Warning: SPG
Love
May mga bagay na mahirap ipaliwanag.
May mga bagay rin na mahirap intindihin.
As what I finally understood being with Jade, she's concealing her emotions.
It's almost like she requires herself not to feel anything. I wonder why she has so much stress, anxiety, and depression in her. She is good in hiding her true feelings.
But what would happen if she just...let go?
Let go of her baggage. Let go of almost everything.
I want her to stop resisting.
I want her to trust me.
Dahil kung tutuusin, sa lahat ng mga taong nakilala niya, nakasama, naging kaibigan, naging pamilya, sa lahat ng mga taong dumaan sa buhay niya, ako lang ang tanging nakakaintindi.
Ako lang... dahil ako rin mismo ang dahilan kung bakit siya nagkaka-ganito.
G r i e f.
I let her feel grief by means of running away even if she doesn't want me to.
Grief that turned into depression.
She killed people for it. She can control grief. But depression controls her.
H u r t.
Pinaramdam ko sa kanya ang matinding pagkamuhi. I hurt her by saying words that are too painful. I hurt her mentally and emotionally. And because of what I showed Jade, her pain and anger were repressed into rage. She explodes when she's angry, allowing herself to acknowledge that it is entirely a natural emotion to express even if it's not. Hindi ibig sabihin nun ay may karapatan na siyang manakit ng tao. It never has to be hurtful or threatening to anyone.
L o v e.
It is the most natural thing there is. I knew because I felt it.
I have loved Jade. She has loved me. What we had before was almost too good to be true.
Pero ang sobra-sobrang pagmamahal, kahit kailan ay hindi naging tama.
Too much love is the root of possession and obsessive desire.
Love, followed by fear, rage, and depression. You can't control any of it. It controls you.
I know it's too much for Jade.
At alam kong kailangan ko nang manghimasok. This is clearly an unhealthy obsession.
I have to let her feel how not to love obsessively.
– I have to make things right.
"I said fuck me! Is it that hard to understand?!" This is rage.
"Jade..." I stared in disbelief.
"What? You can't do it?" Paghahamon niya. "Is it because of that hooker?!"
Napabuntong-hininga ako.
How will I explain things to her if she already made up her mind?
"Why can't you just tell me?!" She's in the verge of crying at sa unang pagkakataon, she let her guard down and it's now easy for me to get in.
Lumapit ako sa kanya and held her delicate hands. She slapped my arms at first, but I still tried to reach for it.
"Jade please..." Sinubukan kong magtama ang mga mata namin, and as we did, ibang Jade ang nakita ko.
YOU ARE READING
The Welsh Maiden
Romance"Everything I want will come to me at the perfect time. She's mine to keep. Only MINE." WARNING: This book explores themes about obsession, death, childhood trauma, depictions of violence, explicit sexual content, and other possible triggers. Reader...
