Can't Afford To Lose Another Second With You (Scömìche)

Calm Your Fears

A/N: This chapter deals with anxiety, stay safe <3

I don't want to go home.

Not now.

Never.

I felt strangely comfortable in the backseat of my old car, with my boyfriend hugging me tight. I didn't need anything else. I was as happy as I could be.

Well-

Maybe not.

There was a lot going through my mind, and whatever I thought something always didn't seem quite right. If I were to say I was the happiest I've ever been in my life, it wasn't a lie, but it also didn't feel quite true. But then again, a lot had happened in the past days and I tried not to blame myself for feeling off.

Who was I kidding.

Today was prom night. I was promised to the most perfect person in the entire world. Yet, I couldn't say I was completely, utterly happy. What the hell was wrong with me?

Not to mention I was wearing a beautiful Balmain dress, that alone should have the power to make me happy for a few hours at least. But no. A lot had happened, and I wasn't quite ready to just ignore that and go on with my daily life pretending everything was okay.

I hadn't talked to Scott about any of it in detail. I'd just mentioned that my parents had told me to throw away my dresses and wanted us to break up. But when I came home tonight... They didn't seem to care. I mean, it's not like they ever really cared, but I'd expected them to be more affected by the fact that I'd brought a boy home. But they didn't even notice. Which was fine with me, but... why?

But despite the problems with my parents, I should be the happiest person on earth right now.

I'm in a relationship with the love of my life. I'm promised to the literal definition of perfection. Why am I not happy?

"Mitchy," I heard Scott whisper, but I pretended I was asleep. I didn't want to ruin the moment any more than I already had. I shouldn't have started talking about how I felt bad for not getting him at least a small gift in the first place. I think that's what started this mess of thoughts.

"Mitch, I know you're awake." He ran his fingers through my hair soothingly, making me look up. "Hey... don't- baby, come here..." He cupped my cheek, carefully caressing me with his thumb. "Don't beat yourself up too much."

Why was he so good at reading my thoughs? Was it that obvious? I wasn't crying-

"Do you wanna talk?"

I felt myself nod before I could even think about it.

"Okay, honey. Tell me, what's on your mind?"

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," I blurted out, my voice breaking. "I don't see a reason for me to feel like shit. But I still do, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Shh..." he shushed. "There's nothing wrong with you, Mitchy. It's completely okay to feel off sometimes. That's just how life works."

"But not on prom night. And for sure not when we're promised now." I sobbed, a tear escaping my eye. I hated myself.

Scott wiped it off quickly. "Is that what's worrying you? That I think you aren't happy with me?"

Why was he reading my mind?

I nodded, hiding my face in the fabric of his shirt.

"Mitch, I'm not blaming you for anything, honey, okay? You're free to feel whatever way you feel like, I'm not judging you in the slightest. I don't expect you to be jumping around all day just because of one moment that made you happy. And... I mean, when I... promised, I guess you were happy?"