I Need Saving [A Bensler FanFic- Editing]

Chapter 26 [Edited]

Even after speaking with Dr. Brown, I still felt weak. There was no connection to Serena, and I didn't know if there ever would be. Entering my house, I heard absolute silence. There wasn't a TV or radio on, and I felt that silence surround me. I could try to think about what Dr. Brown and I talked about without worrying about what Elliot might ask. 

After finding a note from my husband about taking our baby to run errands, I picked up the living room and then took a long, hot shower upstairs. By the time I was done, Elliot was back with Serena. My little girl was sleeping in her bouncer while her father put away groceries in the kitchen.

"Hey, babe! How was the session?" Elliot asked when he caught me staring at Serena. If therapy wouldn't help, I would need to force myself to bond with my baby.

"It was fine... Was she good?" I asked weakly. Elliot shook his head as he walked over and smiled proudly at our sleeping daughter.

"She was a little angel, Liv. If I didn't have my wedding band on, I'm pretty sure this little one would've gotten me all the chicks," Elliot laughed. I gave him a weak smile as I looked back at our daughter.

"Good thing you had it on," I breathed. Elliot stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my body, his lips pressing a soft kiss to mine.

"She missed you today, babe," Elliot said as he looked over my shoulder at our sleeping daughter.

"Yeah?"

"She got a little fussy at one point, so I covered her with one of your t-shirts. She calmed right down," Elliot breathed. I swallowed hard as tears burned my eyes, before leaning down and unbuckling our daughter. I lifted her slowly from her bouncer and snuggled her against my chest. Kissing her soft head, I walked up the stairs and knew it was time to bond.

///

Elliot found me crying in Serena's room, my baby resting in my arms as I rocked in the chair. I felt something when I sat down and focused solely on her, but it wasn't the same feeling I had when I looked at Emily and Noah. I wasn't as overwhelmed with love for Serena as I was with the other kids. But I knew that feeling was there deep down, I just needed to find it.

"Babe?" Elliot asked.

"If we lost Serena, no matter how broken I feel right now... I'd be so lost. I wouldn't know what to do because the little girl I survived so much with would be gone," I whispered.

"One day of therapy got you this far?" Elliot asked, and I quickly shook my head.

"No, this is me. I've had a lot of time to think lately, and I know it'll take time, but I do love her. I've changed since we lost Faith, and I'm so scared we will lose this little girl too," I breathed.

"We won't lose her, Liv. If she's anything like you, she'll be so strong... maybe a troublemaker too," Elliot said with a soft smile.

"We are going to be exhausted by the time she graduates."

///

It didn't take long for my feelings to change, and I fell in love with my baby just like I did her big sister and brother. Being happy made the time fly, and before I knew it, Serena had been a part of our family for one year. My babies were getting bigger and I was scared, but happy.

"Liv, come back to bed," Elliot yawned as he came into Serena's room. 

"Soon," I replied softly. Elliot placed his hand against my lower back as he looked at our baby sleep.

"She's exhausted after today."

"She ate so much sugar, the crash was much bigger than expected," I said with a soft smile.

"Do you want her to join us in bed?" Elliot asked.

"No, because if she wakes up, she won't fall back asleep," I said with a soft sigh. Leaning down, I kissed my daughter's forehead before heading back to our room with my husband in tow.

"Serena is one..." Elliot trailed off as he shut our bedroom door.

"Yes, she is. We kinda celebrated that milestone today," I yawned as I climbed into bed.

"Maybe we should start trying again," Elliot said, smiling.

"We aren't having another baby right now. Our schedule is already full, and I don't want to be pregnant again," I sighed.

"C'mon! I want another baby!" Elliot exclaimed as I rolled my eyes.

"I know you do, but not right now," I replied. Elliot slipped closer to me and pressed his lips to my neck. I groaned as I shoved him back and closed my eyes.

"Baby," Elliot whined.

"Goodnight, El. I love you."

///

The next morning, Elliot and I got called into Cragen's office for a case. He took a breath before pulling out a sticky note with the information he had.

"We have a victim at St. Joseph's," He breathed.

"What's wrong? Is this a special victim?" I asked.

"The victim is Emily's age," Cragen replied. I swallowed hard as I started to feel ill.

"She's seven..." Elliot trailed off with a frown.

"Yes. Are you two up for this?" He asked.

"We've got it," I replied quickly.

Elliot drove us to the hospital as I scrolled through pictures of my three kids. This case wouldn't be easy, but I wanted to make things better for the little girl who was so incredibly hurt.

"Are you going to be okay?" Elliot asked.

"I'm more determined than ever," I whispered.