Undying Love (A Jily Fanfiction)

Chapter 41: Realization

(A/N: Some of you are probably wondering why the update's so soon. Well, my grandma passed away a few hours ago and I am beyond myself with grief. I couldn't even see her one last time so I'm updating here, in a country not my own, and hopefully push away some of the weary sadness.)

James' gaze flickered from the sword to Snape's greedy eyes, then Lily's horrorstruck ones as she shook her head frantically.

The jagged end of Bellatrix' dagger pressed against the exposed skin of her throat. "Quickly, Potter. We don't have all day."

Lily's eyes were unwavering from his, silently pleading with him to do the right thing. He had tried doing the right thing before, with it resulting in both his and hers heartbreak.

"Oh, for God's sake," someone from the back snapped and stepped up. "Crucio."

For a brief moment, he was thankful that Bellatrix had silenced Lily so he couldn't hear her screams, sounds that would surely haunt him forever. She writhed on the floor, her eyes shut tight.

"Stop that!" He yelled, panicked.

The Death Eater that cast the spell looked towards Bellatrix for confirmation, and she nodded. Lily's movements died down to shakes.

"The sword, Potter. We wouldn't ask so nicely next time."

"You have a strange definition of nice."

"Would you like to see more examples?"

"No, thank you."

"Thought so. Sword?"

James' fingers tightened around the hilt, unsure of his course. His hand slipped inside the pockets of his robes again in desperation, and found something else that probably wasn't about to be of much use instead. Once, it would have been easy. He would've given anything to do the right things and be the hero of his generation, but now...

Lily, his life seemed to revolve around her, like the moon endlessly circling the fascinating Earth, but always at arm's reach. If he did the right thing and handed the sword over, Lily would live, and hate him for the rest of her life. He knew her enough to know that she would never tolerate his actions. But if he hadn't handed it over, the Death Eaters would kill Lily, and that was a huge sacrifice to make in the name of justice.

Lily living and hating him, or Lily dead?

That was not an easy choice.

He knew a man as ardently in love with a woman as him should not hesitate to put her life in front, but if that meant having such a guilty conscience and letting the Dark Lord have his way, were his actions still justified?

He found his brain turning to mush. A decision had to be made, and he was too tired to make one.

"Remind me again why we can't just put hin under the imperius curse?" Rodolphus was whining.

"Hush, darling. You know full well why." Bellatrix said in annoyance. "I'm giving you three seconds, Potter. You'd better come up with a satisfactory answer, or your girlfriend here suffers."

James bit back the remark about Lily no longer being his girlfriend.

"Three!"

So what was it going to be?

"Two!"

A guilty conscience but unbroken heart?

"One-and-a-half!"

Or a clear conscience as he lived out the rest of his days pining after someone who resembled Lily to soothe his heartache?

"One!"