Can't Afford To Lose Another Second With You (Scömìche)

Remember

Mitch's POV

"Mitch, can I talk to you for a second?"

Oh no. What was it now? 

"Sure, Ms Anderson."

Look, Ms Anderson was actually a nice teacher. Basically, she was the only one who even cared about me in the slightest, compared to everyone else who just kept on complaining about how quiet I was in class. Okay, so I might not be the loudest or the most out there student there was, but I had reasons. Reasons, mostly insecurities, such as my voice for instance. My voice was still quite high for a senior so everyone started spreading the rumor that puberty had skipped me or shit like that. And don't get me wrong, I've learned to deal with it over time, sure, as a freshman it sucked but the joke was getting old now. Still, I couldn't help but hesitate before participating in class, just in case someone might hit me right where it hurts.

Being called names because of things you can't change about yourself isn't great. No, it's absolutely horrible and it does horrible things to you when you're helpless and without mental support. I only had me myself and I back then, so it would be a lie if I said I wasn't affected by it. I was. I spent nights crying myself to sleep, too scared to go to school because some asshole could say something about my voice, my small body, my sexuality, my clothing, literally anything. And to be honest, as much as I was trying to convince myself how mentally stable I was when it came to bullying I was still lying to myself. Sure, I'd gotten better over time but it still hurt hearing people call you ugly, pathetic, desperate... Come up with whatever you want.

Ms Anderson cleared her throat and I realized I'd zoned out for a moment. Scott, Ms Anderson and I were now the only ones left in class, and I followed my teacher's gaze which lingered on my boyfriend.

"I'd like to talk to Mitch alone if you don't mind."

I saw Scott nod quickly and get out of the classroom, but not before he told me he'd wait for me outside.

"What did you wanna talk to me about?"

"Okay, Mitch..." She took her seat, folding her hands but sighing in exasperation. "I'm worried."

I raised my eyebrows. "Worried?"

She nodded, looking down at her notes from today, reminding me of my therapist for a short moment. "Don't get me wrong," she began, "you're shining right now, you look so happy, but at the same time, there's something... I can't tell what it is, but I can see it in your eyes, and also in your art."

"In my art?"

"Yeah." She nodded again. "You usually give your paintings a gloomy vibe, and you use a lot of dark, cold colors when you paint. Don't get me wrong, your paintings are beautiful, but still... I noticed. It could be nothing, just a personal preference, but usually the artists who painted like you were sad and conflicted. I just wanted to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine, don't worry," I answered with my plastered on smile.

I could tell by the look on her face she didn't believe me, but I was glad she didn't ask any further. What was I supposed to tell her? Sorry, my life's just falling apart and I finally found someone to put me back together and every second of the day I'm scared I'll lose him because he's so much better than me? I'm scared that one day he'll wake up next to me and realize he deserves so much more? One day he might realize how selfish I am for not letting him go? Nope. Not gonna talk about that.

"Okay, but if there's anything you'd like to talk about, no matter if it has to do with school or not, just know that I'm there. Oh, and Mitch... I'm sorry about this morning, you were late and I was- it's okay. Tell that to Scott, too, I feel bad about it, I never get mad at students. I don't believe in this kind of authoritarian education, especially not in art."

"Thank you. I will."

She looked at me as if she was thinking about saying something else.

"How are things going with other students?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I heard Brian Jacobs got suspended."

I widened my eyes. "He did?"

"Just this morning." Was that a small smile or was my brain fooling me.

"That's- I mean, that's- why?"

I thought I knew why, I just wanted to know for sure.

"Apparently he wanted a football player to leave the team with the explanation that he was gay. I don't know who it was, no names have been said, but I just wanted to let you know that he got suspended, and that I think it's good. But don't tell anyone I said that."

I chuckled, but nodded. "Of course I won't, Ms Anderson. Thank you. For everything." And for confirming that Brian's even more stupid than I thought.

She smiled friendly. "You're welcome, Mitch. And remember, if there's anything bothering you, you know where to find me."

"Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it that you care. Not many do."

She sighed. "I know. But someone always does. Remember that."

And with that, I went outside to find Scott.