I Don't Deserve Your Love

Chapter 44

unedited-sorry

*1 week later*

-Saturday Afternoon-

"Look, I've visited a few times. You should go see him." Drake says slowly, his face showing he was treading with caution.  I was out with him for coffee. 

My mouth fell open at the absurd suggestion. "Excuse me?"

"Go see him. He still can't talk but just..." He stopped as if he was unsure how to word it. "You never really gave him a chance to explain."

"Chance to explain?" I scoff. "Why would I give him that? I saw him pull that knife out? There is no fucking way to explain his actions."

"Look. Do you seriously believe he did this?" Drake asks seriously.

Did I believe Ryan did it? Of course I fucking did, I saw him pull that bloody knife out and then there were fingerprints on the knife that belonged to him. But I loved him and when I found out I wanted to believe he hadn't done it. And I still didn't want to believe it. So in a way I was still unsure of it. "Yes." I lie. "I believe he did it. And you don't?" I demand.

Drake hesitated before replying. "No. I don't believe he did."

"How? The fingerprints matched his. And I saw him..."

He interrupts me. "I know I know. Urgh. Just he's been my best friend since kindergarten. He would never do something like this. "

"People change. Plus, if it wasn't him. Who the fuck then? And why?" Drake sighs.

"Well...Laila and I think it's Brandon." I look at him confused.

"Ohh. So you and Laila, who both hate Brandon with a passion, for no reason think he murdered my aunt?! Do you even have a legitimate reason?" I say annoyed. Brandon was my friend. I trusted him.

"....No." He mutters sheepishly.

"Exactly."

"But there's something weird about him. Can't you see that?"

"No I can't. Besides, Brandon arrived AFTERWARDS." 

"But.." Drake tries to protests but realises he's lost the argument.

"Brandon is my friend and you have to accept that. If you really thought he was a murderer you would never have let me hang out with him. I may have loved Ryan but at least I can see the truth here. You need to accept that Ryan isn't who you thought he was." I say angrily before I walked away.

.................

I arrive home and storm up into my room slashing my curtains together violently. I didn't need to  see his damn room from my window.

I scream out. Visit him?! What sort of suggestion is that? A fucking ridiculous one. I push my all the things off my desk letting everything clatter to the ground.

My phone was already buzzing incessantly, it was probably Drake. I put my phone to silent sinking to the ground in the middle of the mess on the ground.

I spot something on the ground near my feet....the neat handwriting was extremely familiar. It was his letter. The one full of bullshit. I grab it getting ready to tear it to violent shreds but a small part of me hesitates and I stop. "Fuck." I breathe out. I didn't want to tear apart all those delicately written words. 

But they aren't even real. He lied about it all. It was fake. A voice in my head echoes. 

But I still don't wanna rip it...a rush of anger pour through me. This was ridiculous, he murdered Vi. I couldn't possibly still love him or even consider he actually loved me. I crumpled the paper in my hands and chucked it across the room. I couldn't even rip it. Urgh. Weak.