I Need Saving [A Bensler FanFic- Editing]

Chapter 4 [Edited]

Cragen let me go home early to see the girls the first few nights that I worked. We were busy, but not nearly enough for me to stay late with everyone else.

"I'm home," I called as I entered the apartment. Maureen had been cuddling Emily, so she sat her on the ground and my daughter came running towards me.

"Mommy! Hi!" Emily exclaimed as she tossed herself at my legs. I picked her up quickly and hugged her tightly.

"How were the girls today? Where's Faith?" I asked as Maureen walked to where Emily and I stood.

"Faith is still sleeping, but I can go wake her if you'd like," Maureen offered, but I shook my head.

"Nah, it's fine. So, how were they?" I asked again, as we moved from the entryway and to the couch.

"Emily was good once she calmed down, but Faith was really fussy," Maureen replied with a frown.

"Really? That doesn't sound like her at all... I'm going to go check on her and make sure she doesn't have a fever or anything."

I walked into the room that Faith and Emily shared before leaning down and lifting my baby from her crib. I leaned close and kissed her forehead softly before looking at her pale little face. Moving quickly to the changing table, I dug around and pulled the thermometer out. Once I checked her temperature, I let out a small gasp and started to gather things.

"Hey, baby. What's happening?" Elliot asked once he answered my call. I quickly tucked my daughter into her carrier before leaving her room.

"I'm taking Faith to the hospital," I spoke.

"What, why?" Elliot demanded.

"She has a fever of well over one hundred and two..." I replied, tears burning my eyes. Maureen jumped up as those words left my throat.

"I'll be there in five minutes... Is Mo still there? Can she watch Em?" Elliot asked as I heard his chair slam back.

"El-"

"This is our baby we are talking about. I'll be there no matter what," Elliot replied, as I sat the carrier on the coffee table.

"I'll see you there," I replied quietly before hanging up.

"What's wrong? Liv-"

"Can you stay with Emily for a while? I have to get going right now."

"O-of course. I-i'm sorry-" Maureen started, but I interrupted her.

"There is nothing to apologize for. Dad or I will call you when we have an update. I love you both," I blurted, before kissing Emily's forehead.

---

My little girl was having severe kidney issues. They weren't doing their job at all, and she was getting worse by the minute. She had several IVs coming from her body, at least one with antibiotics for the infection along with one of fluids. However, her tiny body was failing her.

"How are you handling this?" Elliot asked quietly, as he passed me a bottle of water. We were sitting outside of Faith's room as she slept. Nurses and doctors kept coming in and out of our daughter's room, so it felt crowded.

"She's only three months old, El. She's just a baby and she shouldn't be this sick," I whispered.

"She'll be fine, Liv. Faith is a little fighter, and this won't take her down," Elliot replied with a soft smile.

"Elliot, I'm so scared that we will lose her. She survived all of those beatings, but what if she isn't strong enough to survive her own body failing?" I whispered.

Elliot wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we sat together and quietly watched as people walked past. Tears slipped down my cheeks as I turned into Elliot. I felt so useless, especially since my daughter sat only feet away and there was nothing I could do to heal her.

---

"Liv, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss," Casey whispered, as she sat down beside me. I was numb and staring straight ahead, tears running freely down my cheeks.

"Thanks, Case," Elliot answered for me, as he squatted down. He grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Elliot, do you want me to keep Emily again tonight? I'd love to help out anywhere that I can," Casey offered. Elliot looked away from me and nodded towards my friend.

"Thanks, Casey. I'd appreciate it... We need to get going. Would you mind going ahead? We have to get to the luncheon before going to the burial," Elliot spoke. Casey caressed my hair for a moment before standing and leaving us alone in the church.

"Babe, we should get going," Elliot spoke, but all I could muster was a shake of my head.

Elliot watched me for a moment before gently touching my cheek.

"Liv-"

"I don't wanna go," I mumbled.

"We need to go, Liv. C'mon, I'll help you up," Elliot breathed. 

I gave in to Elliot's request because I didn't want to say another word. I didn't feel like breathing, eating, or even thinking. All I wanted to do was sleep because the hours when I was sleeping meant that I wasn't thinking about my baby girl being dead.

Faith had jumped to the top of the kidney transplant list not long before she passed. They gave her a new kidney that was supposed to save her, but she died from complications from the surgery. I held her as she died, and the moment her heart stopped, mine broke into a million pieces.

I didn't even realize that Elliot had put me in the car until he was helping me out. We were having a small luncheon at a hall with Elliot's kids, Emily, a few handfuls of acquaintances, and the squad. I didn't want to see anyone, but I had to face them all. They supported me through so much, and I needed them again.

"Mommy!" Emily exclaimed when she saw me. My toddler was so innocent. She couldn't even process that her baby sister was dead and that I was broken.

"Hey, baby," I whispered, as Kathleen passed her to me. I snuggled her close and placed soft kisses on her brown curls.

---

After the luncheon, we received the condolences of those who had attended. We left and went to the cemetery. A small hole was dug and Faith's casket sat above it. When I processed the fact my little girl's body was in that casket, I felt ill. Elliot had me sit down in a chair before placing Emily on my lap. I held her tightly as everyone got settled before turning to Elliot.

"Can you take her?" I asked, my voice shaking. Elliot didn't get to respond before I shoved our daughter onto his lap and quickly stood.

I ran back to our car and got sick right beside it. I leaned heavily against the rear end of the car as my body shook. I felt so embarrassed, but also incredibly upset.

"Are you okay?" Fin asked quietly.

"No, I'm not okay. My daughter is dead and there was nothing I could do to stop it!" I screamed as I turned to look at Fin. He knew I wasn't angry at him, but I just broke and couldn't stop myself.

"I know it hurts, Liv. Faith was so damn sweet," Fin replied.

"She never made it to her first birthday! Why the fuck did they have to take her? Did I do something to deserve this?!" I sobbed as I leaned heavily into my friend.

"You didn't do a damn thing, Liv. She was so sick, and no one knew that she'd pass."

"How didn't I realize she wasn't feeling well? I'm her mother! I was supposed to protect her!" I sobbed. Fin wrapped his arms around my body and held me close.

"You are an amazing mother, but even mothers like you couldn't have stopped this," Fin breathed.

"How do I move on? I don't even know if Elliot and I could ever have a life together... I'm just so... broken," I whispered.

"Broken or not, Elliot loves you and Em. Right now, it might not seem like it, but you are still Olivia Benson, the badass of the NYPD."