Lost In The Moment

Eight

"Ahh France," Jen sighed, sitting down in front of me, and I nodded and tapped the butt of my pen on the paper.
"Wanna get some fresh French pastries with me?" She asked and I sighed, looking up at her.
"Not particularly," I said and she nodded.
"Suit yourself," she said getting up, "I'll bring you some." I nodded, going back to the paper.
I know how cliche it sounds but it really isn't you it's me.
Ever since I was a kid I've had this sorta fear that if I let someone in my life, romantically, I'd somehow be less of an independent human being.
I really like you Nate, really, and I'm sorry that fear has to win this time.
I hope we can still be friends
Yours truly,
Kelsey.
I sighed and read over what I'd written before crumbling up the page and throwing it onto the floor.

Nate's POV
"She's been sitting at the table since she got up," Jen said and I nodded, not really listening. "Maybe you could talk to her...?" She asked and I looked at her.
"Honestly, I think I'll only make it worse," I said and she nodded, picking up a beautiful silver chain with a butterfly hanging off it.
"Ooo! She'd love this!" She exclaimed and I nodded, imagining what's it look like on Kelsey.
"I bet she would," I said casually and Jen scoffed.
"Get it for her," she said suddenly and I looked from the necklace to Jen.
"What?" I asked and she nodded, handing it to me.
"You said yourself she'd love it," she said as if that justified me buying Kelsey a necklace.
"No, I can't," I said handing it back but Jen just turned and looked around.
"Excuse me? Sir? Do you work here?" She asked and I looked at the shelf in front of me.
"Yes, is there something I could help you with?" The guy asked and Jen nodded.
"Yea, my friend here would like to buy this necklace for his girlfriend," she said and I looked at her.
"My what?!" I asked and she shrugged.
"Ah yes, very popular one with the lady's," the store clerk said, gingerly taking the necklace from me.
"Yea she likes butterflies," I said and Jen smiled.
"That's the spirit," she said to me and I shot her an I'll-deal-with-you-later look.

"Just give it to her and figure out what's wrong, that's all I'm asking," Jen said once we were out of the shop.
"What makes you think I'll be able to do it?" I asked and she sighed and stopped walking.
"Because she's been like this since you left yesterday," she said almost accusingly.
"Really?" I asked, thinking back to our kiss yesterday, and she nodded.
"Now you're going to fix your goddamn mess or I'm not talking to you ever again," she said and I laughed and started walking again.
"Oh my, well wouldn't that be the worst thing ever," I said sarcastically and she rolled her eyes and walked with me back to the busses.

I walked on the bus and looked around, seeing Kelsey sitting at the table. I walked over and placed the bag on the table, a little harder than I meant to, before sitting down.
"Hey," I said and she looked up and smiled a little.
"Hey yourself," she said and I chuckled. "What's this?" She asked and I pushed the bag closer to her.
"Saw it in a shop and thought of you," I said and she sighed, pulling it closer and taking out the long black box that was inside.
"Nathan..." she whispered and I gestured to the box.
"Open it," I said and she hesitantly pulled the lid off the box and put it on the table before looking in the box and gasping.
"You like it?" I asked and she nodded and held it out to me.
"I love it," she whispered and I got up and gently took the necklace from her, walked around to behind her, putting it around her neck and clasping it.
She touched it to her chest gently as I sat back down in front of her.
"What're you up to?" I asked and she nervously glanced at the notebook on the table. I grabbed the notebook and turned it around so I could read it.
Nathan, 🖤
I am so sorry for leading you on like I did, I thought I could do this without causing a scene but I guess not.
It's not you, you don't scare me. I scare me.
The things that people who claim to love each other do to each other, the things people say out of 'love' to each other.
I've seen so many relationships fall apart because people thought they loved each other but all it was was a fling or a crush.
You have no idea how much I'd like to be able to go through with this with you but I can't.
I am so unbelievably sorry for doing this to you. So so sorry.
Yours forever,
Kelsey
I looked at the paper and smiled at the butterflies drawn all over the paper.
"It's just a first draft," Kelsey said and I put the notebook down.
"Kelsey," I whispered and she looked away, playing with the necklace. I reached across the table and took her hands in mine, rubbing them.
"Let's give this a shot," I said after a few minutes and she looked up at me, surprised. "Yea come on, no pressure. Whatever happens happens," I said and she smiled sadly.
"Nathan... you want a marriage and kids, I can't give you that," she said and I shook my head.
"Don't worry, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it," I said and she nodded, her smile changed from sad to happy.
"Really?" She asked and I nodded. She got up and sat beside me, gently caressing my cheek. I smiled and leaned on her hand a little before kissing her hesitantly. She moved forward and kissed me again, sliding her arms around my neck and pulling me closer.
I smiled and ran my hands over her hair until I got to her ponytail which I pulled out. I tossed the hair tie onto the floor and ran my hands through her hair, twisting it around my fingers. I kissed her again and she smiled, sliding her hand down my arms onto my chest where she grabbed the neck of my shirt, pulling me into her.
I ran my hands down her back, pulling her onto my lap and she wrapped her legs around my waist, kissing me again and again, each time more gentle than the last until she stopped and rested her forehead on my chest. I smiled and kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back.
"What're your limits? What can't we do?" She asked, sitting up.
"What do you mean?" I asked and she kissed my neck gently.
"I mean you have your beliefs, where do they come into play?" She asked and I nodded, understanding now.
"Sex is off the table," I said hesitantly and she nodded slowly.
"Ok, bed only, got it," she said before smiling and chuckling.
"That's not what I meant," I said and she nodded.
"I know," she said, kissing me gently. I saw someone out of the corner of my eye and pulled Kelsey's head onto my chest before looking over and seeing Jen and the rest of her band.
Jen gave me an I-told-you-so look before sitting on the couch.
"We're heading to the venue now," their drummer, Mike I think his name was, said and I nodded. Kelsey sat up and moved off me, standing up and adjusting her sweater.
Jen smirked as Kelsey went to her bunk and laid down.
I got off the bus and made my way to mine.
When I got there laid down and fell asleep faster than I have in years.