Memories of You

Chapter 38 - Are You?

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This chapter is dedicated for this one guy who broke my heart to pieces but if he asked me for another chance, I'll give him million chances. I don't need to tell your name. You know who you are.

P.S Love you guys a lot x

Recap ;

Even though, his weakness and drug isn't me, I need to make my decision. I need to let Edward have someone more special than me. Someone who can accept all his feelings, someone who will think of him as her drug. Someone who will make him happy, because believe me, he deserves much more than being happy. He deserves the universe, and the moon, and the sun.

And it isn't fair for me to do this to him. To let him think he can fight for me while since the start of our relationship, Christian has been the one who is winning. It's just not fair for him. I don't know if I can make Christian happy, I don't know if I can satisfy his needs, but I know. I know from the deepest of my heart, that I'll try my best. I'll try my best just to make him smile. It will be okay for me to see him happy even though that causes me the most painful experience.

I've made my decision, and I think, it's only fair if I tell him my decision now. It's going to give him more time to forget me. To find someone new. To find someone meaningful for him. To have someone that can gi
ve him the world, the sun, and the moon, because Edward deserves that.

Chapter 38

At that time, I told Edward the thing I've been dying to say.
"Edward" I said. He looks at me with so much curiosity."Hmm?" He says.
I don't think I have the strength to say what I'm going to say soon. I don't think I have the power to see him hurting because it hurts me. He has been the one who I can rely these past few years. It's just I can share everything with him. From my happiest moments to the saddest one.

"I.. I've made my decision." I say slowly while averting my eyes to the window. I can't see his expression. His sad expression. I can say I will do anything if I can always put smile in his face, but I know at the deepest part in my heart, I won't. If he asked me to forget my past with Christian, I'm not goint to do it. Why? Because I have realized that my best moments in life are spent with him.

"Decision? What decision?" He asked back. Before I've got the chance to reply him, he already answered that question for him.
"Ah.. the boyfriend decision?" He says while looking at me. And again, I averted my eyes. I don't want to see him hurting. It's just not fair for him. While all these years, he has been the one giving me happiness, it's just not fair for him.

"Yeah.. I know this will be a hard choice, but.. this is what I think is right. You.. you don't deserve me. You are such a beautiful human being and that's why Ed, I can't deserve you. I know this sounds like a total bullshit, but that's the truth you need to know." I say while playing with my fingers.

"Ah.. so Christian, huh?" He says with his voice breaking a little. Don't cry, Ed. Because if you cry, I think I can't continue this. I can't see him hurting because I do care about him.

"It's not like that. You are somebody's drug, Ed. You need to find this one person that is addicted to you like you are her drugs. I.. you're not my drugs, Ed. I want you to be my drugs, I do, really. But.. it's just impossible. I care for you. I love you. But i know it's just not enough for you. Because you deserve the sun, the stars, and the universe. And I can't give you that." I say while feeling tears in my eyes. Even though I know I need to do this, another part of myself just isn't feeling it. Edward.. he stays there for me, he makes me laugh, and he cares for me. And the part of myself that's immature doesn't want that to go. I still want the feelings he gives me. But I know it's just not right when another part of my heart is still stuck at Christian.

"Ah.. and Christian is your drugs, I guess?" Ed asks me while rubbing his arm. I know he do that when he tries to comfort his own self. It's hurting me that I'm the reason why he needs comfort.

"Christian.. Christian has been my drugs since that time. I thought, I can just move on and let go. But now I realized. When he told me to give him another chance, I would give him million chances even though each chance gave me the most painful experience. Because.. he is my drug. I need him. I'm attached to him, Ed. And I believe, you will find somebody that is going to be your drug. And that person just isn't me, Ed." I say while feeling tears streaming down my face.

I'm hurt. It hurts me to see him like that. Because I know, I care for Ed. He's the one who makes me stand up again when I was falling. At that time, I know. Christian is my drug. But Edward.. he's my vitamins. I care for him as my person. The one I can always go back to even though I messed up million times. Because Edward is my person.

"Ah.. I guess I already knew about it since the first time you met Christian. There's just this spark, right there that everyone can see. And I'm jealous of the sparks. Even though we are going to be engaged, I don't think we have that sparks." Ed says while fixing his hair and there, I see tears at his eyes. He's trying not to let the tears get out.

"Let's just be each other drugs at another life, Ana. You've got Christian for this life, but let's hope I will be your drugs at another life." Ed says while smiling. There, I can see his tears in his eyes. And at that time, I silently praying. Let's hope Edward can be my drug at another life.

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Author's note :

Hello guys!!
Ah it feels nice to have my brain working to write my feelings. This chapter is seriously dedicated to this one man, who broke my heart to pieces but if he asked me for another chance, I'll give him million chances. I know somebody will say I'm stupid, but I guess for now, he's my drugs and maybe that's why I'm the only one who can't move on.
Anyway, lets stop with the sad talks.
How are you guys doing? I'm doing fine despite my stupid feelings for that guy. Lol.
I'm so sorry that I took a freaking long time to update :( I've been very busy with final exams, assignments and friends problems.
And yes, please do give your thoughts about this chapter & don't forget to vote!
I love each of you!
Xx