I Don't Deserve Your Love

Chapter 11

I wake up against a freezing cold surface, I slowly open my eyes. I had fallen asleep on my window seat. I felt sluggish and all dried out from crying last night. I make my way downstairs, to find  note from Vi she had left early to work. I walk round the kitchen making myself a coffee an pouring some cereal. As soon as I brought the spoon to my mouth, I loose my appetite.  I walk back upstairs and got ready for school.

I exit the front door and see Ryan leaving...in his car to school. That hurt, I always enjoyed our walks to school. As long as I was with him I felt comfortable and safe.  I felt my eyes fogging up again as I thought of yesterday. 'This is your fault, Cassie.' I said to myself sternly as I began my lonely walk to school.

I walk to my locker and I see Drake waiting there for me.

"Hey Drake." I say opening my lockers and piling my books into my bag..

"Hey Cas. What's with Ryan?" Drake questions.

"Really? Do you have to know?" I say in exasperation.

"Yeah kind of. Because I got a call in the middle of the bloody night and he was fuckin sobbing his heart out. I think he was drunk. What happened? He wouldn't tell me, he just kept saying something about Brandon and kissing?" He looks at me with wide eyes, " You didn't kiss him, did you?"

"No, Brandon kissed me. Ryan saw and bashed Brandon over it. Except he hates me now for it which is completely understandable." Drake just stares at me, "I know I messed up. But I don't think Ryan wants to talk to me. He drove to school today."

"Just give him some space, he'll come round. Just give him some time then go and explain what happened. He won't be able to  a grudge. He loves you too much for that." I almost choke on my own breath in shock. Drake realized what he said, "Sorry, I didn't think. Look, Ryan cares about you too much to just let you go like that. Don't stress too much about it."

"Okay, thanks Drake" I give him a hug and walk to mentor group.

......

As I walk to recess, I sit down first with Laila and Emily. I see Ryan coming towards me with Drake. He sits down next to me and stares straight ahead.  While Emily and Drake start up a conversation with Laila he just ignores me.

I go to say something, "Ryan I..." Ryan cuts me.

He cups my cheek and circles his thumb on my face., " Don't. Give me some time, please."

"Okay" I whisper and him and lift my hand to touch his but he pulls his hand away and goes to open his bag. Ouch. That hurt. I quickly tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear to cover up for my hand going to my face.  Then I try and engage in conversation with the rest of the group while Ryan just sits there in silence staring ahead.

......

The bell ran signalling the end of the day, thank goodness the day was over. I made my way over to my locker to be met by Emily, "Hey, you want a ride with me and Drake? I saw that Ryan drove to school today." She says.

"I'm good." I say and say bye to Emily before making my way home. I put my ear phones in and lost myself in the music kicking at pebbles and rock on the pavement.

I arrive and home and make my way upstairs to see Ryan lying on his bed doing work. He looks up a if he sensed my eyes on him and gives me a small smile. I smile back then sit down at my table and begin my own work. As I work through my homework, I feel him watching me.

Suddenly I hear the front door being opened, " Cas, hello? Are you home yet?"

"Yeah" I called downstairs.

" Can you come down here please?" I exited my room and went down the stairs.

"What's up?" I ask taking a seat on the couch. 

"I have to go down to Wellington tomorrow and I won't be back until Monday evening. It's quite urgent. If you don't want to stay by yourself, Madeline's offered you to stay there."

A week ago, I would have been fine with spending several days at my boyfriends house but now I felt like I needed to give him some space for a bit. So I turned down the offer.

"No, I'm fine I can stay by myself." I say.

"Really? I want you to be safe." Vi says looking worried.

"I'll be fine. Trust me, I'm legally an adult now." I say confidently.

"Okay.....but you need to call me every night or send me a message to say you're okay." Vi says reluctantly.

"Sure." I say standing up to go back to my room. 

"I'll be gone quite early in the morning. My flight's at 4:00am. So I'm going to go to bed okay?" She states. I walk towards her and give a tight hug.

"I'll be fine. Have a safe flight Vi." She hugs me back.

"I love you Cas." Vi's mufles voice says to me.

"Love you too Vi." I say and give her a kiss on the cheek before I  make my way up to my room.  I walk towards the bathroom and turn on the shower.

My body seemed to be on auto-pilot as I absent mindly washed my hair and changed into my pyjamas. My mind was drifting over Ryan. He told me he needed time. Which was understandable he had seen his girl-friend kissing one of his friends, his cricket coach. I understood his anger and pain. I just wish he would try and understand that I didn't cheat on him like that. I think he knew deep down Brandon had kissed me but he was just hurt.

How much time did he need? Does he still have feelings for me? And were his feelings the same as mine? I had come to the decision that I had come to love Ryan. But was Drake right. Did Ryan love me?

I lie in bed contemplating these thought as they swirled around my head. My eyes drift to a close with Ryan on my mind.

SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORTER THAN THE LAST ONE. I HAD EXAMS IN THE PAST WEEK SOOO I HAVE BEEN A BIT SLACK WITH THIS BOOK. WHO WANTS CAS AND RYAN TO GET BACK TOGETHER? IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEAS FOR THIS  STORY, PLEASE COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME. 

ALSO PLEASE COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME WITH SOME GOOD IDEAS FOR DATES.