I Don't Deserve Your Love

Chapter 30

The bell rings as an indication it's the end of school. "I'll see you tomorrow." I call to Emily as I walk towards the changing rooms.

I'm met with a surprise as I jog onto the cricket field. It's Ryan. Dumping my bag on a bench, I go over to him and sitting down. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Mum dropped me off after I begged her to let me go. I'm just here to watch.

"Well I'm glad you're here." I kiss him gently, enjoying the feel of his lips against mine. I had missed the comfort of being his arms.

"Ryan. Good to see you out and about. When will you be back on the field?" The voice makes me jump. I turn my head seeing it's Brandon. I feel Ryan's arm tighten around me.

"A week. He should hopefully be back next week for practice." I smile.

"That's great. Well practice is starting now, so let's go Cas."

"Sure." I reply before quickly kissing Ryan's cheek. "Love you."

........

By then end of practice, I feel overstretched. Ryan meets me with my bag on his shoulder. "You don't have to hold that." He raises his eyebrows. "No, I'm not suggesting you're weak, look I can carry it." He lifts the bag in the air as I try to grab it.  I roll my eyes. "Fine. I'll call my mum to pick us up you can't walk home."

He shakes his head. "No, you are not walking home." I pull out my phone and dial VI's number telling her to pick us up. "She'll pick us up in half-an hour. We can just go have a coffee at the shop down the road."

We walk down to the shop, as I enter I rememeber having lunch with Brandon. I gulped guiltily remembering the day of the accident. I try to pretend everything is fine and sit far away from where I was last time.

"So. Did you have your therapy session today?"

Ryan's face immediately darkens. Yes.

"uhh. How was it?"

It was amazing. He sarcastically smiles.

"It was only one of your first ones."

Well I hate them. I hate everyone there. They' all look at me as if I'm pathetic.

I frown in pity, then realise that I've probably done the same.

See? I'm sick of being looked at like that.

"Ryan, you were in a car accident, you were close to dying. We were all worried, everyone just wants the best for you."

Yeah sure. And because everyone wants the best for me, I have no voice right now.

"Hey, things aren't going back to normal straight away. You have to be patient."

Well I'll be waiting for a fucking lifetime then. I'm sure everyone will give up on me by then.

"You'll get your voice again. It'll take time. And noone is going to give up. Not you or me. Especially me, I love you and I'm not going to give up on you." He weakly smiles and nods. "I'm going to go order us something to drink while we wait."

I walk up towards the counter staring at the ground in front of me. I was worried about Ryan, he seemed really down at the moment. And I hated seeing him like this. All of a sudden I bump into someone. "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to..." As I look up I see Brandon. I swear he appears out of nowhere. "Hey."

"Oh hey, You're here again."

"Yeah, I'm here with uhh Ryan."

"Cool." He says shortly looking behind me."I always come here after practice. I like to get a cool drink."

I nod turning around to see Ryan staring daggers at Brandon. Fuck. The lady at the counter calls Brandon's order.

"Well, I better get going. Bye." He grabs his order before walkign out.

I step up to the counter before ordering, they make the drinks fast and give me two takeaway cups. I slowly walk back to the table. Ryan was waiting with a quesiton for me.

You've been here before...? Crap, he heard it all.

"Umm. " I didn't want to keep secrets from him. He shouldn't have to deal with this shit not when he was going through a lot already. "The day of your accident, I was here with Brandon...for lunch. I was trying to sort out our friendship. Please don't be mad."

I'm not. I can't stop you from being friends with guys. I just don't exactly like him that's all. I think it's the fact he has feelings for you.

"Well,  I think I've made it clear that I want you. And I only love you."

He stares at me for a while as I sip my coffee. "What's wrong?"

You deserve so much better than a me.

"No, I don't. I only want you."

Still, a girl like you shouldn't be with a guy like me.

",Just because you can't talk and you've been in this accident doesn't mean you don't deserve me."

I think it does. You might as well be with Brandon.

"Don't say that. " I reply sharply and then breathe out slowly, "You need to get it through your head that I only want you." I check my phone. Vi was waiting outside. "Vi's here, let's go." I grab his hand and his coffee. He was really hurting, I just hoped his therapy sessions would begin to improve.

"Hey, how was today?" Vi says happily as I pull my seatbelt across me.

"It was....good. Just a little sleep deprived, so I'm quite tired." I say and look at Ryan from the corner of my eyes he was clenching his fists. I grab one of his hands as the car starts.

When we reach home, I walk into his room and Vi goes to the kitchen to talk with Madeline. "Could I sleep over tonight? I'm struggling to sleep a bit...." I trailed off unsurely. He smiled and nodded before sitting on his bed.

"Thanks. So are you going to come to the cricket game this saturday?" He moves his head from side to side as if unsure. "Can you come please? For me?" I smile sweetly.

Only for you. He opened his arms and I went and sat next to him as he wrapped his arms around me. I tightened my arms around his waist. I feel him flinch.

"Sorry." I remove my hand from his side and lift his shirt up gently to see a fading cut. I remeber how gruesome it had looked in hospita when the dressings were changed. I move my hand across it gently.

He shurgs. There is worse pain.

"Still I'm sorry."

It's only cut, it'll  disappear.

" I know. Just me worrying over you." I smile and kiss his lips. "Now, I need to catch you up with some maths so I'm going to head over home and just grab some books yeah?" He nods silently and smiles as I leave the room I see his face fall. He was putting up an act in front of everyone, even me. I knew he didn't have to many wounds that were permanent from the accident. But he was mentally scarred. And scars would only fade, but this scar seemed adament on staying.

Urghh. I'm need to get to the good part which is coming. But I can't rush it all. I've had assessments at school recently, so I haven't paid attention to this lately. So sorry for my lack of quality in these past few chapters. :/

Also just for clarification, when I write in italics, it signifies what Ryan's saying because he writes it down in his notebook.

Please vote or comment. I enjoy knowing and apppreciating your views on this book.

See you in the next update! :)