Damaged

Part 12

"Are you sure you feel comfortable with that? I can stay in another room. You won't hurt my feelings Chris." She asked me, but this time she was looking down not meeting my eyes. Was the Tobin Heath nervous? She is never nervous. And somehow her being this nervous made me more confident. Because this Tobin is the Tobin that I trust. This is the Tobin I know, the Tobin I knew that I was falling for.

"I'm sure. I just need to change my clothes and stuff and then we could go to bed. Do you want to use the bathroom while I change?"

"Sure, Chris." She said with a smile on her face now and she practically skipped to my bathroom. I quickly changed into some sweats and an old tee-shirt that was my mom's. Just as I pulled the shirt over my head there was a knock at the bathroom door.

"Chris are you done changing?" Tobin shouted through the door.

"Yeah you can come out now." She opened the door and stepped out an easy smile on her face. I moved to my bed and pulled back the covers.

Sitting down on one side and plugging in my phone. I moved so that my whole body was in my bed. I closed my eyes for a minute doing my usual bed time routine. I like to reflect on the day I had and make sure I picture my moms face in my head and talk to her sometimes. It helps me remember her and still feel close to her.

Hey mom, I hope you had a good day. I actually had a good day today, I know it's because of her mom and it kind of scares me how much she can affect me and how much she means to me already and I am worried that if I can't trust her or if I lose everyone else because of her I won't be able to survive anymore. If you could just give me a sign that I am in the right track with my life, and allowing her to be in it would really mean a lot to me. I love you and miss you more and more each day. 

I blinked my eyes open to see Tobin still standing by my bathroom door, she was leaning on the entry way just looking at me. She looked like she was confused about something.

"Why are you staring at me? And why are you way over there?" She dropped her eyes and made her way over to my huge bed. She hopped right into my bed and I turned out the lights. My bed was big enough so that there was a good two arms length between us. I was laying on my side so that my back was to her.

"Chris?"

"Yeah Tobs?"

"Were you just praying?"

"Ummmm in my own way I guess."

"So you don't believe in God?" She whispered out.

"I used to." I told her truthfully. Thinking about growing up with my mom and going to church with her every Sunday.

"Why did you stop?" I paused, I guess I never really let myself think about why it just happened. But now as I think about it wasn't hard to figure out why.

"I guess too many things have happened in my life to believe that a God is looking out for me."

"So who were you praying too?" She asked.

"I will tell you another time."Not wanting to get into my past right now. She didn't respond to this and so I thought she had fallen asleep, but I was too curious about the topic to let it go.