Damaged

Part 11

"Do you actually have somewhere to stay?" I asked quietly, knowing questions like that we both actively avoid.

"Its okay Chris I always find somewhere to go." She mumbled out.

"That's silly, just stay here Tobin."

"I can't Chris."

"Why not?"

"You have already done too much for me today Chris. I don't want to use you. I am tired of using people and I care too much about you to do that to do too." She said passionately. I thought about what she was saying and how truthful she was being with me. So I decided to be as truthful as her.

"You aren't using me Tobin, I am happy to do this stuff for you. Remember I am the one offering all this your not asking so why do you think that you are using me?"

"Because that's what I do I use people."

"Don't you see that I am using you too that so need you too. You are the first person that I have talked to in person in days. I don't want to sleep in this big house all by myself again, and I don't want to wake up by myself, and I don't want to leave tomorrow with no one to say goodbye to." I admitted still really upset of everything that had happened with my father with tears in my eyes.

"Oh Chris."She walked over to me quickly with her arms open like she was going to hug me, but she stopped a foot away from me, "Can I please hug you?" I just nodded my head not trusting my voice. She wrapped her strong arms around me.

I have been scared that now that I know about her past, about what she did to Alex if I would still find comfort in her physical contact and to my own surprise I relaxed into her embrace. Pulling her as close to me as possible, missing the feeling of her being this close to me. Missing the warmth she radiates, missing her smell, missing how safe I have always felt around her.

She pulled back slightly, but she kept her arms around me. She looked me in the eyes and said  "I promise I will always be there for you if you want me to be. I will do anything for you. Do you believe me when I say that? Do you trust me?" I studied her face for a while.

Do I finally trust her? This girl that was in my arms now, she hasn't done anything to hurt me. In fact everything she has done, tutoring me, helping me with soccer, giving me space, making better decisions in her life has been to benefit me. All she has done is prove to me that she does care about me, which means she would never hurt me right? I know she wouldn't hurt me physically, because let's face it she has had a plethora of opportunities and she hasn't done anything, but what about emotionally?

Ever since I have known her she has been with so many people that I have lost track. Could I trust her, to ever just be with me? That I could ever been enough for her? And what if I lose everything else, everyone else. All the girls hate her and what if they never give her a second chance and what if I lose all of them?

"Chris if you aren't ready to make a final decision yet, than you don't trust me completely and with what you have heard I can understand that and there is nothing I want more than to change your mind, but in order for me to explain I need you to trust me completely. To trust with me without a doubt in your mind because if you have any doubts about who I truly am you won't believe me what I tell you."

"Okay Tobin, thanks for understanding. I want you to know though that I am trying to trust, I want to, but sometimes I just can't get out of my head. "

"Can you at least believe me right now when I tell you that I never ever would cause you harm on purpose?" She asked hopeful and while looking up into her eyes and seeing the sincerity in them I knew that I did trust that. I did trust that she wouldn't hurt me.