Utaites X Reader

Kettaro x reader

Anxiety, fear, emptiness, dread, the feeling of wanting to scratch something, yourself, wanting to cry, to scream, to just shut out the world...

Those are the feelings you are struggling with right now. It was late in the night, way past normal waking hours. You have school and lessons the next morning, but right now, you can't even close your eyes and rest. 

This sort of thing started happening more often when you found out you had to stay another year to complete your course because you did not meet the passing criteria for early graduation. You became more emotinal, anxious and fearful. Finding it hard to get yourself to wake up in the morning to go to class, dragging your feet each day, putting on a smile just so that no one will ask about the scratch marks hidden under those long sleeves.

That was until today.

It was a normal day, your alarm rang as usual, you contemplated about getting up as usual, dragged your feet to get ready, making sure to wear long sleeves to cover up the mess that you made yesterday, then putting on a smile before getting a snack and leaving the house.

As you entered class and went on with lessons with the unwavering smile on your face, the day went by like nothing. Until after school.

As you waved goodbye to your friends with that plastered smile and walked towards the school gates, a hand grabbed yours and pulled you towards them. They pulled you into an empty classroom and closed the door.

You were surprised, shocked and afraid, not daring to speak or even move an inch.

Their hand released yours. "(Y/n)." A medium range, somewhat low and serious voice called your name.

You recognised it immediately as Kettaro from your class. You never really spoke much with him, only the occasional pair projects or group work.

"Oh it was only you, Kettan!  You scared me haha" you pretended to laugh a little but even in the slightly dark room, you could sense his seriousness.

"(Y/n)." Once again his stern voice scared you. "W-what is it kettan?  E-erm i-i'm in a hurry-" you tried to excuse yourself when you felt strong arms grasping your arms and pulled you towards him.

"You don't need to pretend anymore. I may not know what you're going through and ypu may not trust me much to confide in me since we barely talk, but i've always watched you. You were mysterious to me, i was curious, curious as to why you always have long sleeves. Until the day i saw you walking home alone, you lifted up your sleeves and i saw those marks.. "

Your eyes widened, shocked at his words, "k-" before you could say anything, he interrupted, "i feel hurt too. When you smiled plainly at your peers, when you hid those marks, when you slightly winced when others accidentally hit you a little too hard,  i saw it all and it hurts, it huets seeing you suffer alone. (Y/n)  please, i want to understand you, i want to be there for you, even if you won't accept a classmate like me, i still want to shoulder your pain with you. Even when you feel that your world is crushing down, i want to be there with you"

Before he could continue further, you tightly grasped his shirt, tears uncontrollably falling and knees getting weak. He stopped speaking, just embracing you.

"W-why.... Just w.. Why.. Why would you say all that to me? I don't even talk to you much... "

"Because i like you. (Y/n). I like you. Ever since your artwork was showcased. I could hear your call for help. I never had the chance to talk to you apart from our occasional pair or group work, but i wanted to understand you."

Hearing his words, you were speechless. Right there and then, you felt your world crushing down. All this time, you felt so alone, so afraid, not once was there anyone who would listen to you. Your parents were busy, and when you did talk, they were tired and you didn't want to worry them, so instead of spilling your troubles, you kept them in, always showing a smile.

Yet you could hardly breathe when you're alone in your room, at night where all os quiet, you silently cried, scratching yourself unintentionally to try to distract yourself from your thoughts, but right then and there, in that empty classroom,with a guy you barely spoke with, you were crying, your facade crumbling down, there was someone who was willing to listen to your troubles.

The more you cried, the longer he embraced you, staying silent to allow you to cry.

All you needed was a listening ear, a person who won't judge you for feeling afraid and anxious , a person who could reach out to you.

I will stay by your side for as long as you need me

I  may not be the knight in shining armor, but i want to be the one who could listen to your troubles, to comfort you when you feel that the world is against you.

Even though the room was silent with only the sound of your cries, you could feel those words from him.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Alright... That might be a bad ending but honestly, i just wanted to tell my story.

I'm not really the cheerful girl everyone says i am, i'm struggling with self doubt and when i'm frustrated, i tend to want to scratch something or cry.

Yet i can't really cry in front of others because i just can't do that...

If anyone reading this is struggling with anxiety, please know that even when you feel alone or that the world is crushing down, i'll always be here to listen to you. If you can't find the courage or anything to talk to someone, try writing it down...

Its getting late, like really late for me like 1++am late, so i'll get to sleep....  Honestly, i feel somewhat better now after writing this....

I'll try to update more often too...

But for now, see you next time...