down for bed. I put on some baggy shorts and a tank top. I do some chores and head to bed. Friday after work I make dinner we eat dinner then hike in the woods until it's about dark then we head back to the house I bathe them and get them to bed.
I go to bed myself and have a nightmare so bad I couldn't wake myself up. I wanted to wake up so bad and I couldn't it was so scary and so real that it felt real it felt like I wasn't going to make it out. I wake up with a jolt and sit straight up I'm breathing heavy.
I feel my upper body I was covered in sweat and scared half to death I get out of bed and realize I had wet the bed. My shorts where wet and my sheets and blanket were wet to.
Before I even think about cleaning my bed I take my pants and boxers off and put on new shorts no boxers. I tiptoe into the kitchen and living room. No one was there my heart kinda slows down. I am so paranoid.
I go back to my room and look at the time it was 4:00 in the morning. I put my sheets in the washer and clean my bed I put new ones on and get back in bed but I don't go back asleep.
I lay there thinking about the dream. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm scared and I don't want to have to be. I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes the only thing that comes out is tears. I wipe my eyes and go to sleep.