The Struggles in Life

I need to stop

What have I done,

Don't tell me I did nothing wrong,

I can see you shaking,

I hear your voice crack like the fading thunder,

Why do I do this to you,

I didn't fucking mean for this to happen,

What has happened to our friendship,

It feels broken now,

I just need to stop pulling you on to this path,

You're  doing better than I am,

You even have people to talk to,

But i'm nothing special, 

I hurt you,

I can't help you let alone help myself,

I'm fading faster than you realize,

I know I said i'm staying for you and her,

But this life is killing me,

And I still trying dragging you done with me,

I fucking need to stop that,

I just need to let go of everything,

I can't let go of you though,

So when I say i'm letting go,

I mean I'm letting go of life,

And darling I know your going to end up reading this,

And I know you know it's about you by how I worded things,

But I don't really care right now,

I am suffering but hiding it with a smile,

And I have to especially now,

I mean tomorrow is Christmas,

I just Can't do this anymore,

sometimes I can fake a smile,

Sometimes I can't,

This life is getting the best of me,

But as I said I need to stop,

And I am going to stop,

I'm not going to drag you with me any longer,

I can't stand seeing you hurt because of me,

I know you can't return these words,

But you are my love,

You always have been sense Day One,

I can't live without you,

But I know you can live with out me, 

You have her,

and Your strong, beautiful, amazing, a child of God,

And so much more,

 you can live this life with out me,

  I'm sorry love,

I know this kinda sounds like a suicide note,

But I guess in a sense it is,

Because I'm not going to tell if and when i'm going to do it,

Because I don't want you to know that I did it,

I don't want to be stopped,

And if I go though with it,

I can be played of as we drifted apart, or I got busy,

Okay love I can't end this about me ending my life,

but i don't know where else to go with this poem thing,

So I will keep writing,

She has the the most amazing green blue eyes,

And they have splashes of grey in them,

 she stands tall and firm,

and with her dish water  blonde hair blowing in the wind that's not even there,

She is beautiful in every way,

I just can't explain it all,

I love you darling,

And for everyone one else if you stayed long enough to get here,

sorry for you hearing my rant and complain about life,

Stay strong all of you <3 you are loved and cared for in so may ways even if you all don't see it, you and are beautiful ladies and awesome handsome men ( if don't know who reads this) but everyone you have so much to live for I wish I could say the same about myself. I will continue writing a little before I decide what the fuck i'm doing. and they won't be like this one anymore I think htis was one of my worst written. but stay true to yourself