Can't Afford To Lose Another Second With You (Scömìche)

No More Lies

A/N: I'm feeling so productive right now, I'll probably update a few more chapters!
Trigger warning: Suicide mention

The moment I  jumped I regretted my decision. There was nothing in the world you couldn't fix. And what I was doing wasn't fixing anything. It was just running away from my problems. I needed to face them and solve them, not just leave behind a massive load of shit for others to deal with. After everything I had done to Scott I thought I was redeeming myself, but the moment I jumped I knew I was just making everything worse. But I also knew it would've been the last mistake I would make.

But I didn't die. And that was good.

That was why the first thing I wanted to do as soon as I got better was talk to Scott.

I had left my phone in the old Mustang so I dialed Scott's number on the crappy phone next to my bed.

A sleepy boy replied.

"Hello?"

"Scott? It's me, Mitch. Sorry, didn't wanna wake you up."

He immediately sounded more awake. "Oh no, it's fine. Good to hear you. How are you?"

"I'm a bit better. They said my head injury wasn't as bad as they thought it was. Broken rib, but that's it. I was lucky."

"That's good."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm great, honestly. Still miss you, though."

"Yeah... I was wondering if you could maybe come around? I wanted to talk to you about... New Year's. The night, you know."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be right there, just give me ten minutes for a shower, okay?"

I smiled. "Take your time, don't speed, okay? I want you here in one piece."

"Promise."

I waited for barely twenty minutes until he came into my room, smiling brightly, holding a pink Get Well Soon balloon in his hand. I smiled at him.

"You are literally the sweetest person on this planet," I said and hugged him. He kissed the top of my head.

"I think you're talking about yourself," he answered and smiled at me. "I thought it'd be cute." He went to my bed to fasten the ballon.

"Do you wanna get some tea?"

***

We walked down the long hallway to the cafeteria and took our seats in the last booth at the corner. A waitress came and I ordered two teas. When she was gone, I started the conversation.

"What I wanted to talk to you about... Look, it's not easy. I'm a terrible person."

Scott covered my hand with his. "Don't say that, you're great."

I shook my head. "No, I'm really not. I just feel like after all this mess you deserve to know the truth. Even if it means you'll hate me. And I know you will. But I meant it, you deserve better. Not me. Not a liar."

"What are you talking about, Mitchy? I could never hate you."

"Listen first, then be the judge of that."

"Tell me, sweetheart. What's on your mind?"

"Pretty much everything", I huffed. "Let's start at Christmas."

Scott looked at me expectantly, and I told him every detail.

"I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at me and the moment I got a bit tipsy I used it to- experiment. I didn't know what I was doing, I just thought kissing you might be fun so I did. I never thought you would actually enjoy it. I thought it was a one time thing. But I- I really loved it, so I did it again the next day when you came over. I thought maybe I could pretend to have feelings to make everything good. To make everything normal. I didn't want you to know that I'm a heartless piece of shit who isn't capable of loving. And you were so special I knew I felt something for you. I hadn't felt a single thing for a person, ever. But when you came around, it was different. There was this something, and I didn't know what it was so I told myself I might love you. Or maybe if I pretended to it might turn into love. And when I realized you wanted this, you wanted to be with me, I just, I don't know. I didn't want to break your heart and tell you it was just me experimenting, so I went along with it. It's a horrible thing to do, and I have no excuses. You have every right to hate me."