Wattpad Block Party - Winter Edition III

tasting_stars Presents: HOW TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO SOCIAL MEDIA

Hi, everyone! I'm Danielle, and usually I write superhero books here on Wattpad. You may or may not have heard of them – my first book, Men in Tights, won a Watty in 2014, reached 1 million reads last year, and has a chance to get published by Swoon Reads! (If you want to read more about that, you can find it on my profile.) I'm also 1 of 10 Wattpad authors published in Gallery Books' Once Upon Now fairy tale anthology. My piece is a twisted mashup of Pinocchio and The Frog Prince. If you like fairy tales, you should definitely give the book a read! And if you don't like fairy tales, you should still give the book a read – all of the stories are amazing, and it was an honor to work with all of the lovely ladies featured in OUN.

For my block party post, I want to share something I wrote during my college creative writing class. That class gave me the confidence to start posting on Wattpad, and I owe it so much. It's a second person piece called "How to Sell Your Soul to Social Media," which is pretty appropriate considering we're all on the internet right now haha. I've been looking for a reason to share this for a while, so I hope you enjoy it!

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How to Sell Your Soul to Social Media

First, try to resist. Really, truly try because once you click "sign me up" there is no going back. That button will beckon you. It will wave a metaphorical finger in the air, saying come hither until your mouse concedes. And then you're done for. In the beginning, you won't know what to do. What the hell is the difference between likes and favorites? Friends and followers? You're not sure why you care, but you spend the next four hours trying to figure it out. After a day, you think you know enough to converse about your new love of social media with anyone you meet. This will include classmates you only vaguely know, that guy on register number two at the mini-mart, and the old lady sitting next to you on the subway. They may be courteous enough to offer you a small nod and a smile, but none of them will give a shit. None. You won't notice this.

You begin stalking celebrities and draw the conclusion that their lives are infinitely cooler than yours. You also draw the conclusion that they're much hotter than anyone you know in real life. This saddens you. You tweet Harry Styles a thousand times. Literally. You make tally marks on a blue post-it so you don't lose count. He doesn't respond to your requests for a happy birthday wish (it isn't even your birthday, you just want acknowledgement). This saddens you even more.

You're family doesn't understand your new hobby. They call it an obsession. It's not an obsession – that would imply you had a problem. You don't have a problem. Your mom will tell you to get off your ass and go outside. "But mom," you'll say, "the WiFi doesn't reach out there." She'll get irritated and stomp away, maybe she'll slam a cabinet door in the kitchen. You'll cuss her out, then post about it for the world to see. Rinse and repeat.

You make friends with people online who share your interests of boy bands and ABC Family dramas. They're nice. One of them is particularly nice. You decide to leave the bunker that is your computer desk and meet her in person. Unfortunately, she's annoying as hell, and you suddenly wish your parents didn't raise you to be polite. She won't shut up about all the band guys she's dated. Eventually you realize that her definition of "dated" means she might have kissed them. Once. And then they "broke up" for whatever reason. You wish you could tweet about her commitment issues, but she follows you and you know she'll see. Damn your politeness once again.

She begins texting you. Not only do you have to interact online, but now she's blowing up your phone too.

Saturday 7am: "Hey."