I Don't Deserve Your Love

Chapter 9

Saturday morning was showing dark clouds clustering together with a cool breeze sending a chill down my bones. I got ready for the cricket game so when Ryan and I reached the cricket I am more determined ever to win this game.

I am pronounced captain today so I go and meet the Manilla captain.  He looked quite nervous. The umpire tossed the coin, I called heads.  I watch in anticipation as he coin flies through the air and lands on tails.We lost the toss.

"Always a bad sign if you ask me." Ryan jokes. I hit him on the head playfully.

"We are bowling first, so let's get ready." As I am about to walk out onto the pitch, Brandon stops me and calls the team together.

"Last week, we lost our game. This year is our year. Just play your own game. And we will be fine." He thumps me on the back as we begin to take our positions on the field. After a few overs, the clouds are sending a drizzle over the field. Our team was definetly playing better than last week, we were working together and more confident than last week. But a drizzle doesn't stop this game. However by the time we end the second innings the drizzle has turned into a torrent and down pour.

The umpire calls the game to an end on the last bowl. I realised what that meant.

"We won!!!" Brandon shouted from the sidelines. The sudden realization hit the other members. We went and shook hands and leapt off the pitch screaming with joy. Even the trees were waving their branches at the victory. I was ecstatic, this week's game made up for last weeks.

As the rain was starting to unleash is terror upon us our team members soon started to depart. Waving bye to Brandon, I pack my bag and got ready to walk back home. Yes even in the rain. I was NOT getting in a car.

"You can't be serious" Ryan said, "It's bloody raining."

"So?!" I say reply fastening the zip on my cricket bag and hoisting it on to my shoulder.

"Don't be ridiculous?! I can get mum to take us home. It'll only take a few minutes for her to get here." I can't, I scream silently.

"No, no. You can go in the car. It is only a bit of rain. I want to walk."Ryan looks at me in disbelief,

" You are crazy. Come on just come in the car." Ryan pleads.

"No, I really  want to go in the car."I say, I have a feeling the panic was etched on my face. "Look, I am going to walk. You can come with, or go home in the car. "I begin to walk away the cold rain drenching through to my skin. Ryan jogs after me and puts a hand on my shoulder, I look down to the ground.

"Hey, if you want to walk okay, but I am coming with you."He speaks in a gentle tone but I know he is mad. I can't help but shrug his hand off my shoulder. The walk home was longer than ever before. We walked in silence, Ryan was pissed at me even though he tried not to show it. The rain was freezing, my hair was plastered to my face andy clothes glued to me. When I reached my front door Ryan grabbed my other wrist.

"Look, why are you acting so weirdly?" Ryan asks, barely containing his ripples of anger. His hair was stuck to his face and his cricket clothes hung off him dripping.

"What do you mean 'acting weirdly?" I reply scathingly. I wrap my arms around me tighter then before trying to control my shaking.

"Bloody hell, Cassie, it is pouring cats and dogs and you made me walk through the bloody rain for no reason."

" Correction... I didn't make you walk, you chose to."

"Well then why did you choose to walk? You must have some sort of legitimate reason." This is it. I can tell him or not tell him. I choose the latter. If I told him he would probably thinnk I was a weirdo and really weak-willed. And I was, but I didn't want him to know that.

"Do I have to tell you everything?"

" Uh yeah kind of. I am your boyfriend or is that all fake?!?"

"No of course not" I say desperately on the verge of tears.

"What is it? I trust you completely so why can't you trust me?" He says.

 "I do trust you. Just forget it okay." I shut the door in his hurt face, I can feel his reproachful eyes burning through the door, then I feel hot tears leaking out of my eyes. I go up into my room and lie on my bed in tears.

...

I wake up on Sunday morning and feel guilt rushing into me. I should never have shouted at Ryan. He walked through the rain because I wanted to and then I got angry because I didn't want him to know I am dead scared of going in cars. He had every right to be angry. I had probably ruined our relationship. A shout interrupts my depressing thoughts,

"Cassie, breakfast's ready." I get changed and slowly descend the stairs. Grabbing a plate of toast I slouch onto the couch. Trying to eat was impossible, I felt the lump in my throat getting larger by the minute.  As I munch through the crunchy toast I flick through my movies and settle on "The Fault in our Stars." No, not depressing enough I think. hmmm. 'Titanic' Definitely I think to myself. As the movie starts I try to focus but I can't my mind was constantly drifting back to Ryan.  I look out the window to the fence next door.

I look upwards towards the second floor of his house. I can almost imagine him in his room. He was probably so pissed with me right now.  I felt my phone vibrate, it was Ryan. I ignored it, I couldn't speak to him, not today. 

I end up not doing anything, I try to do homework but my eyes kept turning towards the window of his room. He seemed to be avoiding the room at all costs after I ignored his call. 

At 7:30 I leave to bed. Lying in the dark, I see Ryan's light turn on, he walks in and starts taking his shirt off. I gimplse at his toned torso then look away. When I think it's safe I see him hopping into bed in his sweatpants. The light goes off and I can't see what is happening I feel like a creep for staring at him like that. I fall asleep thinking of how school would play out tomorrow.

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