I Need Saving [A Bensler FanFic- Editing]

Chapter 38

I can remember the look on my husband's face when he found out. The tears that stung my eyes as I told him were slowly killing me.

"He's what?" Elliot breathed, his voice shaky.

"He's dead, babe. I'm so sorry." I breathed, the tears finally escaping.

"No." He whimpered, and he broke down into sobs. I quickly went to his side and held him as his body shook. 

"He can't be!" He sobbed, and more tears ran down my cheeks.

"Babe, I'm so sorry." I chocked. We sat for awhile before a small voice interrupted us.

"Why are you crying?" Noah questioned, and I frowned.

"Baby, go back to your room. I'll be up in a few minutes." I replied.

He walked slowly up the stairs, and I turned back to Elliot, and I placed my lips to the top of his head.

"I should go tell them." I breathed, and he shook his head.

"Don't leave me." He whimpered.

---

"Dickie is really gone?" Emily breathed, her green eyes full of tears.

"Yes, I'm sorry baby." I breathed, and she looked down at her hands, a few tears landing on them. I grabbed her arm and gently tugged her towards me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and she joined me in the crying. Noah and Serena were cuddled next to me, each crying. Serena didn't know what really was happening, other than that her big brother wasn't coming back.

They all cried themselves to sleep, and I covered them up in my bed, and headed back towards the nursery so I could feed Gabe. When I was done, I found Elliot in the kitchen, four beers already surrounding him.

"Babe, maybe you should call Kathy." I breathed, and he shook his head.

"No. I want to be alone." He slurred. I nodded and walked towards him. I kissed his hair and then turned and left.

"Dickie." He whimpered over and over again as I climbed up the stairs.

---

Dickie was killed in a head on collision with a semi truck. He was killed on impact. I drove Elliot to the ME's office so he could identify the body with Kathy, and when he came out, Kathy was leaning on him for support. I stood and ran my hands over my pants, and Kathy looked at me with pained eyes.

"He was so young." She cried, and tears stung my eyes again.

"Kathy, if there is anything I can do for you, just tell me." I replied, and Elliot shook his head.

"Liv, I'm going to drive her home." Elliot breathed, and I nodded slowly.

"Alright. I'll go pick up the kids from school and daycare." I replied, but he didn't respond. I walked out and headed to get the kids.

I picked all four of them up and took them home, where Amanda was parked out front.

"Amanda?" I questioned, as I climbed out, and she climbed out too.

"Hey. How is everyone holding up?"She questioned and I shrugged.

"Not good. The kids can't sleep, and Elliot is drinking again. Gabe is fussy because everyone else is upset." I replied, and she frowned.

"The kids could come stay with us for a bit." She offered, and I shook my head.

"Thanks, but I don't want to force three kids off on you when Jesse is still so small." I replied.

"Alright, well why don't we come up and sit with you all for awhile?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes, please."

---

Amanda stayed with us for a few hours, then went home, and I was stuck with the kids. I was thankful for our new house, because then we could all get some quiet time if needbe. 

I bathed Serena and Gabe, and made sure the others got ready for bed, then I tucked them in. Elliot still wasn't home by the time I was ready for bed. I texted him and called him, but he never did respond.

---

"Where is Daddy?" Serena questioned, and I shrugged.

"I don't know, Rena. But you are going to be at daycare, so you won't be worrying." I replied, and she frowned.

"But I miss Daddy. I want the old Daddy back." She replied, and my breath hitched, and I bit my lip.

"I know baby, but he's upset right now. We just need to let him be upset." I stated. She nodded and we went silent again. I took the kids to daycare and headed into the precinct.

"Liv? What are you doing here?" Nick asked, and I sighed.

"I need to work." I replied.

"Your step son was just killed. Take some time off." Nick replied, and I turned to look at him.

"Back the hell off." I growled, before storming off.

He found me a few minutes later in the locker room, my head hung in my hands as I sobbed. He sat down and pulled me into an embrace, and I sobbed into his chest. It took awhile for the sobs to end, and once it did, I was exhausted.

"Liv, wanna talk?" He asked.

"About what?" I mumbled, and he frowned.

"Come on. Anything." He stated.

"I feel like I'm a single parent. I can't show my weakness around the kids, nor El because then everyone else is crying. I haven't seen my husband since he left with Kathy yesterday, and even in this situation, I'm jealous." I breathed, and he nodded slowly, his hand still on my back.

"Liv, he isn't doing anything with Kathy." He spoke, but I was still nervous about it.

"You never know, Nick. He's cheated on Kathy before, so what would stop him from doing the same to me?"

"The love you have? The children you have?" He started, but I shook my head.

"Nick, he loved her. They had children. Now help me." I breathed. He and I sat in silence. 

He couldn't help me. He couldn't soothe the pain I had, nor could he tell me that my husband is faithful to me. I have worked as an officer for a long time, and I've seen how families are broken apart after a child is killed. Fathers and mothers cheat on their spouses and children get split up from each other, and only get to see each other on certain holidays. I couldn't have that happen to my family. I wanted to protect it, but I'm not the Olivia I used to be, I don't know if I still have it in me.

Hey guys. If you couldn't guess, I have the dark and twisties again. Sorry. So um, thanks for reading. Vote/Comment/Share! <3