Lost In The Moment

Twenty Two

"Because she makes me happy, I'm an angry person but whenever I see her or hear her voice it's like all that never happened and she's all that matters. She makes me happy pops, so I'm not giving her up," Nate said in my head over and over as I lay in bed trying to sleep.
Nate lay with his back to me so I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not but I thought he was because his breathing evened out a couple minutes ago.
I got up and walked into the kitchen, turning on the kettle and getting a cup of tea ready.
"Can't sleep either?" Nate asked and I jumped a little making him chuckle.
"No, I thought you were asleep," I said as I poured the water into my cup and watched it change colour.
"Nope," Nate sighed, running his hands around my waist and kissing my neck gently.
"Your grandfather doesn't like me," I said in an attempt to make him stop without pushing him away that failed. He grunted to show he didn't care and turned me to face him, softly caressing my cheeks with his thumbs.
"I don't care if he likes you or not, I love you," he said before kissing me desperately like he hasn't seen me in months.
I placed my hands on his arms and he picked me up and sat me down on the counter. I tried to keep in mind that Nate is a guy and though he believes what he does he is also a guy and I wouldn't be a very good girlfriend if I let this get to far as he kissed me again and again.
He slowly, as if not to set off any alarms, slid his hands under my shirt and started bringing it up as to take it off.
Because I am a stupid, weak, and lonely idiot I let him take off my shirt before taking his off as well, both of them tossed to the floor.
He started kissing my neck, down to my shoulder where he stopped and played it my bra strap for a second.
"What're we doing Kelsey?" He asked quietly and I brought his face up to mine and looked into those beautiful blue eyes that right now were so torn and sad. "I- I love you but I want a marriage and a family, can you give me that?" He asked and I was quiet for a bit.
"I don't know Nathan," I said finally and he nodded, looking down.
"I thought so," he whispered and my heart broke. I wanted desperately to give him what he wanted, to make him happy but not everyone is cut out for that kind of life. I almost said that but stopped myself when he opened his mouth to say something but he changed his mind at the last second and kissed me, running one of his hands into my hair and keeping the other on my upper thigh.
I kissed him back before he picked me up again and stood me up on the floor. He pulled away, panting slightly, and locked eyes with me for a moment before kissing me again and pulling down my shorts that I was sleeping in. I moaned as he kissed down my neck and collarbone.
He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing my way from his jaw to his ear as he carried me back to bed.
He put me down on the bed and looked at me for a second, almost as if deciding whether or not to go through with this and a part of me was praying to whatever God he believed in that he didn't.
After a moment he smirked and crawled on top of me. He kissed me and undid my bra, tossing it to the floor.
I tucked my fingers underneath his waistband and slowly started to pull his pyjama pants down when I stopped and pushed him away, my hands on his chest.
"Nathan," I whispered, panting slightly, and he gave a little moan in response as he kissed down my chest. "Nathan... protection," I said, stifling a moan as he nibbled on my earlobe gently.
"Damn," he breathed, resting his head in my neck.
"I didn't think so," I said and he sat up, straddling my waist.
"I should've thought of that," he whispered, drawing randomly on my bare stomach.
"Why?" I asked and he looked up at me.
"Isn't it clear?" He asked and I smirked, rolling over and grabbing one of Nate's shirts from the floor. I slipped it over my head and just far enough down that it covered my chest and not my stomach as he seemed to like drawing on it.
"Ok, I know why," I said and he leaned down and kissed my stomach twice. "But why?" I asked and he ran his hands up my arms, joining our hands above my head.
"Because I love you and I want to make you happy," he said and I sighed, taking one hand out of his grasp and stroking his cheek.
"As long as you're happy, I'm happy," I said before kissing him gently. He ran hands down my arms and onto my cheeks as he kissed me back, deepening it and sighing.
"Move in with me," he said into the kiss and I pulled away.
"She's all that matters... I'm not giving her up"
"What?" I asked and he nodded, twisting my hair around his fingers.
"Move in with me, you said you're happy if I'm happy and that would make me the happiest I've ever been," he said and I pushed him away.
"She's all that matters... I'm not giving her up,"
"I love you Nate but do you really think that's what we need to do?" I asked and he nodded, leaning forward to kiss me.
"Nathan," I said firmly and he stopped and sighed.
"Kelsey," he sighed and I slid myself out from underneath him, sitting Indian style and looking at him.
"Why do you want me to in? Other than 'it'll make you happy'," I asked and he shrugged.
"I hate being away from you and we can't always be on tour together..." he said and I nodded.
"And what? You want me to move in so we can do this dance every night?" I asked, sounding more angry than I was, and he shrugged.
"Eventually we'll get it right," he said and I smiled shyly before taking a deep breath and looking back at him.
"Nathan I'm being serious," I said and he nodded, crawling toward me.
"Me too," he whispered as he kissed me gently.
I kissed him back and leaned forward, pushing him onto his back. He smiled and pulled away before hugging me close. I laid my head on his chest and he interlaced our fingers.
He kissed my head before I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.